Clyde's Sims Stuff

Essays: Laurie's Wonderful Life - A Look Back

2009-08-17T03:06:00.000-07:00

Before you begin reading this article and if you are in the process of reading any of the three stories on this blog please note there are spoilers for all the stories in this article.

Some of the reasons as to why I wrote Laurie’s Wonderful Life can be found in this preview. But those weren’t the only reasons.

In both The Kid & Me and in Laurie & Dag I had copped out in a small way. Originally in The Kid & Me, Bettie was to be killed when she was hit by that car near the end of the story until I gave her a last minute reprieve. Likewise, I originally thought I might end Laurie & Dag differently.

My idea for Laurie and Dag was to end the story with Laurie and Angela being reunited as part of the last Chapter, and then the ending epilogue would take place years later. It would have had Laurie and Angela living together as they are at the beginning of Laurie’s Wonderful Life, and they would go to that bar once again and the crazy guy would enter as he did before. Only it would have been Angela to have been shot and killed.

The reason I almost used that ending is not only because an event like that actually did happen, but because I wanted to give the reader some idea that Lesbians and Gays not only face a great deal of discrimination, but that there is always the thought that some crazy is out there wanting to take them out for whatever reason. You could ask Matthew Shepherd and Scotty Joe Weaver about that, that is if they were alive for you to do so.

But in the end I felt that after everything Laurie had went through in Laurie and Dag, that I needed to leave the reader with at least some sense of hope for the future. Maybe it is just my own wishful thinking also that things can be better. Of course, when I wake up to the news every day and see the shambles that Bush and his co-horts have made of this country, when I read stories such as this one I read last week, you really begin to wonder if there is any hope for anything and whether or not the damage they have done can ever be corrected. I mean when this country worries more about keeping a couple of the same sex from exchanging vows at the alter, or worse than that how many days Paris Hilton will spend in jail then the fact that there are over 3,000 dead in Iraq and that the President and his cohorts has made a shambles of the constitution, then they might as well start calling us The United States of Looney Tunes.

Still, I had the scene in my mind of Laurie and Angela going into that bar in my mind and it just kind of stayed there as if I needed to write it. So eventually that scene became the most important scene in Laurie’s Wonderful Life, as it was the driving force behind the whole story.

Another reason I wrote Laurie’s Wonderful Life is that I felt I owed closure to those who had been loyal followers of the story on the official Sims 2 web site. Even when I originally wrote it I didn’t expect Wonderful Life to do well on that site. Most of my regular readers had moved on after having became quite disgusted with the way the official site was being ran back then and is still being run now. I seldom use it and when I do it is to find an answer for somebody else. And as I suspected, it didn’t do well at all and was pretty much buried after being attacked by those who still held silly grudges for one reason or another including the fact that I had dared to write a story about gays and a girl having an abortion.

The thing of it is, I will probably always regret in some way that I didn’t pick up Laurie’s and Angela’s story right after the original story ended. There were several reasons for it, the main one being that because I had lost so much readership at The Sims 2 site, there would not be anybody to bother with reading it. I’m sure some of you will say that it shouldn’t matter and perhaps you are right. But writing a Sims story that is worthwhile with the pictures and everything else involved requires an enormous amount of time and effort, and you would want to think that the effort was rewarded at least in some readership. I really don’t care if someone likes or dislikes the story, but I would at least like them read. And at that time since The Sims 2 was the only outlet for those stories, it was not something I cared to pursue for that site as I knew any thing I wrote would be forever buried by those silly people with their silly grudges and narrow mindedness.

Another reason I didn’t pick up Laurie and Dag’s story right after high school is because I didn’t think I could ever do it justice. For one thing, I was clueless as to what it would be like for Laurie to struggle through College and Medical School even if I do watch Grey’s Anatomy every week. But most of all, I honestly didn’t think I could write about the Gay & Lesbian lifestyle and get it right. And if I was going to write about it, getting it right was extremely important. I had made it through Laurie & Dag by doing hours and hours of research on the internet. To go through the years with Laurie and Angela would have required researching not only what studying to be a surgeon would be like, but even more hours of research into the gay life style. And it is not that I was unwilling to do that, but to make that much of a commitment I would have to know that there were enough people out there reading it to make it worth my while.

And of course as I have mentioned time and time again, if I were to write such a story for The Sims 2 web site, I would have to constantly change what I wanted to write to fit their criteria as I did with both Laurie and Dag and Laurie’s Wonderful Life.

The graphic scene in the bar when Joe is killed was not even close to being what I wrote for this story blog. Here is the original text as Angela remembered that night. You can compare it to the rewrite I uploaded in Act One.

She had been on the dance floor with Margie. Unlike Laurie, she had not noticed the stranger entering the bar. Margie and she were just about to leave the floor when the slow dance started and Joe and Laurie had come to join them. Margie and she had decided to dance the slow dance together also. Angela had been looking at Joe, thinking that he wasn’t a bad dancer at all, when she heard the first shot, not really knowing what it was. Everything else was almost a blur of events that happened in a matter of seconds, but played over and over in slow motion in her head. She had looked over at the bar, but Jerome was no longer standing there. People stood up and began screaming. She saw a bald headed man walking towards them. It was then that she saw Joe throw Laurie to the floor, just as another shot rang out and ricocheted off the concrete walls. Both her and Margie had stood there stunned, not sure what was going on or what to do. “Get on the floor,” Joe had yelled at them again. Angela grabbed Margie's belt and started to pull her downwards. She was too late. Another shot, and blood spurted out of the back of Margie's shirt. She had been critically wounded. From the floor, Angela could see Joe headed towards the baldheaded man, and some of the other guys in the bar moved towards him also. Everybody else had ducked under tables. Laurie hadn't moved, the violent force of the throw to the floor had momentarily stunned her. If Joe had been twenty years younger, or perhaps even ten, he may have reached the gunman. But just as Joe was about to reach the bald headed man, the gun fired again, one more time, more blood, and Joe fell to the floor. It had been a direct hit, the bullet piercing his heart, and he was dead. Moments later he was lying lifeless in a pool of blood, Laurie and Angela both kneeling over his lifeless body, as Laurie used every skill she had to try and bring him back. It was to no avail. Several of the guys in the bar managed to tackle the bald headed man with the gun just a second later. But it was too late for Joe, and for Jerome who would die of his wounds an hour later, and for Margie who would never walk again.

As you can see it is quite a bit different if you go back and compare it to the rewrite. Is there any doubt in your mind which is more effective? And in the original pictures there was no blood. For this blog, I photoshopped it into the pictures. It was the same problem I ran across in Laurie & Dag. I had to somehow hint at Laurie having physical desires as well as her emotional ones, yet to even suggest that she might even have had such thoughts on The Sims 2 would have had the story yanked before you can say pomegranate.

Now there will be those who probably absolutely hate the epilogue in Laurie’s Wonderful Life. It is certainly filled with quite a bit of what I call the fantasy element. But let’s not forget that at it’s heart, it is not only a story about redemption it is first and foremost still a Christmas story. It’s not that you can’t write a Christmas story without some kind of fantasy elements, but I think the best ones do include it in one form or another. Certainly the original It’s A Wonderful Life movie did, and definitely the same goes for Charles Dicken’s Christmas Carol so how can you argue with success? The only thing I can say is that if it wasn’t your cup of tea pretend that the epilogue doesn’t exist and that Laurie wakes up and everything that happened to her was just her dreams just as I guess Oz was supposed to be when Dorothy woke up (movie version). Still, when I wrote those last few lines added to the picture of Joe standing next to Laurie and Bettie, even I got choked up a bit. I had brought all of these characters to life, and at that point it was over.

So where does that leave me and where does that leave this blog. I have a couple of stories in mind that I could write. But it would take a lot of time and effort. I’m perfectly willing to give it that if I feel there will be at least a few people out there not only wanting to read it but with the patience to wait in between story chapters which because of other things I have going on. It could take several weeks to complete each one. Remember, unlike these stories that were already written, I would be writing anything new from scratch including setting up the Sims game for the story and shooting new pictures. The one advantage I would have in posting to this blog is that I wouldn't have to take so many repetitious pictures. For instance, because of the way the Sims story telling interface is designed, you have to have a picture for every single very short page. So when there is something like a conversation between two characters, you may have to have five or six different pictures of that conversation whereas for this blog you would probably only need one.

I guess that’s where that little survey comes in that I have posted in the right hand column. A lot depends on it, not so much as to what the answers are but as a way to gage how many are actually reading these stories or have read them. I can post stuff on Clyde’s Place and it doesn’t matter as much that there may not be anybody reading if at all. I can write for it at my leisure when I want and when I feel like it. But writing these stories is a bit different and to put the kind of effort into it that it would take to get going again, I have to know that there are enough people reading to encourage me to do so. So the only thing I can say is we’ll see, but it doesn’t look hopeful. In all the stories I have received comments from two people in the comments section (three if you count someone promoting a porn site) and one of them was related. I have received exactly three emails in regards to the stories and that’s it whereas when Laurie & Dag were at the height of their popularity on Sims 2, I was receiving several emails a day and hundreds of comments on my Sims page. Those are not good numbers especially when you consider that I can write a five paragraph story about American Idol for Clyde's Place and get my Inbox flooded. So if you have read or are in the process of reading, please take the survey or write to me at Clydesplace@gmail.com.

And finally, I want to thank each and every one of you who have read these stories or are in the process of doing so. I do hope that you enjoyed them and I hope that in some small way they may have touched you because in the end, that’s all that really matters to me. Whatever happens in the future, at least I have once again given these three stories a home, one I hope they can have for a long long time. Thanks again.

Clyde

Laurie's Wonderful Life Act Three: You've Really Had A Wonderful Life

2009-08-17T01:47:00.000-07:00

(Author's Notes: Sorry for the time it took to get this third act up, but there was a lot rewriting I wanted to do on it along with other things. Since I've been using a lot of space up for the pictures I had to reformat the ones for the last part by reducing their size a bit. I imagine eventually if I keep writing Sim stories I will have to pay for more storage space.
Thank you for your patience.

If you are new to the story you will probably want to go back to the beginning. You'll find all the links necessary to do so in the right hand column of the blog. While it is not entirely necessary to go back and read The Kid & Me or Laurie and Dag, everything that happens in Laurie's Wonderful Life Act III connects to events in those two stories. So you will probably be quite puzzled as to whom some of the characters are. So you might keep that in mind if you do start reading from here.

This of course is based on Frank Capra's It's a Wonderful Life which starred Jimmy Stewart. Other than the basic premise however, you will note that the two story lines have little else in common. This tale is much harsher and often darker at times. I did manage to pay homage to that film with a few sly references in the previous part, and I paid homage to other films of the same nature throughout. So if you're a fan of that film, you'll be able to spot some of those easily. In this third act, there is also a little bit of Dickens thrown in which was done for my convenience more than anything else and to help make the story a lot less involved than the long scenario I would have had to paint if I had gone in the other direction.

Now comes the important part. You will come to a part of the story where it is necessary to play a video. I have decided that this is the best way to acheive the desired effect. Previously I had just printed the words to the song, but when I wrote it originally we didn't have you tube and all of it's clones. I think the video makes that partiuclar part of the story much more touching and maybe a little less cheesy, but only just a little bit. So when you reach that part of the story, please play the video. If you can't watch it for some reason (dial up modem) please let me know and I will send you the name of the song and the words. At any rate, please note that this story is not recommended for anyone under the age of thirteen. In a few days, I will have a few thoughts regarding the writing of the story just as I did with the previous two stories. Thanks for stopping by and thanks again for reading. Please feel free to write me at my new address at clydesplace@gmail.com.)

Act III
You've Really Had A Wonderful Life

Not only did the flash of lightening blind Laurie, but it knocked her backwards into a sitting position. She had quickly stuck her hand out to brace herself for the fall against the hard cement, but to her amazement it wasn’t the hard concrete of the patio where she had landed. It was the damp moist grass of the lawn. She shook her head quickly, trying to get her bearings. Instead of looking down from the patio, she was now looking up at where the second floor landing should have been but it was no longer there. Worse than that, the yard she had landed in belonged to a house that Laurie was completely unfamiliar with. Susan simply stood in front of her with her arms crossed as if to say, “See, that’s what you get.”

"Jesus Christ! You scared the hell out of me!" Laurie exclaimed as she pulled herself into a standing position.

“That will be quite enough of that young lady,” Susan told her sternly. “Unless you want to spend the whole evening walking around with a bar of soap permanently attached to the roof of your mouth. And don’t think for one second it won’t happen.”

Laurie started to open her mouth to say it was her goddamn dream and she would do whatever the hell she wanted in her goddamn dream but the look on Susan’s face stopped her. Laurie decided that whatever this particular dream was about it would quickly turn into a horrendous nightmare if she didn’t mind her p’s and q’s.

“Were all those fireworks really necessary?” Laurie asked. “It’s not like you’re David Copperfield for crying out loud.”

"And just where do you think David Copperfield gets his best ideas from?" Susan retorted. "Really Laurie, you're such a skeptic about everything. But then you always have been,” Susan sighed.

Laurie ignored her. "Okay, now that you've got me here, where exactly is here?"

"Look around, Laurie. This is what used to be your house. We haven't gone anywhere at all."

"What? This run down old place?,” Laurie scoffed. “I think that lightning bolt messed up your compass or jarred your brain. And what do you mean by used to be?"

"Laurie, you don’t have a home anymore. You’ve never been born. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Laurie laughed.

“Okay, now I get it. I came home from work, everybody was watching It’s a Wonderful Life, I told Suzie angels didn’t exist so now I’m having this dream because of the guilt feelings I’m having in my subconscious. In that case, I’ll just sit this one out until it’s time to wake up. The next thing I know you’ll be telling me that every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings. By the way, mother, sorry I couldn’t dream up some wings for you. Guess you’ll have to earn them like Clarence” Laurie said sarcastically.

Susan closed her eyes and looked skyward. “This is going to be tougher than I thought, Michael.”

She turned back to Laurie and jabbed her finger into her chest. “Look young, lady. It’s like this. Mortals see us and paint us as they want to see us. If they paint a picture of us with wings, then we have wings. If they make a movie about us, then we have wings. And if Frank Capra wants to tell the world in a movie that every time a bell rings one of us gets wings and it makes people happy to believe that than so be it. But you keep it up with the negativity and you’ll be spending some down time in the land down under. And I’m not talking about cocktails with Crocodile Dundee in Australia!”

Laurie rubbed her chest where Susan had been jabbing her finger. “Okay! Sorry! But how could this have been my house? There’s no patio, there’s no fountain and it’s deserted.”

“You're going to find things are quite a bit strange and different, Laurie. Look around. Didn't a pond used to be over there in the corner of the yard where that big brown hole is? Isn’t that where Joe put the fountain in when the pond dried up?"

Laurie walked over to the brown, barren somewhat circular spot. She had been very young when the pond had dried up completely. And if this was her house, then the location would be about right. But to her it all meant nothing.

"So?," she hollered back to her mother. "This is supposed to mean something? Lots of people have ponds that go dry on them, especially out here where we live. If this is my house where's the second floor landing? Where's the patio?"

Susan sighed. "That’s because there is no landing. The upper floor was in the process of being remodeled when you were born . The work was never completed. There wasn’t any reason for it to be"

It didn't make any sense to Laurie, but her dreams seldom did. The yard and house did look familiar in a lot of ways. But it had obviously been years since anyone had done any real yard work although it was obvious that someone had been there to do it occasionally in a hap hazard manner. The grass was more yellow than the manicured green wave that their lawn had always been. And besides, this house had a stone fence. As far back as Laurie could remember they had always had the All-American, Leave it to Beaver, Ozzie and Harriet white picket fence and the house had been covered with a light blue aluminum siding.

"I'm going inside," she told Susan.

Laurie reached the door and began yanking on the handle. It was locked.

"It's locked," she told Susan.

"It's not locked, Laurie, you just have to know how to do these things." She stepped in front of Laurie, turned the handle and the door opened easily.

"Show off," Laurie told her.

"Well, maybe just a little bit, Laurie." Susan grinned.

Laurie looked around. There was no doubt that the house was similar in many aspects.
When she looked through the doorway there was a pool but it held no water and looked like it hadn’t been used in ages. There were still stairs leading to the upstairs, but they appeared rickety and Laurie had no inclination to test them. And besides all of that the recreation room was much smaller than that in her own home.

She turned back towards Susan. “This doesn’t make any sense at all,” Laurie said. “Even if this weren’t a dream and it were true, there would still be Dag, and my brothers and sisters.

Before Susan could offer a reply to that a look of concern suddenly came over her face.

"Somebody's coming," she said. "We have to get.....uh oh, too late."

"Don't be ridiculous, this place is obviously abandoned," she started to tell Susan. But she had no sooner pointed her finger at her than Susan was no longer standing there.

"Hey! Get back here! You can't leave me here alone, mother!," she yelled. "This is my dream and I order you to reappear." But it was no use. Susan had gone.

"This is just great," she muttered.

True to Susan's word though, Laurie heard someone trying to open the front door. She wasn't sure whether to run out the back door or to go greet them.

"Well, it's a dream," she thought. "I Certainly I can't get hurt in a dream can I?. Might as well confront this one head on."

"This is getting ridiculous," she muttered to herself as she walked toward the front of the empty house.

She had no sooner reached the front door when it suddenly opened and there stood Bettie, who when upon seeing Laurie, promptly let out a blood curdling scream.

“Who….who…are you?” Bettie asked nervously. “What do you want? There’s nothing here! I don’t have any money on me.”

“Mom, it’s me, Laurie” she said walking torwards her. “Don’t you know me?” Laurie knew it was dark but surely her own mother could recognize her. She still had good eyesight for someone her age.

“Don’t come any closer!,” Bettie said. “I’ve got some mace and I’ll use it if I have to.”

“Don’t you recognize me, mom. It’s me! It’s your daughter, Laurie.”

Bettie squinted her eyes in the dark as if trying to see better. “I have no children! You’re crazy! Now get out of here before I call the police!”

“I am your daughter! You adopted me when my real mother died! You and your husband, Joe! And Dag! You adopted Dag also! Where is Dag?”

“Look young lady, I don’t know who you are. I’ve never set eyes on you. As for Joe Baker, he put Dag up for adoption years ago. So whatever you’re trying to pull, you should at least have gotten your facts straight.”

Laurie was not about to be put off. “You did marry Joe Baker, and this is our house!” Laurie persisted. “He died just six months ago. He was shot? Don’t you remember?”

“If you’re talking about Joe Baker, he’s been dead for over twenty years after drinking himself to death. He left me this house and I’ve never sold it. I didn’t have the heart to.”

“No!” Laurie screamed. “Joe Baker is alive! He has to be! And where’s Dag? You said she’s alive! Where is she?” She yelled grabbing Bettie by the collar. Total fear came over Bettie’s face. She was dealing with an absolute crazy woman.

“I tell you I don’t know. I only knew the child for a few months before Joe put her up for adoption Now leave me alone!” And with that statement, Bettie’s arm came up, Laurie heard the sound of a spray just as the mist entered her eyes causing them to burn profusely. “My Eyes!” Was all she could say as her hands went up instinctively to try and protect them. She was blinded and felt Bettie shove past her and heard the beeping sound of a cell phone.

“Police! Help!,” She heard her say. “There’s a crazy woman trying to kill me!”

Laurie took her hands away from her eyes. She could see but just barely. Everything seemed blurry and her eyes were watering like crazy. She could make out the door just enough to run out of the house and ran blindly down the street several hundred feet before stopping to recoup her vision. The watering of her eyes had helped to clear them, especially since Bettie’s aim had not been as true as it might have been. But her vision had no sooner returned then she heard the sounds of police sirens and could see flashing lights approaching in the distance.

Dream or no dream, Laurie figured it was time to go elsewhere and she knew exactly where she needed to go.

If she had never been born, her father would still be alive. Bettie had been lying to protect him. Yeah, that was it. She had thought Laurie was a nut case so of course she wouldn’t have told her where Joe was. Better yet, the reason Susan didn't reappear to her was because she couldn't. Laurie knew if she'd never been born her mother would now be alive somewhere. She would no longer be an angel, a ghost, or even the reincarnation of Jacob Marley.

By the time she reached the cemetery, Laurie was out of breath from running and had finally slowed down to a walk. Thankfully, the gates were unlocked which meant she wouldn't have to climb the brick wall which enclosed the cemetery. She immediately walked over to the grave where her father's tombstone should have been.

But as she approached the tombstones, she knew immediately that there was something terribly wrong.

Her sister Emily's tombstone was there and looked the same as it had earlier that day. Her father's tombstone had not vanished. It too was there, only it looked much older and more worn. It showed exactly what Bettie had told her. Joe Baker had died twenty years earlier. Most startling of all was the fact that there was now a third tombstone. She looked over and read the inscription.

SUSAN PENDLETON DALE
MY BEST AND DEAREST FRIEND

“This is nuts!” Laurie yelled. “My mother never had a grave marker! She was cremated and had her ashes scattered. She’s alive! She’s alive I tell you.” Laurie fell down to her knees and looked at the tombstone again, hoping against hope that she had been mistaken. But she hadn’t. And what did it matter? It was all a dream wasn’t it? Things like this only happened in stories, on TV and at the movies. Yet, Laurie began to sob and she didn’t know why when she felt a soft hand on her shoulder. Laurie knew who the hand belonged to without looking and stood to face Susan.

“You’re going to find things have changed quite a bit, Laurie. I tried to tell you that but you just wouldn’t listen.”

“But you should be alive. You only died so I could be born. They would have treated your cancer and saved you!”

Susan shook her head. “Laurie, you’re right. I never was pregnant and I did undergo the treatment. But the fact that I wasn’t pregnant changed everything.”

“I don’t understand,” Laurie said trying to wipe away her tears.

“Laurie, when I became ill I didn’t want to contact Joe because he would have talked me into giving you up to save myself. I still became ill, but since I was no longer pregnant I called Joe and he came to help me through my illness.”

“And you were cured.”

“No Laurie. I wasn’t. There was never a guarantee of success even if I did undergo treatment. Instead, I simply lingered on and on for several years and in the end……”
Susan didn’t finish. She only looked sad and Laurie knew then what had happened.

“But what about Bettie? What about Dag? What about my sisters?”

“Laurie, I didn’t know about Dag, and I surely didn’t know what had transpired between Joe and Bettie. I’m sorry, Laurie. If I had known, I never would have gotten in touch with Joe. In order to devote himself to helping me recover, he put up Dag for adoption and Bettie went away to college. I thought letting him bury me here would bring him some measure of comfort. Instead it had just the opposite effect and he began to drink until his liver began to go and his heart could handle it no longer.”

“NO!” Laurie screamed at her. Dad loved Bettie. And he loved Dag. He wouldn’t have given them up.”

Susan didn’t answer. “No Laurie. Not like he did later. That love was never given time to grow the way it should have. And what does it matter to you anyway, Laurie? Why should you care what happened to Bettie?”

“How can you say something so cruel, Mother? You know I love her with all of my heart.” Laurie said angrily.

“You have a fine way of showing it, Laurie.” Susan replied sternly. “All of these months that Joe has been gone and she has cried herself to sleep at nights. She wakes up during the night and reaches for him and he isn’t there. After everything she has given you, after all the years she has loved and cared for you, you weren’t there for her the one time when she really needed you. You were too busy wallowing in your own self pity.”

Laurie could only bow her head in shame. She knew Susan was right. “Don’t you understand, mother?” Laurie said through her tears. “I do know the pain she is going through. I hear her crying into her pillow at night, and I can’t comfort her. Each time I hear her I think that it is me who has done this to her. I’m the one who caused her this pain. And when I hear her cry and I see in her eyes how much she misses Dad, a part of me dies every day because it was my selfishness that has hurt the one person who has done more for me than any anybody ever could. I love her so much, and I can’t live with the fact that I’ve done this to her. I don’t know what to do! “ Laurie chest heaved in big heavy sobs and for the first time Susan put her arm around her comforting her.

“Why does she keep the house now?” Laurie asked.

”The reason Bettie was at the house is because she goes there often to dream of what life for her could and should have been. Even though Joe sent her away to college, he was always her one great love. It was a love that he never knew existed. So she never married and lives alone. Look over here, Laurie.”

Susan guided her to where Arcadia's grave had been. Now there were three tombstones there also.

“Both your Grandpa Frank and Nick are gone, Laurie. When Arcadia passed away, your grandfather died of a broken heart because Joe wasn’t there to help him through it. Nick was killed in Iraq.”

“You’re lying!” Laurie yelled at her. “Uncle Nick came home from Iraq and married Allison. They had a son, Matthew!”

“Nick did return from the war, but Bettie had gone off to college the year before and was studying in Paris when he returned home. She wasn’t there to help him through that troubling time . Instead Nick volunteered to go back to Iraq because he felt he had abandoned some the guys who needed him. He was killed by a suicide bomber a month later.”

Tears began streaming down Laurie’s face again. It was all much more than she could handle.

"Please, get me out of here," Laurie pleaded. "I don't want to be here. It's all just a dream anyway."

"Laurie, I'm not going to argue that point with you any longer. Whether this is a dream or whether it is real doesn't matter. What is important is that in some way, it's quite amazing how one life can touch so many others. It's important that you understand that. But I'll do as you wish. There's a restaurant across town where we can go have a cup of cappucino. Let's go there and get out of this night air."

Laurie took out her cell phone and began to dial.

"What are you doing?" Susan asked her.

"I'm calling us a taxi. It's too cold out to walk."

"There's no need for that. There's already a taxi on the way."

Susan turned to walk out of the cemetery with Laurie following close behind. Laurie didn't bother to look back at the graves. There was no way that any of this could be real. Even if she couldn't awaken yet, she would soon and everything would be back as it was.

They had no sooner exited the gates when just as Susan had said, a taxi pulled up. By now, Laurie was beginning to take such events for granted. They quickly walked over to the taxi and climbed in.

"Where to ladies?" the driver asked.

"Harry's Place, do you know where it's at?" Susan asked.

"Sure do," the driver replied. He put the car in gear and raced off down the street, while humming Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.

"Do you have to hum that?" Laurie asked him. The last thing she wanted to hear right now was a Christmas Carol. She had thought not being born would make things better but now she felt worse than ever.

"You got something against Santa Claus, lady," the driver retorted.

"Don't mind her, Charly. She's just having a bad night."

"Oh, I see. I guess I should have figured that, Susan, what with you being here and all."

Laurie sighed. She thought to ask how they knew each other but decided no explanation they had would possibly satisfy her. Instead Charley continued across town, no longer humming about Santa Claus. This time it was Rudolph, The Red-nosed Reindeer and Laurie kept quiet. She didn't want to be asked if she had something against reindeers.

Charly dropped them off and sped away without even asking for a fare. "No charge," he had said.

Harry's Place was not only a restaurant, but there was a night club on the upper floor. Like every other business in town, the outside of the building reeked of Christmas.

"What is this, the North Pole?" Laurie asked sarcastically.

"That will be quite enough of the sarcasm, Laurie. Do you see any snow? Of course not. Do you see a jolly fat man in a red suit? No, you don't. So of course this isn't the North Pole."

"Well, whatever it is, it looks like you're out of luck on the cappucino. The restaurant is closed and I doubt that they'll have any upstairs at the bar."

"Well, we can try can't we?" Susan said. "Don't be so pessimistic." She started toward the nightclub entrance and as she had done all evening, Laurie followed.

Upstairs they walked quickly past the dance floor. Laurie ignored the couples who were supposed to be dancing to the tune of Silver Bells. Laurie had never seen anyone dance to a Christmas Song before unless it was Jingle Bell Rock. Then again, the couples dancing looked like they had something on their mind other than the latest dance steps.

There was one blond headed guy sitting at the end of the bar. Laurie and Susan picked out a couple of bar stools at the other end.

"What can I get for you?" the barmaid asked Susan.

"Well, I was hoping for a nice hot cup of cappuccino," Susan replied.

"Well, you'd have to go to the restaurant for that," the barmaid replied. "Want to try for something else."

"Well, I was hoping for the cappuccinos. I guess I'll settle for a cup of warm milk."

"Look, miss, this is a nightclub, not the Dairy Queen, and this isn't Little House on the Prairie and I'm not Pa Ingalls. We serve drinks to people that want to forget their troubles and have a good time. I do have coffee for those that want to sober up at the end of the night."

"Well, if that's all you have then I'll settle for coffee." Susan sighed.

"What about you?" the barmaid asked Laurie.

"Rum and coke," Laurie replied quickly.

"Hey there, Merry Christmas," the fellow at the end of the bar said to Laurie.

"I suppose so," Laurie replied curtly. "Although I have no clue as to what there is to be merry about."

"Oh, having a bad holiday," the guy said. "Well, I won't hold that against you. We all have them from time to time. My name is Vince. Let me buy your drinks for you."

Laurie didn't answer him as the waitress brought their drinks, but Susan suddenly decided to become talkative.

"That's very nice of you, Vince," she said. "Merry Christmas to you, too. Don't mind Laurie. She's got the dreaded Scrooge disease."

Vince paid the bartender for the drinks then walked over towards them. Laurie turned around not to see what Vince wanted but to try and find a way to get rid of him.

"Would you care to dance?" he asked. "It might help you take your mind off of things."

"Look Vince, I'm sure you're a nice guy. But all I want to do is have my drink and wake up."

Vince looked puzzle. "I've never heard of rum and coke waking anyone up. If anything, a few of those and you'll be in la-la land especially the way Sylvia mixes them."

"Don't mind my daughter," Susan said. "She's not herself these days."

"Your daughter?,” Vince said looking shocked. “How old are you? You look like your not a day older than thirty yourself."

"Well, I was thirty seven when I died." Susan answered. "But in heaven they let us look whatever age we choose. So you're right. I chose thirty. It's a nice round number."

Vince’s mouth opened as if he were a codfish. Laurie could see trouble on the horizon and decided to get Vince away from Susan before he called someone to have her locked up.

"Come on Vince, I'll dance with you." she said grabbing his hand and leading him towards the dance floor.

"Uh...your friend is a little whacky there, isn't she?" Vince replied.

"Oh she's harmless," Laurie replied. "Wouldn't hurt a fly. One dance though and then we're out of here."

"Sure, whatever you say," Vince laughed.

They had reached the dance floor and it was then that Laurie instantly recognized one of the dancers. The problem was, he sure was doing a lot more than just dancing. There on the floor was Kurt Miller, lip-locked with a bleached blonde bimbo in a pink dress.

"KURT! JUST WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Laurie yelled at him.

"Do you know him," Vince asked.

"Yes I do," Laurie replied quickly. "KURT MILLER, I ASKED YOU WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"

This time Kurt stood up and looked at her in puzzlement.

"I'm kissing my girlfriend, what do you think I'm doing and what business is it of yours," he asked.

Laurie walked over to him and poked her finger pointedly in his chest.

"Because you're married to my best friend Gail and she's about to have your baby. And until this moment I thought you were my friend. How could you do this?"

"MARRIED!," The blonde exclaimed. "You didn't tell me you were married!"

"I'm not married,” Kurt protested loudly. I've never been married and I’ve never seen this bitch before in my life. Look lady obviously you have me mixed up with someone else. The only Gail I know is the one I went to high school with. I haven't seen her in years."

"Gail Lyons! I know you went to high school with her. I was there! You started dating her when you came home from college and studying architecture. You and I dated in high school. Don’t even try to say you don’t remember that."

“Architect? My mother’s an architect and she wanted me to become one. But that was her idea not mine. And if we went together in High School I'd certainly remember you......whatever your name is."

"Quit horsing around, Kurt. You know damned good and well my name is Laurie Cut the bull crap.”

"Well, Laurie," he sneered. "Now that I get a better look at you, you must have been quite the catch when you were in high school. Come to think of it, I do remember us getting it on. It just slipped my mind. Why if you'd get some contact lenses, fixed your hair a little bit and wear something a bit sexier, you’d still be quite the catch. What do you say we relive some of the good old days?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Kurt. You know contact lenses irritate my eyes. I haven't worn them since high school."

"Well I won't hold that against you, baby. Now as I was saying, why don’t we relive some of those high school memories." He said holding out his hands and reaching towards Laurie.

"Forget it Kurt. I didn’t sleep with you then and I’m sure as hell not going to sleep with you now.” Laurie said angrily.

"Come on, baby," Kurt pleaded ignoring the girl he had been dancing with. “It’s not like you have a patent on that thing.”

"Don't be ridiculous, Kurt. You know damn good and well that I'm a lesbian and I don't appreciate what you're doing one bit."

"Lesbian!" Laurie heard Vince say. "Boy did I dial a wrong number!"

"What a waste,” Kurt said reaching toward Laurie's face to caress her once again. The blonde he had been smooching earlier continued to stand seething, but it was obvious to Laurie that Kurt could have cared less.

It's never too late to change your ways, Laurie! One night with me and you'll be converted forever."

Laurie brushed his hand away. "Stop it Kurt. Obviously you're drunk or something. I'm leaving, and if you think I won't tell Gail what you've been up to you can forget it."

"Oh yeah, well let me show you what you'll be missing."

"Oh yeah, well miss this!" Laurie said slapping him full across the face. Although it momentarily stunned him, for Kurt it only meant that Laurie was more of a challenge.

"Feisty little witch, aren't you?" Kurt sneered. "Good. I like my girls feisty and the sex rough.”

Laurie started to shove past him but before she could take a step, Kurt quickly grabbed her and pulled Laurie to him. He was still as strong as he had always been, and pinned her arms so she couldn't move.

Kurt quickly covered her mouth with his, while at the same time trying to insert his tongue into her mouth. She clinched her teeth together and tried turning her face away from his. But the more she tried the tighter he held her her. Laurie tried looking towards the bar, hoping her mother would rescue her, but she could not see Susan. She was going to knee him in the groin, but Kurt had pinned her legs in such a way that she could get no leverage. Then almost magically she felt Kurt's grip loosen and it had nothing to do with Susan's heavenly powers.

Out of nowhere appeared a little old lady, who may have been small in stature but swung a mean purse.

"Let her go you brute!" she hollered at Kurt while at the same time smacking him across the face with her bag. As she continued to smack Kurt around, his grip on Laurie loosened just enough to allow her to slide out and race toward the stairway. She glanced back just long enough to see the old woman swing her purse once again only this time it landed in a very sensitive spot just below Kurt's waist causing him to double over in pain.

"Now try that again, and I'll do more than hit you with a purse," the old lady was saying.

"Geez Lady," Kurt groaned. "What do you have in that thing-rocks?"

She swung the purse and hit Kurt again.

"No, but I've got a nice butcher knife in here and if I ever catch you forcing yourself on a young woman again, I'll make you more famous than that Bobbitt fellow ever was. You’ll be back singing in the Vienna Boy’s Choir."

When Laurie reached the outside of Harry's Place, Susan was no where to be found.

"Okay, mother, I know you’re here somewhere!" she yelled.

"There's no need to yell, Laurie."

Laurie turned around to see Susan standing on the sidewalk.

"How did you like my little old lady disguise?" Susan asked grinning.

"That was you?" Laurie asked. "I guess I should have known. Thanks for your help."

"No problem this time, Laurie. I can't keep getting you out of trouble though so watch your step from here on out. Try to remember that things are not going to be the way that you remember them. But are you convinced yet that this is not a dream?"

Laurie didn't answer her. "What's going on? Why would Kurt do such a thing? Even if I wasn’t here and he never knew me, Kurt would never force himself on a woman like that."

"Laurie, as we go through life we touch the lives of so many others. Sometimes it's in very small ways, and at other times we have a deep and lasting impact. The influence you had on Kurt was immeasurable. Without you there to be his friend, Kurt hung around with Chuck most of the time for a couple of years. He went along to get along, and in time became more like Chuck in a lot of ways by the time he graduated from high school. The difference is that Kurt became a successful businessman, and had no use for Chuck either after a couple of years of being successful. The only thing Kurt sees in people now is how useful they are to him in order for him to attain his goals of power, wealth, and hedonism."

"But surely Kurt had other influences. His parents were good people. He couldn't have turned out this way just because I wasn't there."

"Laurie, there are many people who influence our lives. Sometimes it takes a combination of many different people to make us who we are. It's like a jig saw puzzle. The picture can't become complete if all the pieces aren't there. The time you spent with Kurt during those years in high school completed one picture. Since you weren’t there and Chuck was, it made a different picture altogether."

"What about my sister, Dag. Surely things still worked out for her. She would have been adopted by a good family. Joe would have seen to that. I want to see Dag! Take me to see her." Laurie pleaded.

"I can't Laurie. She lives very far away in another state."

"Then use your voo-doo, magic or whatever it is. Twitch your nose like Samantha! Do something! I have to know Dag is okay!"

"I’m an angel, Laurie. I don’t twitch any part of my anatomy and I really am not supposed to do things like that. It would be showing off," Susan said. "My boss wouldn't approve."

"Please, mother. Can't you ask him to make an exception, just this one."

Susan looked skyward for a moment, but said nothing.

"Michael says okay, but he's not happy about this. But he also says it'll keep you from getting into anymore trouble if we make ourselves less visible for now." She held out her hands.

"Take my hands, daughter," Laurie did as she was told. There was a quick flash of light as there had been on the patio hours earlier, but this time there was no lightning strike.

Instantly they were transported to the front of a home that Laurie had never seen before. It certainly wasn't the house that Glenn and Dag had bought when Dag had become pregnant with Eddie.

"Is this where she lives? Shouldn’t we knock on the door or something?" Laurie asked.

"And if Dag answers the door, then what?" Susan answered. “Do we pretend to be Jehovah Witnesses? Remember Laurie, you've never been born so she doesn't know you from Adam or Eve. We can go in, but they will be completely unaware of our presence. Just pretend you’re in a Dickens story and I'm the ghost of this that and the other or whatever and you’ll get the hang of it. Now come with me."

Susan walked into the house, passing through the door as if she were nothing more than a wisp of smoke. Laurie followed behind her going through the door as if it were the most natural thing in the world for her to be doing.

“Now that’s cool,” she told Susan once they were in the house.

Susan just looked at her and shook her head. “Please Laurie, let’s see what we came here to see.”

Once in the living room, Laurie saw a long haired man sitting on the sofa watching a football game on television. At first he was unfamiliar to her but as they walked around to see his face, there was no doubt in Laurie’s mind who it was. She had only met him once, but that one time they had met had been memorable for the whole family, and not in a very good way.

"Oh my God! It's Professor Asshole," Laurie said disgustedly. "I haven't seen him since that night Dag brought him home from college. Why are we here? Your compass must have screwed up again."

"No, Laurie. My compass didn't screw up and watch your language. We do have certain roles of decorum we are supposed to be following. And just for the record, I don't have a compass and I don’t need one to get around. I am not Christopher Columbus. We're right where you wanted to be. This is where Dag lives and Andy is her husband.”

"I think I'm going to be ill," Laurie said clutching her stomach. "Where's Dag, and what's burning?"

"I can answer both of those questions right now. Let's go into the kitchen."

In the kitchen, Dag was busy preparing spaghetti. At least she thought it was supposed to be spaghetti as it was hard for Laurie to tell exactly what it was supposed to be.

"What's she doing? She's burning it? Is she doing it on purpose? And where's the beef?" Laurie whispered.

"I told you Laurie that you don't have to whisper. They can't hear us or see us. No, unfortunately she's doing her best. It’s just that Dag is not a very good cook at all. As for the meat, Andy is a vegetarian if you'll recall," Susan chuckled.

"I think you've been hanging out in the clouds too long, mother. Dag is an excellent cook. We both are!"

"And who taught you how to cook, Laurie?"

"It was mom......" and without saying another word Laurie already had her answer. Since Dag had not been raised by Bettie, she had never learned to cook, at least in any way that it would be edible.

They watched as Dag quickly set the table and then called Andrew into the kitchen. Laurie and Susan heard the tv click off followed by Professor Andy entering the room.

“It’s about time, Dag,” Andrew said. “Where’d you go to fix that stuff, bum Egypt?”

“I’m sorry, Andrew honey,” Dag said. “There was a lot to do.”

“Well, better late than never. Would you be so kind as to get me a beer out of the fridge."

"I'm sorry, sweetie," Dag replied sheepishly. "But I didn't get any of your imported beer. They were out of it at the market and I know how much you dislike domestic beer."

“So why didn’t you just go to another store,” Andrew replied. “Geez, do I have to do all of your thinking for you? How hard could it be?”

“Well, the stores were about to close, and I had all those papers of yours to grade so I was late getting out. You said you needed them done by tomorrow.”

“You’ve got an excuse for everything, don’t you? I swear I have no clue as to why I married you.”

"I'll go out for it after dinner," Dag told him.

They sat down and began to eat. Andrew took one bite of his food and threw the fork down.

"Do you really expect me to be able to eat this slop," He said accusingly. "As long as it took you to fix it you would have thought you were fixing a three course meal in here."

"I tried, I really did," Dag replied. "I'm getting better at it. It'll just take some time."

"Well how much time do you need?" he asked. "Maybe you should try watching Martha Jailbird or Rachael Fat Ass. Sometimes I wonder how you even have sense enough to turn the stove off and on. At least you're doing better with your ironing. You've only burned one of my shirts this month."

Dag seemed to glow as if what Andrew had just said was a compliment.

"She's a regular Stepford Wife!" Laurie said without looking at Susan. "I thought that whole thing with Andrew was only temporary. Okay, this is really not my sister. She’s a clone or something. I knew that Dag was hung up on this jerk way back when for whatever reason, but she would never be this subservient to anybody."

"Don't be so judgmental, Laurie. You know what happened. Do you remember the events that transpired that night Dag brought Andy home for a visit? Of course, none of that happened. Dag was always a bit flighty growing up and had a tendency to get a bit starry eyed over guys at time. But since she was raised by another family, everything about her changed. When she would become infatuated with someone, Bettie was always there to bring her back down to earth. Then there’s the night that she brought Andy home. Surely you haven’t forgotten already?”

Laurie hung her head. She remembered the night as if it had been yesterday. Dag had acted pretty much in the same way she was behaving with Andy now.

“Since Bettie wasn’t there to put Dag in her place, and because you weren’t there to stand up to Andy that night, this is what happened. She still met him and fell in love. In the family that adopted her, the mother was quite submissive to her husband's every whim. They were nice enough people, but Dag’s new mother just didn’t have the strength that Bettie had. She was a good person, but a completely different type of role model.”

Andrew took another bite of his food. "I can't eat this slop!," he said getting up from the table. "

Dag followed him to the center of the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, Andrew. I'll take lessons or something. You won't have to eat it again."

"Why should I have to pay for you to take cooking lessons after all these years. Jeez...you can read a cookbook can't you. Anyway, I'm going out."

"Again!," Dag said softly. "Can't you spend one evening here with me."

"I have important meetings with the Dean at the college. You know that. And besides that I have to get the beer that you were unable to trouble yourself over. And why don't you try dressing yourself up a little. Make yourself a bit more presentable. Then maybe I'd want to stay home once in a while."

"She's dressed just fine and she looks beautiful," Laurie yelled at him. "What do you know about being beautiful when you look like a deranged sheep dog yourself you son of a bitch?"

“Laurie! I’m warning you for the last time!” Susan told her sternly. “Watch your language. Don’t waste your breath on him. He can’t see you or hear you.”

"Will you be late again?" Dag asked. "I was hoping we could talk about what I asked you the other night."

"No later than usual," Andrew answered as he hurried towards the door. "And what was it you asked the other night?

"You know, you said you would think about it. About us having a baby," Dag replied hopefully.

"You've got to be kidding! If we had a kid it would starve to death eating your cooking. Learn to cook and then we'll talk babies. Besides, I don't want some snot-nosed little brat running around here stinking up the place with his dirty diapers. And to top it off, you can't handle the work load you have now, let alone take care of a baby"

Andrew went out of the door slamming it behind him. He had no sooner done so than Dag burst into tears.

Laurie walked over to Dag and gently put her arm around her, not carrying that Dag couldn’t feel her presence.

"I'm sorry, Dag. I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen!" She said soothingly.

"I told you Laurie, she is unaware of our presence," Susan reminded her. "Besides it's not so bad. It could easily be much worse."

"Much worse?," Laurie said angrily. "How could anything possibly be much worse then this. Can't you see she's miserable?"

Susan walked quietly over to Laurie, placing her hand gently on Laurie's shoulder.

"Come with me, Laurie." In an instant, the flash of light appeared, and they were once again transported.

In the blink of an eye, they were standing in a child's bedroom. The wallpaper was old and dingy, and the wood beneath it was mildewed and stained where water had soaked through. There was a woman and a young child, and at first Laurie failed to recognize the woman. But when she spoke, she knew who it was immediately.

"Well, you've been really good this year. I think Santa can see his way to bringing you something. Only a few days left so you'll have to be on your best behavior, Sam."

Laurie instantly recognized the voice as that of her lifelong friend, Gail Lyons.

"It's Gail!," she said to Susan. "But she's never looked like that before in her life! She's always taken such pride in her appearance! What happened to her? And the boy's face, he reminds me of someone else I knew also. I just can’t place it."

"Just watch Laurie, watch and learn. Remember, she is no longer married to Kurt." Susan reminded her.

"Do you think one of these days we can have a Christmas tree," Sam asked as he climbed into his bed. "I've always wanted a Christmas Tree. Maybe that's why Santa doesn't come sometimes is because we don't have a Christmas tree or a chimney."

"Mayby one of these days, Sammy," Gail replied. "Next year, we'll see about getting a tree."

"That would be cool, mommmy. I love you mommy," Sam said as he pulled the blankets up over himself.

Sam's eyelids started to droop and Gail bent over to kiss him. "I love you too Sammy," she said. "Hopefully one of these days, things will be better."

Laurie watched as Gail left the darkened room and started to follow her until Susan grabbed her shoulder. "Wait a minute, Laurie. There's something you must see."

Sammy wasn't quite asleep and he began to talk groggily.

“God, please don’t let Daddy come home and start hitting mommy.” The child said from his bed. Then quickly drifted off to sleep.

Susan turned to Laurie. "Gail was able to buy Sammy a present this year because she hid some of her tip money from her husband. It's only a ten dollar plastic airplane, but to Sammy, it will be as precious as if Gail had spent a hundred dollars on it."

"Who could she have married to treat her and Sammy in such a way," Laurie asked as she quickly wiped away the tear that had fallen down her cheek.

Susan didn't say anything but motioned for Laurie to follow her into the living room where Gail was hurriedly straightening up.

At that moment the front door opened, and in walked Chuck Easterman. He was unshaven and drunk, and he smelled as if he hadn’t had a bath in days.

“Hey woman, get me a beer,” he hollered at her upon entering.

“We're out of beer, and if we had it you could get it yourself. I see you’re drunk again. As usual. Couldn’t you stay off the sauce just one night so we could get Sammy a tree for Christmas. Would it have killed you?"

"Nag, nag, nag! That's all you do."

"How could she do it? How could she have married him?," Laurie cried angrily as Chuck continued to berate Gail. "Did she have the baby and force Chuck to marry her?"

"No, Laurie. Sammy is much too young for that. But she didn't have the abortion either. If you remember, she said she would do something anything to keep her mother from having to help support a grandchild. She was quite desperate. She convinced Chuck to come over one more time, and threatened to ruin his college career if he didn’t take care of her or help her. They got into a big argument, one thing led to another, and he pushed her down the stairs causing her to lose the baby. Chuck claimed it was an accident, but to keep from going to jail he married Gail to keep her quiet. Several months later, just as he had done before, he blew out his knee. There never was any football career. When Marcella was alive, he stayed in line somewhat, and Gail always put the best light on things around her mother so as not to worry her. But Marcella was nobody's fool as she threatened more than once to put him in a jail cell if he hurt Gail. With Marcella gone, things have gotten steadily worse, especially since Sammy was born"

"Without you to lean on and support her Laurie, she had no one she could turn to. In a since, you and your family were always Gail's lifeline."

"You think you're too good for me?" Chuck was saying as he reached for Gail. "Come here and give me a kiss. Give me some of that good loving."

"Get your filthy hands off of me, you stinking drunk," Gail said as she tried to push Chuck away.

As soon as she had said the words Gail regretted them. They only served to make Chuck more persistent and a lot more angry.

"You'll do as I say if you know what's good for you, bitch," he said. "And with that he slapped her as hard as he could knocking her backwards to the floor. She layed there stunned, a trickle of blood seeping out of the corner of her mouth that she quickly wiped away with her tongue. He walked over and grabbed her by the arm, pulling the stunned Gail towards the couch.

"You ain't hurt, bitch" he slurred yanking her onto the couch and climbing on top of her.

"Please, Chuck! Don't do this to me! Not like this!," Gail said trying to push him off of her. “Sammy might wake up.”

"Shut up, and do as you're told," They watched as Chuck Began trying to kiss and grope Gail.

"I won't let you do this, Chuck. Not here. I'll Kill you if I have to," Gail yelled.

She continued to struggle, At one point she was able to push Chuck away from her but only breifly. Gail's fingernails scraped across his cheek drawing blood. It only angered Chuck more.

"I'll teach you," he said and with full force swung his fist, bring it solidly against Gail’s face thwarting her escape. He then began ripping away her clothing, and having removed Gail’s shirt, began to squeeze her breast until Gail screamed. Chuck only laughed.

"Dammit mother, help her!" Laurie screamed.

"I cannot interfere, Laurie," Susan said softly.

Laurie could stand it no more. She closed her eyes and grabbed her head as if somehow she could shut off her mind as to what was happening.

"Please mother, then get me out of here. Don't make me watch this! Please!"

Without saying a word, Susan quietly put her arms around Laurie as they were engulfed once again into the light.

"Why did I have to see that?" Laurie cried trying to wipe away her tears with little success. She would no sooner wipe one away then more would fall. She had never felt such shame and guilt in her entire life. Shame because she had spent the past six months wallowing in self pity, when so many people had needed her to be strong, the same people that had always depended on her. She had let them down, herself down, and most of all she knew she had let her father down.

"There was no other way," Susan said . "Yet, I'm still not convinced that you know how precious and meaningful life is and how much you have meant to so many people. To you, this is still just a dream, or maybe even a nightmare. But everything you have seen is real. Perhaps what you will see here will convince you.”

For the first time Laurie looked at her surroundings. The room they were in this time was instantly recognizable. It was the Hospital waiting room she had been in earlier that day.

"What are we doing here?" Laurie asked when she had finally wiped away the last of her tears.

"There's something I want you to see, Laurie. My time here is running out. Do you know those people over there?"

"Yes, I met them earlier before I performed surgery on their son. They’re Mason Washington's parents. I saved his life."

"Tell me, Laurie," Susan asked. "Why didn't you talk to them after the surgery?"

Laurie felt ashamed once again. "Because I was resentful. Their son was alive and my father was dead. Because I could save his life and could do nothing to save the life of my own father. It seemed so unfair."

"You're going to find that there a lot of injustices in the world that we can do nothing about, Laurie. Until the human race progresses past it's own inhumanity, there always will be. Then sometimes things may seem cruel and unfair to you, when actually there's very good reasons for why they happen even though we don't always understand why. Did you know that the Washington's once had another child, a girl. Her name was Rebecca and she died of leukemia at the age of five. And after Mason was born, they found out that Mrs. Washington could have no more children."

"No, I didn't," was all Laurie could manage to say. "But why are they still here, in the waiting room? They should be with their son or have gone home for the evening."

Susan didn't answer her.

It was at that moment that Dr. Rolf came walking dejectedly into the waiting room.

"I'm sure he's okay," Mr. Washington was saying, trying to calm his wife, although it didn't appear to Laurie that he was being very convincing.

In a matter of seconds, Jeremy Rolf had reached them, but he seemed unable to speak.

“My boy?” she said. “Will he be okay?”

Jeremy looked as if he was fighting back tears. “I’m sorry Mr. and Mrs. Washington. I did everything I possibly could. I guess....I guess......it just wasn't enough" and Jeremy could say no more.

And with that, Mason Washinton’s mother screamed and began to openly sob. “No, dear god, please, not my baby, not my baby boy. Please don’t take my baby boy!” Mr. Washington wrapped his arm about his wife, his own sobs coming in huge gasps.

"NO!," Laurie screamed accusingly at her mother. I saved that boy's life. You can't let this happen."

"Laurie, it's out of my hands. Think about it Laurie. How many lives have been lost because you wished you had never been born? The boy you were talking to Joe about that night at the Back Alley Cafe who had been shot during a drive by didn't make it either. And how many more lives could have been saved in the future? You have a skill and a gift that very few people have and you want to throw it away as if it were meaningless."

Laurie didn’t want to hear anymore. All she could do was sob.

Laurie looked up at her. “Where is Angela, mother? Take me to her? I don’t care what happens to me now as long as I know her and Suzie are okay. I’ll give up my life as long as I know they are happy. That’s all that matters.”

“Are you sure you want to know? Remember, you are no longer a part of Angela’s life.”

“Yes, mother. I have to know that Angela is okay. Please, take me to her.”

“Very well, Laurie. So be it.” She took Laurie’s hands once again, and with the flash of light they were instantly transported once again.

"Do you recognize this house, Laurie?"

"Yes, yes of course," she answered hurriedly. "It's mine and Angela's. It's our house in Los Angeles." The fact that Angela might be living in the same house had made her hopeful.

"The two of you were very happy here once, weren't you?"

"Yes, we were," Laurie said determined to fight back her tears. "But it looks exactly the same as when we lived in it. How could that be?"

"Everything will become come clear to you very soon."

And no sooner had Susan spoken than a car pulled into the driveway. In it were two passengers, a man and a woman.

"Who are they?" Laurie asked. "Who's living here?"

Susan didn't answer but motioned for Laurie to watch.

From around the driveway emerged the man and the woman. They woman was dressed in a beautiful blue evening gown, and the man was impeccably dressed in a suit. The woman had long coal black hair, but yet was instantly recognizable to Laurie.

"It's Angela! Who's she with? Is she living alone? I don't understand any of this."

"Just listen Laurie," Susan cautioned as Angela and the person she was with were speaking.

"Did you enjoy the play, darling. I know you've
been wanting to see it for a long time," the man said.

"It was excellent, Tony. Not quite as good as I had expected but it was okay. I know you went through a lot of trouble to get the tickets. I really don't deserve you."

"Sure you do," he answered smiling. "And just wait until you see what I have planned for you for Christmas."

"Whatever it is, I know it will be special," she replied. "It always is."

Tony and Angela walked up to the front porch.

They paused for a moment before going in.

"Have I told you that you look beautiful, today?" Tony asked.

"Oh, at least a hundred times," Angela replied.

"If I could have a painting of you made right now, standing in the moonlight, I would cherish it forever," Tony told her. "I love you so much, Angela darling."

And without saying another word, he took Angela into his arms, and kissed her passionately. And she returned the kiss.

"I thought you said this wasn't a dream?," Laurie told Susan accusingly. "Well, this proves once and for all that it is. Only a dream could be this screwed up. You know as well as I do that Angela is gay and nothing, absolutely nothing can change that. And the house is completely the same. What are the chances of that?"

Susan's patience was wearing thin. "Laurie, I told you not to judge anything by first appearances. Look at this house. It is exactly the same as when Angela and you lived here because it was Angela that picked the house out, just as it was Angela that decorated it. And just as you did, Tony let her decorate it. It's only logical that it would be the same. Everything else will become clear to you before this night is over with."

Tony and Angela had gone into the house, Susan and Laurie followed seconds later.

"Angela, darling. Have you given anymore thought to what we talked about in the car?" Tony was saying.

"Yes, Tony. I have. And I've come to a decision. You're right. I've been totally unfair to you. You've always been so good to me in every way possible and I know I've not always been deserving of it. So, the answer is yes. We'll have a child."

Tony grabbed her and pulled her to him. His eyes began to moisten up.

"You don't know how happy you've just made me," he told her quietly. "I've been wanting us to have a family for so long but because of what happened in your past that you won't talk about, I didn't want to pressure you. I wouldn't want to have children if it meant losing you."

Tony kissed her.

"I don't know what's going on," Laurie said. "But he seems to love her very much and he seems to be very good to her."

"He does love her, Laurie. With all of his heart just as Kurt loved you once. And Angela knows that. But haven't you noticed something, Laurie. Something about Angela."

"I'm not sure I know what you mean,” Laurie replied. She was quite puzzled.

"Since we've been here, have you seen her smile at all?"

Laurie thought about it. Susan was right. Angela had not smiled or even hinted at a smile since arriving home with her husband.

"I'm really very tired after the long day at the office and then dinner and the play," Tony told her. "I'm going on to bed. Are you coming with me?"

"No, I'm a little wound up still. I think I'll stay up and watch television for a while. And tomorrow we'll get started working on that family. I promise."

Tony gave Angela another quick kiss good night, and then went into the bedroom. When Angela turned around she looked even more sad.

"She's not happy," Laurie said. What's wrong.

"Angela is very troubled, Laurie. Just watch."

Instead of turning on the TV, Angela took a book down and began to read. All Laurie could do was stand and watch.

"Angela does this often. Sometimes after Tony goes to bed, she'll read and at other times she'll watch TV. It's become somewhat of a ritual for her." Susan said.

After about half an hour, Angela put the book down and walked over to the bar.

They watch as Angela mixed herself a strong drink. Next, she pulled a bottle of pills out from under the counter, took several, then took a drink from the glass. She then took some more then took another drink. Laurie recognized the pills as being the same kind she had taken earlier to help her sleep, and had also been about to use to……….”

"Stop her!" Laurie asked Susan. “It’s dangerous to be taking that many especially with alcohol.”

"I told you Laurie. I am powerless to interfere. When you ceased to exist, everything changed and the events are what they are. The pills help her sleep. She's become extremely dependent on them. After a while she found out that having a few drinks with them would help her to sleep even more."

They watched as Angela took some more pills than another drink.

"That’s way too many! You have to stop her!" The alarm in Laurie's voice was unmistakeable.

"Laurie, you know as well as I do that with any drug, you only need a small amount. But the more you become dependent on them, the more of them you need for them to have any effect. Angela needs to forget, and it's the only way she can live with the pain."

"What pain? Forget what?" Laurie yelled. "What are you trying so hard not to tell me, mother?"

"She wants to forget about the pain she is causing Tony because she can't return his love. You were right, Laurie. Angela is consumed with guilt because she can't love this wonderful man who loves her so much and has given her so much. And the pills ease the pain of having to live her life in a disguise, of not being able to live her life the way she wants to."

"But why? Why can't she? She was always so strong."

This time it was Susan's tone who was accusatory.

"Because you weren't there for her Laurie. Yes, Angela was very strong and willful. But it was a strength that came from the love she had for you. It was the love that the two of you shared that made her able to stand up to her parents and be the person she was. It was that love which made her believe anything was possible and that someday she could love someone and find real happiness."

"Her parents did find out she was gay, when they happened on some gay web sites she had been visiting on the computer. Without that love that bound the two of you together for her to draw strength from, she couldn't stand up to them. They sent her to a degayification camp to cure her. But of course, all they did was make her feel dirty, ashamed and guilty about who she was so that she suppressed those feelings. She didn't marry Tony out of love, she married him because he was a good person and thought she could learn to love him just as you once thought you could learn to love Kurt. In essence, what has happened to Angela is what would have happened to you if you had married Kurt."

They watched as Angela walked over to the recliner, laid down in it, and in seconds she was asleep.

"It won't be very long, Laurie." Susan said softly.

"NO! This can't happen! Dammit Angela wake up," Laurie yelled at her. "Don't do this! Mother, do something. You can stop it if you want to. Help her! Take me in her place. She doesn’t deserve this. I love her. I can’t watch her die."

"It's out of my hands, Laurie. Some things are just meant to be."

"NO! This wasn't meant to be! We were meant to be together! I can't stand by and watch her die!"

Laurie grabbed Susan, her tears running freely down her cheecks.

"Please mother! Please! Take me home! I'm sorry! Please take me home! Don't let her die! I love her so much!"

"I'm sorry, Laurie. There is nothing I can do. My own memory of you is starting to fade because you've never been born. Soon I will be gone from here and you will remember me no more."

"NO! I was born! You are my mother! I can never forget you! Please forgive me!"

But it was no use. When Laurie looked up, Susan had disappeared.

She ran back over to Angela, who's breath had become dangerously shallow.

"Please, mother! Come back! Help me! I'm sorry! Please God, Please help me. I want to live again. I want to live again! I’m sorry."

Laurie buried her face in her hands, the sobs violently shaking her own body. Then suddenly she felt a familiar comforting arm around her.

"You really had a wonderful life, Laurie. It would be such a shame to throw it all away," a voice spoke to her softly.

"Oh dad! Help me! I'm so scared! Help Angela. Please!"

Joe wrapped his arms around her and drew her close to him.

“Laurie, I know this has been hard on you, but you must not blame yourself for what happened. I went with you that night because I wanted to. Being there, being able to save your life is the greatest thing I could have ever done in my life. Don’t mourn me any longer, be happy as I am and live your life to the fullest so that it will continue to mean as much as it always has. You have so much to give to so many people. And there are so many people who love you. Always remember that Laurie”

And when he finished speaking, Joe was no longer there. And once again Laurie was left alone.

"I'm sorry, dad. Please. Let me go home! Angela, I love you. Please don't die."

And as she sobbed, the room grew dark and cold. Laurie felt herself standing in an empty void. Then in seconds, there was another blinding flash of light, and she felt someone's hands on her shaking her violently.

"Laurie, wake up!" She heard Bettie's voice yelling at her. "Laurie, it's me. Your mother. Angela and Suzie are here. Please wake up!"

"Is Mommy Laurie going to be okay," Suzie cried.

"She's going to be okay, she's just having a nightmare," Angela said but in her heart she wasn't so sure. Bettie and her had even tried lifting Laurie into a sitting position to no avail. She was out cold.

Angela was on the verge of calling an ambulance, when suddenly Laurie began to stir and lifted herself groggily off of the bench.

"Laurie, are you okay? What happened, honey?" Bettie asked worriedly.

"Mom! Do you know me? Do you recognize me? Don't call the police?" Laurie yelled in a frightened tone.

"Laurie, of course I recognize you. And why would I call the police? We were about ready to call an ambulance."

Laurie climbed off of the bench, tears still streaming down her face.

"Oh mom! You do know me!"

"Of course, Laurie. You were just having a bad dream!"

"No mother, it wasn't a dream. It wasn't a dream at all. It was all too real to be a dream. I wished I'd never been born, and than Susan came and made it so I wasn't born. You didn't recognize me, and everything was completely different. It was awful!"

"There, there Laurie. Sometimes bad dreams can seem real, but they are still dreams. But why would you wish something like that?"

"Because I thought it was my fault Dad was killed. That night we went to the bar, he didn't want to go and I talked him into it instead of letting him stay at the house. I thought if I hadn’t been so selfish and forced him to go he would still be alive. It’s my fault he isn’t here with you any more."

"And if he hadn’t gone, Laurie, chances are you or Angela would have been killed. I think if Joe was here he would say that saving your life was the greatest thing he ever could have done."

Laurie wrapped her arms around Bettie pulling her tightly to her.

"That's exactly what dad did say, mom. He was there also, but only for a moment. And that's what he told me. He held me in his arms and for the first time in a long time I felt safe and warm all over"

“I believe you, Laurie,” Bettie said softly. “And I know it’s been hard on you. Yes, I miss Joe. I will always miss Joe. But I would have missed you and Angela also. And if Joe hadn’t gone to the nightclub, think of how he would have punished himself thinking that if he had been there he might have been able to do something. So you see, there was a reason for Joe to be with you that night. It’s part of what life is and we learn to live with our grief and overcome it the best way that we can. So don’t blame yourself ever again for what happened.”

Laurie reached over and began to hug Angela. “Can you ever forgive me. I’ve been so awful to you and Suzie. I love both of you so much and I don’t ever want to lose you!”

“There’s nothing to forgive, Laurie. I didn’t understand the burden you were carrying around. I love you too. You and Suzie are my whole life. I don't know how I could live without you.”

“See, I told you there were really Angels!” Suzie said.

For the first time, Laurie smiled and grabbed Suzie up in her arms.

“Yes Suzie, there are angels! And they're here looking after all of us!”

“Geez, what’s all the commotion about,” Dag asked as she, Glenn and Veronica came out on the patio. “Doesn’t anybody around here sleep?”

Laurie couldn't help but laugh!

“Yes, Dag, for the first time in a long time, we’ll all be able to sleep!” was all Laurie told her. And with that she ran over and grabbed the startled Dag almost knocking her over and then hugged her her as tight as she possibly could.

“I’m so glad you didn’t marry Andy,” She told her.

“Andy? Andy? I haven’t thought of that creep in years. What made you think of him?”

“Never mind, sis. No reason at all,” Laurie replied and simply held Dag even tighter. “Merry Christmas, Dag” she whispered.

“Merry Christmas, Laurie. It’s good to have you back,” Dag replied softly as he own tears began to fall. Dag wasn't entirely sure she knew what was going on, but she knew that her sister was back and that was all that mattered. It would be a good Christmas after all.

Epilogue

Laurie was sleeping soundly and peacefully. She wasn’t dreaming of plumb bobs dancing in her head, in fact she wasn’t dreaming at all. But she certainly heard the voice by her bed, and the thumping of feet as the person they belonged to jumped up and down. She only hoped the voice by the bed would run off to watch television soon.

“Wake up, mommy,” Susie coaxed. “Wake up, mama! It’s Christmas Eve and Grandma says you have to get up because there's a lot of work to do before everybody gets here!"

Laurie and Angela tried not to stir.

It was Angela who felt Suzie's warm breath on her face.

"Are you awake yet?" Suzie asked.

"Yes, I'm awake," Angela replied groggily not opening her eyes.

"Are you sure? Grandma says that I can't leave the room until you are awake?"

"You can leave, Suzie. Tell Grandma, we're awake."

"If you're awake then let me see your eyeballs."

Angela flickered her eyes open. That seemed to satisfy Suzie.

As Laurie and Angela began to awaken, Suzie ran hurriedly out of the room back towards the stairs.

"Grandma! Grandma! They're awake! I saw their eyeballs!," they heard her yell.

"She may have seen my eyeballs, but I can't see out of them from this side very well yet," Angela yawned.

"I know what you mean. What time is it anyway?"

"Seven a.m. Oh heck, I'm laying back down," Angela made a move like she was going to get back under the covers.

"Oh no you don't," Laurie said pulling Angela up out of the bed and onto the floor. "If I have to get up, so do you."

"We look like a couple of very hung over Christmas presents," Laurie said looking disgustedly at her reflection in the mirror. "What was in that egg nog anyway?"

"Jerome's secret Christmas egg nog recipe. His brother gave it to me before we left L.A. Pretty good stuff, wasn't it?"

"Too good. And it packed quite a wallop. Which do you want, shower or bath?"

"I'll take the shower," Angela said. "You can have the tub but don't fall asleep in it or Suzie will be up here prying your eyeballs open."

Laurie turned around and hugged Angela tightly.

"Have I told you how much I love you lately?" Laurie asked softly.

"About a million times since the other night. But that's okay. You can tell me a million more times and a million times more after that. After all of these years, I never tire of hearing it."

"Hurry up you two, and don't forget to put on your Christmas clothes!" They heard a voice yelling loudly from downstairs.

They both laughed and headed for the bathroom.

"Fa la la la la, Merry Christmas and how do we look?" Laurie asked when the two of them finally arrived downstairs.

"You look very Christmassy," Bettie told them.

"Wow Mommy Laurie! Wow Mama Angela! You're beautiful!" Suzie said her voice ringing in adoration.

"Yes, but not as pretty as you," Angela told her. "As for you," Angela said looking at Bettie, "you look like you've been raiding Mrs. Claus's closet."

"You look great, mom."

"Well, I wasn't sure that this idea Suzie had of everybody dressing in Christmas clothes would go over, but now I'm glad she thought of it. Anyway, breakfast is on the table, let's eat and get it out of the way before everybody starts arriving."

After breakfast, Suzie coaxed Angela and Laurie into playing a video game with her while Bettie cheered them on, rooting for Suzie of course. They had been playing for about fifteen minutes when Dag arrived.

"Well, if it isn't Dag, the Christmas elf!" Laurie teased getting up from the couch.
Dag was wearing a very short and very revealing Christmas outfit. It looked almost as if she had put on a Santa suit without the pants.

"Go ahead and make your jokes, Laurie," Dag replied. "Glenn thinks it's very sexy."

"You look absolutely darling, Dag. Don't listen to Laurie." Bettie told her. Then she whispered to Dag in a low voice.

"Did Glenn's friend come through for us?"

"Yes, he'll be here around five or six after he finishes at the orphanage. Glenn told him about our predicament with Suzie and he said he would know what to do."

A friend from the TV station Glenn managed had volunteered to come to the Baker home and play Santa Claus. He dressed up as Santa for the kids at the orphanage every Christmas Eve and said it would be no problem to stop by the Baker household afterwards.

Glenn had arrived and set a bunch of presents under the tree.

"So Glenn, you liked Dag's outfit," Laurie teased.

"Well..." he muttered his face turning red. "It's different."

"I'm just kidding, sis" Laurie told her. "You look absolutely stunning."

"So do you, Laurie!" she said giving Laurie a quick hug.

"Have you two decided about adoption yet?"

"Well, I told you Glenn really thought my outfit was sexy when I was trying it on. So we kind of got in a hurry last night and it looks like we may be doing both. Only time will tell!"

Laurie couldn't help but laugh as Glenn walked away.

Just then the doorbell rang. If it was family, they would have walked on in so Laurie went to answer it.

"Mr & Mrs. Washington!," Laurie said quite surprised to see them at her front door. She could not remember ever having been visited at home by any of her patients or their family. "What can I do for you?"

"I know it's Christmas Eve and you probably don't want to be bothered. But please, call me Viv and my husband's name is Jim. It's just that we didn't get a chance to see you after Mason's surgery and we wanted to thank you personally for everything you did."

"You didn't have to come way out here, Viv. I mean I just did what any doctor would do."

"Yes, but Dr. Rolf told me there's not another Doctor in this town who can do what you did. I don't know if you know it or not, but we had a daughter who died of leukemia not too long ago. I don't know what I would have done if we had lost Mason,"

A chill went quickly down Laurie's spine. Then she decided that Dr. Rolf must have told her in passing about the Mason's daughter and that fact had worked itself into her dream.

"Yes, I had heard that. Please, won't you come in?" Laurie asked.

"We'd love to, but we're on are way to the hospital to spend Christmas with Mason," Jim told her.

"Dr. Rolf told us that you were practicing in L.A. and you may return there. Is that true?"

"I really haven't decided yet," Laurie answered.

"Well, I hope you decide to stay. I know Devonshire has it's rough edges, but we don't manage to keep a lot of good doctors, especially surgeons of your caliber"

"And if you were to decide to set up a private practice here, I'd be more than happy to help you get started," Jim continued. "I own several of the medical buildings and clinics near the hospital, and I'd be more than willing to let you use one of them, rent free. All you would have is your other expenses."

"That's a very generous offer, Jim. But I'd have to talk it over with my spouse."

As if on cue, Angela arrived at the door.

"And speaking of my spouse, this is Angela Jordan."

Jim shook her hand warmly as did Viv.

"I hope besides just being our doctor we can all get to be good friends," Viv told Angela as she shook her hand.

"As a matter of fact, I'll give you a card with my home phone number," Jim said handing Angela the card. “It has our home phone number and maybe we can get together for dinner or something."

"You know, I think I'd like that, Jim," Angela told him.

There was an awkward silence for a second.

"Well, thanks again Dr...."

"Please, call me Laurie." she told him.

"Thanks again, Laurie," He said shaking her hand.

Viv walked over and hugged Laurie.

"Thank you so much, Laurie! Thank you for my son's life."

"You don't need to thank me. I'm just glad I was able to save him," Laurie said. She wasn't even slightly embarrased. She felt only pride for what she had done.

"Very nice people," Angela said after they had left.

"Yes they, are," Laurie told her. "Angela....would you be terribly disappointed if we lived here in Devonshire instead of going back to Los Angeles. I mean after all the work you did on the house and everything."

"Laurie, of course not. My life is where ever you are and what makes you happy. This was your home, and now I feel like its our home.

"And besides," Angela laughed, "your mom is thinking about redecorating this house and she said if we stayed she would put me in charge of the redecorating detail. She says it's too big of a house for just her."

"I'm thinking of taking Jim up on his offer," Laurie said. "But if I do, it's only if you're agreeable to it and also it wouldn't be until next year, sometime."

"I'm certainly agreeable to it. I love it here in Devonshire. I feel this is where I grew up in a lot of ways. But why not until next year?"

"Because we're lagging behind on our family and neither one of us is getting any younger. It's my turn to experience the joys of pregnancy. I've made an appointment at the clinic for next week."

Angela laughed. "You're just full of surprises! As for the joy's of pregnancy, we'll see if you're still saying that about five or six months from now!"

And when they kissed they were oblivious to the fact that Kurt, Gail and their son Marcus had arrived and were watching.

"I hate mushy stuff," Marcus said.

"Geez, what is it with you two?" Gail said. "Are you going to be lip locked forever?"

"No," Laurie laughed, we're going to have a baby.

"Well, you'll have to find another way than standing out here on the sidewalk making out. I don't think that's how it's done." he laughed.

"You look terrific, Gail! I hope I look as good as you do at six months!," Laurie laughed.

"You'll never look as good as me so get used to it," Gail replied.

Laurie laughed as Kurt reached over to give her a hug. "How are you doing kiddoe," he asked.

"Things couldn't be better Kurt. I never did thank you for stopping at the cemetery the other day. I can always count on you to come through for me. On the other hand..."

"On the other hand what?" Kurt asked puzzled.

"Don't ever let me catch you at Harry's Place!"

"Harry's?" Kurt asked puzzled. "I've never been there. Why would you say that?"

"Never you mind. Just stay away from there."

Kurt shrugged his shoulders then turned to hug Angela.

"What's she talking about?" Kurt asked her.

"Oh, it's just a dream she had," Angela said.

"That explains everything," Kurt said knowing that it explained nothing.

"Merry Christmas, Laurie," Gail said hugging her extra tightly.

"Laurie, we really have to talk sometime today," she whispered. "After everything you and your family have done for me, there has to be some way for me to help you get back to being the Laurie I used to know."

"It's okay, Gail," she whispered. "I'm back. Everything is okay again"

Gail pulled away to look at her. She would know if Laurie was lying. When Laurie smiled warmly, Gail knew the old Laurie had returned. It had been a long time since she had seen Laurie smile at all.

Gail hugged her again. "Merry Christmas, Laurie," She said softly.

"Merry Christmas to you too, Gail. You look fabulous."

"You look great yourself," Gail replied breaking away. "Marcus wasn't too happy about wearing his Christmas jacket though."

"Marc, why don't you like your jacket? I think you look handsome. You're going to be a real heartbreaker when you grow up!"

"I don't want to break any hearts," he said. "I just want to play the playstation." And then he ran into the house.

As early evening approached almost the entire Baker clan had arrived on the scene, including Nick, his wife Allison and their son Matthew. Grandpa Frank was there, along with his namesake and grandchild Little Frank. Keith would not be arriving until the next morning.

When little Frank arrived, he came in shaking his head. "Well, no White Christmas again this year."

The comment brought chuckles and remebrances of Joe Baker doing the same thing every year.

"Not so little anymore are you?" Grandpa Frank told him.

The twins arrived home having left just before a snowstorm hit the midwest. Of course, Ronnie was there along with his new bride, just as Dagmar said he would be. The kids spent most of the day in front of the TV watching DVD's and playing video games.

Everyone remarked about the change in Laurie, but she told no one about her dream, knowing they would think it was just foolishness.

As the sunset and darkness fell, Suzie began walking around dejectedly with her head hung down. It was Angela who noticed it first.

"Are you okay, sweetie," she asked Suzie who was standing in front of one of the many Santa Claus pictures, head hung low.

"I guess Santa couldn't get God to let grandpa come home," she answered dejectedly.

"Don't give up hope baby," Angela told her. "It's just Christmas Eve night and there's all day tomorrow. I'm sure Santa will think of something."

"Do you really think so mama?" she said looking up for the first time and smiling.

"Yes, Angela. I have a feeling that Santa will think of something."

Laurie wasn't unaware of what was going on either. She walked hurriedly over to Glenn.

"Are you sure your friend is coming?" she asked him.

"Positive," Glenn said. "He called and told me he'd be leaving the Orphanage any minute and would be on his way."

"Don't worry, Laurie," Dag tried to reassure her. "It's all under control. This guy is really very good. He'll have you believing in Santa Claus before it's over with."

"Well, maybe I already do," Laurie chuckled.

"I told him not to knock to just come on in. We can't have Santa knocking on the door. It wouldn't be right," Glenn told her.

And a half an hour later.....there was the unmistakeable sound of "Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas" reverberating through the house as Santa stepped through the doorway.

"Santa!" Suzie exclaimed while running towards him.

Angela breathed a sigh of relief. He was a great looking Santa.

"Why you must be Suzie," He bellowed reaching down to return her hug. "You've been an awfully good girl this year!"

"Yes, I have Santa! I've been extra good!" She looked around behind Santa as if she were looking for someone.

"Did you bring him? Did you bring my Grandpa with you?" she asked hurriedly.

"Ho Ho Ho," Santa yelled raising hi arms. "That's why I'm here Suzie. But first I need to talk to you!"

"You didn't bring him did you, Santa?," Suzie said her head drooping once again. "That's okay, I know you really tried."

Santa Claus gently took Suzie by the hand and led her over to a chair, then gently sat her on his lap.

"Suzie, I know you wished for your Grandpa to be here. But what you don't understand is that your grandfather is an angel. And we can't see angels. If we could they wouldn't be angels would they? Your granfather is here, he's always here with you. Look around you, and I see so much love for your grandpa in this room. How could he not be here?"

"I suppose so," Suzie said as if she weren't sure.

"Tell me Suzie, is there anything special you remember about Christmas with your Grandpa."

For the first time Suzie smiled. "There is a song he used to sing to me. He told me it was a special song that he thought of every Christmas. Last year he taught me to sing it too, and we sang it together."

Santa smiled warmly. "Would you sing it for me, Suzie? As your Christmas gift to Santa? I'm sure if you were to sing that song, your Grandpa will be right here listening. As long as you remember that song, he will always be here."

"Okay, Santa. I'll sing it for grandpa."

Suzie slid quietly off Santa's lap and walked over to the Karaoke machine which had already been set up by Laurie in anticipation. She gently handed Suzie the microphone, and kissed her on the cheek.

Suzie appeared nervous. She had never sung alone before.

"It's okay, Suzie," Laurie reassured her.

Hesitantly she began.

Suzie gently laid down the mike, and as she did you could have heard a pin drop in the room.

"You were right Santa, I did feel Grandpa was here with me when I was singing."

She looked quietly around the room.

"Why is everybody crying?," she asked. "Did I sing bad?"

"No Suzie," Santa told her hugging her warmly. "You sang like an angel. Everybody is crying because they are remembering, and sometimes happy memories do make us cry."

When Bettie had finished drying her tears, she walked over to hug the Santa Claus.

"Thank you Santa," she told him. "You've made this a memorable Christmas for all of us."

"It was my pleasure, Mrs. Baker. You have a family anybody would be proud of."

"Thank you, Santa," Laurie said also giving him a hug. "You've given Suzie the happiest Christmas she could possibly have. You've given it to all of us."

"Well," Santa said choking back his own tears, "That's what Santa is supposed to do isn't it."

But Laurie couldn't help but think that when Santa was hugging her, she felt warm, cozy, and protected. She thought it was almost like that night in her dream but she knew she was imagining it and quickly shook it off.

"Santa, I know you're busy this being Christmas Eve and all, but would you do us a favor. Every year we take a Christmas picture of all of us together. Unfortunately, the timer isn't working on the camera and this year if one of us takes it they'll be left out. Would you do it for us?"

"I'd be glad to," Santa told her. "Gather everybody around."

It took a while to get everybody lined up but eventually they managed. Grandpa Frank, Bettie, Nick and Allison stood in the back row. Glenn Dag, Angela and Laurie stood in the next row and in front of them were Kurt, Gail, Ronnie and his wife.. The twins, Little Frank, and Matthew stood in the front row. Seated in front were Veronica, Suzie, Marcus, and Eddie.

"Is everybody ready?" Santa asked.

"We're ready, Santa!" Everybody yelled.

"Okay then, say Merry Christmas!"

"MERRY CHRISTMAS" They yelled, and as they did the flash went off and Santa took the picture.

"Well, Santa's got a lot of work to do! I would love to stay with you for the rest of the evening but it is Christmas Eve and Santa has a lot of places to go tonight!"

"Merry Christmas, Santa," Everybody yelled as they waved at him.

"Merry Christmas everyone, and a very Happy New Year," He yelled back at them, then turned and went out the door with one last rambunctious Ho-Ho-Ho.

"Why didn't he go up the chimney?" Suzie asked.

"Well, because we have a fire going in the fireplace," Laurie told her. "Don't worry, I'll put it out later for when he delivers the presents."

"Oh, okay," Suzie replied.

Outside, two figures stood alone on the sidewalk.

"Well, how did I do?" Santa asked her.

"Absolutely perfect," Susan said wiping away a tear. "I couldn't have done it any better."

"I thought angels weren't supposed to get emotionally involved?" Santa asked noticing the tear she had wiped away.

"That's doctors, not angels!" Susan told him. "At least I got to see what you looked like with a beard. I always wondered about that."

"You really miss her, don't you?" she asked quietly.

Santa didn't answer her. There was no need to as he was sure Susan already knew the answer. Instead he walked her across the street and snapped his fingers causing the Santa outfit to disappear.

"Hmmm, I think I like you better with the beard," Susan told Joe.

He laughed. "You know, Glenn and Kurt tried really hard on the decorations and Bettie wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. But the reindeer are on the wrong side of the house and it's irritating."

"Oh no, you don't," Susan warned. "Don't even think about it." She started to grab Joe's wrist but it was too late.

Joe paid her no mind and snapped his fingers.

"There, that's better," he said as the reindeer appeared instantly on the other side of the house.

Susan shook her head. "Now look what you've done. Don't you think their going to think that it’s a bit strange for reindeers to be floating around the yard?"

Joe laughed. "Oh, they'll come up with some logical explanation. Mortals always do. But now the other side of the yard looks rather empty. I'd better take care of that."

"No Joe, don't do it," she said grabbing his arm. But it was too late. He had already snapped his fingers. Instantly a two foot tall elf appeared on the lawn.

Susan squinted. "Kind of small isn't it? Of course, you being new and all it's understandable."

She snapped her fingers. Suddenly the two foot tall elf sprung up, reaching almost to the second floor.

"There, that's better," she said admiring her work.

"I am impressed," Joe replied. "Still.....it needs just a dab more." He snapped his fingers.

"I always wanted to build a snowman," he told Susan as a snowman appeared magically on the lawn.

Susan sighed. "You know Michael isn't going to like this," she told him sternly. But Susan looked quickly around to make sure nobody was watching. "Still your snowman is kind of puny also." She waved her arm and instantly a snowman at least two feet taller than Joe’s appeared next to his.

"That's better," she said. "Now your little snowman won't be so lonely."

"Wow, I am impressed," Joe told her.

"Maybe a few more lights?" Susan asked. "I could........"

"That will be quite enough of that you two," Michael said from behind them.

Joe and Susan turned around sheepishly, ready to face the wrath of Michael.

"I can tell I'm going to have my hands full with the two of you working together?" Michael grinned.

"Do you mean it, Michael? We're working together?" Susan asked eagerly.

"Yes, you are. Joe will be apprenticing with you for a while meaning you'll be his boss. Do you think you can handle that, Joe?"

Joe grinned. "I'm sure we'll get along just fine, Michael."

"Then let me congratulate the both of you on a job well done," Michael said as he he patted them on the back. "And oh yeah, Merry Christmas guys!"

"Merry Christmas, Michael," They told him.

"We've got a lot of work to do so we had better get going. You're family is going to be just fine Joe"

They stood and looked at the Baker home one last second before heading down the sidewalk. As they headed up the walk, Joe took one last glance longingly at the home he had left behind. Then quietly, he snapped his fingers one more time and grinned. Michael merely smiled knowingly before the three of them faded into invisibility.

Inside the Baker home, the guys were sitting watching a football game as the women descended from down the stairs.

"Did you get them all to bed?" Glenn asked. "How did you find room for everybody?"

"We managed, no thanks to you guys," Dag said to him. "Thanks for your help."

"And you too, Kurt Miller!" Gail said confronting him. "There is no reason why you guys couldn't have helped!"

"Okay, okay you've made your point. But don't forget, us guys have to stay up all night putting toys together. Or would you have rather us get everybody to bed and you put toys together."

Gail laughed. "No thanks, you guys can have at it."

It was then that she noticed the camera still standing where Santa had taken the picture.

"Hey, did anybody get the picture out of the camera," she asked looking around.

Of course nobody had.

"I'll get it out," Bettie said walking over to the camera.

She pulled on the picture, but it wouldn't come out.

"It seems to be stuck," she said. "I hope we didn't leave it in there too long."

"Just don't tear it," Laurie told her.

Bettie pulled again, and this time the picture came sliding out and she began examining it. At first it appeared okay until she inspected it a little closer.

And what she saw startled her so much she almost dropped the picture.

"I don't believe it!," She said. "It can't be! This is impossible!"

"What is it mom? What's wrong?" Angela asked. There was something in Bettie's voice that was alarming.

"Look at it," she said holding the picture as they gathered around to see. "Look at the picture."

At first, they had to squint to see it. But it didn't take long for them to realize
what it was they were seeing.

"This can't be," Dag said. "There's no way!"

"Well, pictures don't lie, or at least that's what they always say in court," Bettie told her.

There in the picture, standing right behind Bettie, was Joe.

"I guess your friend really is Santa Claus," Laurie told Glenn.

"Don't be ridiculous," Glenn told her. "There has to be a logical explanation."

"Well, what is it?" Dag asked him.

"You mother had trouble getting the picture out. There was probably an old photograph in there and it double exposed or something," Glenn said quite proud of his explanation. "We're not living in the twilight zone."

Just then Glenn's cell phone rang. He quickly pulled it out and answered it before someone could challenge his undeniable logic. He was thankful to be let off the hook.

"Oh hi....we were just looking.....what?........what do you mean?" Glenns face began to turn white but he continued to talk.

"No, no.....I understand.......it couldn't be helped.....no it was taken care of.....everything turned out fine.....no you don't need to come over....but thanks for trying......no you don't need to keep apologizing.....yes, the little girl is fine......Merry Christmas to you too."

He hung up the phone and gulped.

"What was that all about?" Dag asked.

"That was the guy from the station. The one who was supposed to play Santa for us."

"Supposed to? What do you mean supposed to?" Bettie asked.

"It seems when he started to leave the orphanage his car wouldn't start. He tried and tried but couldn't get it to run and couldn't figure out why. Then mysteriously it started up just a few minutes ago"

"If that wasn't your friend, then who was Santa?"

"I don't know," Glenn said sheepishly.

Angela laughed. "Obviously you people don't know anything. That was the real Santa!"

Laurie turned toward Bettie. "Mom, that time you were in a coma, when you got hit by that car.......did you...was there....."

"Was there what, Laurie?"

Laurie shook her head. "Never mind....it's just that...."

Laurie didn't finish. Instead she turned and raced toward the front door, Bettie following right behind her.

"Oh my, will you look at this! I don't believe it! It's beautiful!" Laurie said shivering.

It was snowing, and snowing hard with much of it already covering the ground.

"I'm getting too old for surprises like this," Bettie said. "This is just unbelievable."

"And look over there!" Laurie said as she pointed to the snowmen and elf.

"Where did all of that stuff come from?"

"I guess our mystery Santa left them," Bettie told her. "Where are the reindeer?" She looked over to the other side of the yard where she saw the electric reindeer in their proper place.

"I suppose he could have moved the reindeer also," Bettie told her. "I didn't have the heart to tell the guys they had put the reindeer in the wrong place."

"But mother, how would he have known? I knew, Dag Suzie and you knew they were in the wrong place but I don't think Glenn or Kurt would have known what a big deal it was to dad to have them on this side of the house. Nor would anybody else have for that matter."

"Laurie, sometimes things happen that we can't explain. And to tell you the truth, I don't want an explanation. I just want to believe that something miraculous has happened. It makes it more like Christmas. Do you know what I mean?

"Yes, mother, I think I do."

"Well, Joe" Bettie said quietly, "It looks like you finally got your White Christmas. Merry Christmas, Joe."

Laurie looked at her, and smiled knowingly. "Merry Christmas, dad" she said. "It was great having you home again."

She turned toward her mother. Tears brimming in her eyes.

"Merry Christmas, mom!"

"Merry Christmas, Laurie," Bettie said as she reached for her.

And as they stood there in the snow, hugging each other, they once again felt warm and tingly all over despite the cold and falling snow. They couldn't see the man standing beside them, smiling knowingly.

"Merry Christmas, guys, and a Happy New Year," he said. "I will always love you, Bettie."

And with a snap of his fingers, he was gone.

The End

Laurie's Wonderful Life Act Two: I Wish I'd Never Been Born

2009-08-17T01:24:00.000-07:00

(Author's notes: Welcome back to Act Two of Laurie's Wonderful Life. Well, that didn't take long did it? Not even a week between parts by my count, even with the extensive rewriting I've been doing. Don't expect the final act to be up that quick though as I do know I need to do a heavey duty rewrite on parts of it, not to mention that it is longer than parts one and two combined I believe and a whole lot of photographs. I will have to say that unlike Laurie and Dag, I've had to do very little photo editing.

If you are new, you may want to give some thought to reading this three part trilogy at the beginning. The beginning is The Kid & Me. You can find all the links necessary to get to it in the right hand column over there. Don't try to read it all in one sitting, so plan on bookmarking it or add it to your google reader. Of course, you can start by reading Laurie's Wonderful Life but I'll tell you right now that when I finally do get Act Three up, you may enjoy it, but there are numerous incidents that connect to the previous stories and you'll certainly not be able to grasp that connection, nor will you even know who some of the characters are and how they relate to Laurie's life.

At any rate, whatever you decide to do, thanks for stopping by thanks for reading, and tell your friends about it if you enjoy it. And honestly, when I get to the end of my story, I promise I won't cut to black.)

As had become the norm, Laurie awakened late the next morning, groggy and with her head pounding after another sleepless night. Angela, Suzie and Bettie would have awakened hours earlier. Laurie managed to find her way into the bathroom, and to the sink where she surveyed her disheveled appearance in the mirror above it. She decided that she looked like total crap which was appropriate considering she felt exactly the same way.

She opened the medicine cabinet and stood there surveying the contents. Besides the usual toiletries, there was Acetaminophen, Children’s Tylenol liquid, Children’s Cough syrup, ibuprofen, Naproxen, Midol, and in the midst of all of that a prescription bottle of Zolpidem. The Zolpidem had been prescribed for Laurie by an associate to help her get through Joe’s Funeral, and to help her sleep through the nights that followed. Laurie had taken the Zolpidem for about a week, and had just as abruptly quit. The problem wasn’t that they didn’t work; it was that they worked too well. She would sleep, and when she slept she would dream but when Gayhart fired the bullet that had killed her father, Laurie did not wake up. She would not only relive the night in its entirety, but the days leading up to Joe’s funeral afterwards. She decided on the ibuprofen, tapped out four tablets into her hand then swallowed them aided by a glass of water; she quickly let her nightgown fall to the floor and climbed into the shower.

Angela had left the shower spray on full force, and the pelting water only served to amplify the pounding in Laurie’s head. She quickly adjusted the spray to gentle, closed her eyes and simply let the water cascade down her body. After about five minutes, the grogginess began to dissipate though the headache remained. She quickly finished showering and headed down the stairs, hoping she could get out of the house without too much of a hassle from either her mom or Angela.

Breakfast had been over long ago, and Bettie was already preparing lunch. By the time Laurie had reached the bottom of the stairs her headache had begun to subside. Suzie wasted no time in rushing to greet her and wrapping her tiny arms around Laurie’s waist. Laurie lifted Suzie into the air, giving her a long hug and kiss on the cheek before returning her to the floor. Laurie had finally decided to at least put on the appearance of being in a good mood for everyone.

“Mommy, mommy, guess what?” Suzie asked excitedly after Laurie had returned her to the floor.

“What Sweetie?” Laurie asked. “Should I guess? Is it bigger than a breadbox?”

“No mommy, it’s not like bread in a box. It’s about Santa Claus.”

“What about Santa, Suzie?” Suzie looked as if she might burst with the information she had obviously been waiting to impart to Laurie since the day before.

“We went and saw Santa Claus yesterday and I asked him for a really cool present but I can’t tell you because it’s a secret.”

Laurie frowned and she was quickly reminded of what Angela had told her the night before about Suzie wishing for her grandfather to return home. She could feel her attempt at being in a good mood begin to evaporate.

“That’s nice, sweetie. Just don’t expect any miracles. Sometimes Santa can’t do everything.”

“I know that, mommy,” she replied. “But I can hope can’t I? Santa said he will try!”

“Sure, baby. You can hope, but I just don’t want you to be disappointed.”

“I won’t mommy,” Suzie told her before racing out back to where her swing set await. But the excitement in Suzie’s voice told Laurie that Suzie was certain she would be seeing her grandfather on Christmas Day.

During the exchange with Suzie, Angela had entered the room, and Laurie shot her a look as if to say, “I told you so.” Angela ignored it, but gave Laurie a hug instead.

“I’m sorry if I was a bit harsh last night,” Angela whispered to her. “I know this is difficult for you.”

“It’s okay,” Laurie said returning the hug with a light kiss on the lips. They broke apart, and Laurie went into the kitchen where Bettie was already preparing lunch.

“Oh hi, honey!” her mom greeted her, but not looking up from what she was doing. “Did you sleep well?”

“Sure, I slept fine,” she lied. “I just need a cup of coffee to get me going. When are Dag and Glenn supposed to be here?”

“In just a few minutes. Dag tells me Ronnie will be home for Christmas also. He and Jeanine are flying in tomorrow. They just found out that Jeanine is pregnant, and Dag is having trouble coping with the idea of becoming a grandmother.”

Laurie managed a slight chuckle at the thought of that. It wasn’t often she found anything humorous. She remembered how Dag had taken it when Ronnie had announced his engagement to Jeanine.

“Oh my God,” She had exclaimed to Laurie. “I suddenly feel very old. He better not be planning on having any kids right away. I’m not ready to be a grandmother.” That had been two years ago.

“And here Dag is wanting to have another child herself,” Bettie continued. She and Glenn have been arguing about it. Dag wants to adopt and Glenn wants her to get pregnant again because her biological clock is ticking.”

“I can tell you right now who’s going to win that argument,” Laurie said. “As if there were any doubt.”

This time it was Bettie’s turn to chuckle. “Yep, looks like they’ll be adopting. Speaking of babies Gail’s baby is due in just two months.”

Angela entered the kitchen and sat down next to Laurie.

“She had an ultra sound and they say it’s going to be a girl. Gail couldn’t be happier about that,” Angela added. “She’s always wanted a girl.”

Laurie took a sip of her coffee. “Frankly, I don’t know why anybody would want to keep having babies,” Laurie interjected. “Why bring kids into this world just so that they have to live with nothing but heartache and heartbreak?”

“Laurie!” Bettie said sternly. “Surely you don’t mean that?”

“I most certainly do. Take Suzie for example. Here you and Angela are filling her head with these fantastic and insane notions of Santa Claus. Now how do you think she’s going to feel Christmas morning when she finds out her Grandfather isn’t going to be coming home from heaven? At the very least we owe it to our kids to be honest and straight forward with them.”

“That’s enough, Laurie,” Angela said sternly. “I’ve talked to her and explained that no matter how hard Santa may try, he probably won’t be able to do that. But I’m not going to let you destroy what little childhood she has left.”

“Laurie, you didn’t quit believing in Santa until you were seven or eight,” Bettie told her. “And it certainly didn’t destroy you to find out otherwise. I agree with, Angela.”

Laurie quickly stood up, threw her coffee mug into the dishwasher, and then turned to face Bettie and Angela.

“Fine, have it your way. The two of you can deal with Suzie's broken heart on Christmas Day, I want no part of it and I’d just as soon the holidays were over with. I don't see how everybody can just go on celebrating as if nothing has happened. Well something has happened, my father is dead, and you can decorate the halls as much as you want and it isn’t going to change one damn thing.”

She stormed out of the kitchen and headed for the front door with Angela and Bettie following right behind her.

“Where are you going, Laurie?” Angela yelled after her. “You don’t have to be at the hospital today.”

“I’m going to check on my patient I operated on yesterday and get some air. I’ll be back later.” Angela was about to tell Laurie that she could use the phone to check on her patient when Bettie grabbed her by the arm.

“It might be better to let her go somewhere and cool off,” Bettie whispered. “Anything we say is just going to make it worse and I don’t want any fighting today.”

Glenn and Dag were crossing the street with their teenage son Eddie and daughter Veronica.

"Laurie! Where do you think you're going?" Dag called to her. "We've got a lot of work to do and you aren't getting out of it that easy."

"I'll be back soon. I have to check on a patient," Laurie called back to her without turning around.

"You'd better be or we'll come looking for you," Dag hollered back.

Laurie still didn't bother to turn around but quickly climbed into her car, fastened the seat belt and started the engine.

When Dag had reached the sidewalk, they turned and watched as Laurie roared down the street.

"She should know better than to drive like that," Dag said disgustedly. "I take it she's not doing any better than the last time we were here?"

"If anything she's getting worse," Angela sighed.

"I always thought Laurie was stronger than any of us," Dag continued. "She has overcome so many obstacles in her life that I never thought she'd fall completely apart"

"I think there are times when each of us reaches a breaking point, and maybe Laurie has reached hers. Frankly Dag, mom and I have tried everything to snap her out of it," Angela frowned. She was worried. Very worried. She was beginning to think Laurie would never return to being the person she had been.

"What about Abby Madison? She helped Laurie out years ago," Dag asked. "If anybody could get through to Laurie she could."

Angela shook her head. "Abby and her family are in Europe and they won't be back for another six months or so. And she absolutely refuses to talk to anybody else."

They were interrupted by the sound of another car approaching and they watched as a red striped Van quickly parked. Laurie's life long friends Gail and Kurt Miller climbed out along with their son, Marcus.

"Was that Laurie we just saw zooming down the road," Gail asked as she crossed the street.

"Sure was," Dag called after her. "Now get over here I have something to ask you."

"How in the world do you do you manage to keep your weight under control? Here you are over six months pregnant, and you look like you're in your second month, if that?"

"Will power. I haven't had a cheeseburger since I got pregnant. I eat lots of salads, protein shakes, and take lots of vitamins. In the end it'll be worth it instead of having to work myself to the bone to take it all back off."

"I wish I had that kind of will power. When I was pregnant with Eddie and Veronica, I was as big as a house. I thought I'd never get my figure back and now Glenn wants to have another one. I want to adopt. What about you and Laurie?" Dag asked turning towards Angela. "I thought you two wanted to have three kids and Laurie was supposed to have the next one?"

Angela sighed. It seemed these days she was either sighing, explaining Laurie’s behavior or doing both at the same time. "I think it's been put on hold. Laurie's not too keen on the idea anymore," she said without going into details about what had happened in the kitchen minutes earlier.

"I know what you're going through, Angela," Gail offered. "Just hang in there. When Laurie decided to stay here after Dad’s funeral, I thought we would get to see more of each other. Now I see and talk to her less than when you were in L.A. I'm so frustrated. She's stood by me so often and helped me through some rough times. Now I don't know how to begin to get through to her."

"Are you ladies going to stand there and gossip all day or can we get to work," Glenn interrupted. "I want to eat lunch sometime today."

"Yeah," Eddie chimed in. "I'd like to finish before it gets dark. Heck of a way to spend a Saturday."

"Eddie, you have two weeks that you can horse around and do what you want now that school is on break for the Holidays!" Dag chastised him.

Bettie laughed. "As a matter of fact, you won't have to wait until you're finished to have lunch. We'll eat lunch first and then we'll all get to work. Maybe Laurie will be back by then."

"Don't count on it," Angela whispered to Dag.

"I knew you were my favorite mother-in-law for a reason," Glenn told Bettie while giving her a quick hug.

“Will Ronnie and his wife be joining all of us for Christmas?" Gail asked.

"He'd better," Dag replied. "Jeanine thinks she's going to snowball him into spending the entire holiday at her parents, but I guarantee you that isn't happening."

The group headed into the house, Angela stayed behind until she was the last one to enter the house. When she did she took one last hopeful look down the street to see if Laurie had a change of heart. She hadn’t. There was nothing Angela could do but join the others

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After quickly checking on her patients at the hospital and seeing that all of them were doing as well as could be expected, Laurie returned to her car. She still was not ready to return home, as the thought of decorating the house made her feel physically ill. Instead she drove aimlessly around town feeling that the longer she could put off her return home the better it would be for everyone. She always knew she could make up some excuse and besides a little white lie would hurt no one.

There was a downside to her aimless driving. Every house, every building, every street corner shouted Christmas at her. It only made Laurie wallow in her own misery that much more, and she could only think of how much her father would have enjoyed the holiday if he hadn't been taken away from his family.

Eventually she decided to stop at a fifties type diner for a bite to eat. She was sure everybody at home would have already finished lunch. Besides, she could probably kill another half hour to an hour delaying her return home even longer.

When she got out of the car Laurie almost changed her mind about going inside. The outside of the building was decked out in gaudy Christmas decorations, including two large decorated trees, and the usual Christmas wreaths on the entrance. She sighed and decided to go in after all because more than likely, there wasn't a restaurant in Devonshire that wasn't dripping with Christmas misery.

Inside her worse fears were realized. If the outside had suggested Christmas, the interior literally screamed it at her. The place was wall to wall Holiday Cheer. Worse yet, there was an electronic snowman sitting at the end of the counter happily singing Frosty the Snow Man to her. Her morning headache was beginning to return and when ever Laurie would steal a glance at the snow man, he seemed to be mocking her.

There was a young blonde headed man who had taken her order.

"Any chance you could shut the snowman up?" she asked him.

"Do you have something against singing snowmen?" he asked. "The other customers seem to like it just fine."

"No, I don't have anything at all against Snowmen," she said. "But we are in Devonshire, and a snow man does seem out of place. It's not like we'll ever see a real one."

"Actually," the man replied, "we have had snow here before. Three times in the past forty years as a matter of fact, so it is possible"

"But I guarantee you it was never in December, and it never stayed on the ground long enough to make a snowman," Laurie replied.

“Well then, what do you have against Christmas?” Blonde hair guy asked.

Laurie sighed. "I have nothing at all against Christmas. The truth is I have a headache, and the snowman isn't helping it at all. So if you don't mind, could you please flip the off switch?”

"Sure, Lady. Whatever you say," the young man replied, walked over switched off the snow man, who immediately turned into a lifeless and blessedly silent statue.

"That'll fix you," Laurie muttered.

When her food was served she barely picked at it. The talk of snow and snowmen had reminded Laurie once again of her father. Every Christmas Eve he would go outside, look up into the sky, stand for five minutes with his arms spread out, then return to the house.

"Well, it looks like we won't have a White Christmas this year," he would always say.

Everybody would laugh each year as if the joke were brand new. Yet, there were times when she thought her father had actually thought such a thing might happen. Of course it never did. She had only seen snow in Devonshire once when she was very young, but that had been in February and it had melted within a matter of minutes.

After about forty five minutes, somebody put some money in the jukebox, the Christmas dogs began barking out Jingle Bells, and Laurie knew it was time to leave. She walked over to the hostess to pay her bill.

"Was everything okay, miss?" the woman asked her.

"The food was fine," Laurie answered, "but don't you think you went overboard on the Christmas decorations."

"Do you have something against Christmas?" the woman asked as she handed Laurie back her change.

Laurie didn't reply, but took her change and turned to leave the restaurant, just as the Snowman began once again to blare, "Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul."

As she pulled away from the diner Laurie looked down at the gold and diamond watch Joe had given to her when she had completed her internship. Everybody at home would still be putting up decorations. Laurie hoped she could delay her return at least until the project was just about finished. This time, instead of driving around aimlessly, she headed towards Westwood Cemetery, where she had often visited when she wanted to find some peace and solitude away from the hassles of daily life. But that had been long ago, and things had been different then.

She walked over to where the tombstone of her father was embedded next to that of her sister, Emily. There were two poinsettia plants that hadn't been there on her last visit. Obviously Angela had brought her mom out to place the flowers. Nearby also was the tombstone of Arcadia, her grandmother who had died several years earlier. There was a poinsettia there also.

“I wish you were here with me, Dad,” she said softly. Laurie often spoke aloud as if he were right there with her. “You should be here and I should be the one lying in the ground. Mom and everybody miss you, and I miss you. If I had just let you stay at the house that night like you wanted, then you would be here with mom, Dag, and the other kids.”

Tears began to fall from her face. She had cried often since Joe’s death, but always alone, and always away from everybody else.

Laurie walked over to sit on a nearby bench with tears still staining her face.

She hadn’t heard the footsteps come up behind her.

“Are you okay?” the voice asked gently. She instantly recognized the voice as Kurt’s and quickly wiped the tears away so that he wouldn’t see them.

“I’m fine, Kurt. I didn’t expect to see you here,” she said. He sat down next to her, not waiting to be invited.

“Gail and I came over to the house to help get it ready for Christmas. We were hoping you would be there. When you didn’t return, I made an excuse to get out and came here. I just had a feeling this is where I’d find you.”

“I guess after all these years you know me as well as anybody, Kurt.”

Kurt looked over at Joe’s grave. “You know Laurie, your Dad wouldn’t want you to be here doing this.”

“How do you know what my father would have wanted? How does anybody know? I know he shouldn’t be lying in the ground.”

“I understand how difficult this has been for you, Laurie. It’s affected all of us, especially your mom. But she knows Joe would have wanted all of you to go on with your lives. Come on, Laurie. Let’s go home, and at least try to get in the Christmas spirit. If not for yourself then do it for your mom, Suzie, Angela, Dag and the rest of the family.”

Laurie stood up and as she did the tears began flowing once again.

"There’s some things you, mom, Angela and Dag just don’t understand, Kurt. I know I'm messing things up for everybody. But you weren't there. Mom wasn't there. They don't understand. How could anybody understand?"

Kurt put his arm around Laurie, doing his best to comfort her.

"They do understand, Laurie. But they know that Joe would have wanted them to go on living, just as he would want you to do so. I know it's going to take some time to heal, and nobody expects you to have to be Wonder Woman all of the time. You've always been like a rock your entire life. It's okay not to be. You can talk to me, or even your mom and Angela. Don't try to hold it inside."

She turned to hug Kurt.

"I know, Kurt. It's just that there's something that you or nobody else knows. Something I've been keeping from everyone. I don't think they would feel the same way if they knew the truth."

"What is it Laurie? There's nothing on this earth that could change the way we feel about you."

"That night....the night that dad was killed...." she began. She was on the verge of telling him, of finally letting it all out, when her cell phone rang.

"Don't answer that," Kurt said. He knew that if she answered it, she would not finish what she had been about to tell him.

"I have to Kurt, it’s the hospital ring tone," Laurie said taking her cell phone out of a pocket and answering it.

“Hello, this is Laurie,” she said to the person calling. It was Jeremy Rolf, an associate and another surgeon at Devonshire Memorial Hospital.

“Laurie, I hate to bother you but we have an emergency here at the hospital,” he told her over the phone. “It’s a young boy. He fell and hit his head about four days ago and now has an acute subdural hematoba"

“Can’t you handle it, Jeremy? I promised my family and friends I would spend the evening with them.”

“Laurie, you know you're the only one in Devonshire qualified to do this. If I have to send him to L.A. he won’t survive the trip. I could try doing it myself, but my skills are no where near what I know you are capable of. Please, Laurie. You know I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t absolutely necessary. You’re the best there is, and I promised this boy’s parents I’d do everything I could to save him.”

Laurie sighed. “Okay Jeremy, flattery will get you everywhere. I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes. Have everything I need ready, all his x-rays, catscan, brain scan, and whatever else. I don’t want to go into this blind."

“Everything’s ready for you Laurie, I knew you’d come through.”

She clicked off her cell phone.

“I have to go, Kurt. It’s an emergency. I’ll be back at the house as soon as I can. Please explain it to everybody so they’ll know I just wasn’t trying to stay away.”

“Okay, they’ll understand Laurie.” Laurie turned to go to her car then suddenly turned back to Kurt.

“You’ve always been so understanding,” she told him. “Thanks for being my friend.” And without saying another word she practically ran toward her car. After Kurt watched her drive away, he paused for a moment at Joe’s grave.

“Well Joe, I don’t know where you are at this moment but I would have to think it’s someplace special,” he said quietly. “And if you are where I think you are your daughter is hurting in the worst way. She needs help, and there’s nobody here that can give it to her. So you know, this is a long shot, but if you and any of your friends up there can give her a helping hand it would be greatly appreciated.”

Kurt stood quietly for a moment, then walked slowly back to his own car. And for no reason in particular, he suddenly remembered the pool game from the previous Christmas when Laurie had taken Joe for fifty dollars. “I got fifty bucks that says you missed that shot on purpose, Joe,” Kurt said to himself, chuckled, and then started his engine.

At the hospital, the surgery had indeed been difficult. As Laurie walked out of the operating room and removed her mask, she breathed a sigh of relief. The young boy’s name was Mason Washington, and at one point she had thought she would lose him. Time would tell if there would be any extensive brain damage, or how much rehabilitation if any young Mr. Washington would need, but he would live and he would be okay.

A few seconds later, Jeremy Rolf exited the operating room also.

“That was nothing short of miraculous what you did in there, Laurie. I can’t help but marvel at your skills. How you found that hematoba let alone be able to remove it is something I know I could never have done.”

“Thanks,” she said. “But it was nothing special.”

Jeremy couldn’t help but laugh. “Nothing special? Don’t be so damn modest. There isn’t a surgeon in this hospital that could have worked that miracle. I know you only signed a one year contract with the hospital, but I hope you’re at least considering making your stay permanent.”

Laurie simply nodded. "Tell me, Laurie. Why did you decide to come here from L.A? It's quite an unusual move, especially considering how well you were doing there. You can’t be making anywhere near the money you were getting there"

"Personal reasons," was all Laurie answered.

"Well, like I said, I hope you stick around. We don't have very many high quality surgeons here in Devonshire, and we're very lucky to have you, even if it is for only a while.”

“Do you want to talk to the boy’s parents? I know they’ll want to thank you,” Jeremy asked her.

There once was a time when Laurie achieved a great thrill whenever she had saved someone’s life. Now it seemed so unfair to her. She could save other people’s lives, but hadn’t been able to do a thing to help her own father.

“No, that’s okay. You can do it. I have to hurry home. They’ll be waiting on me.” She glanced at her watch. It said ten p.m. She had been in surgery for hours. The chances are Dag, Glenn, Kurt and Gail would have gone home, unless of course Dag and Glenn had decided to spend the night.

“Okay, sure,” Jeremy said as he walked away. “But I won’t take any of the credit.”

Laurie walked over to her locker and silently began changing out of her scrubs. For the first time during the day she began to hurry. Angela would not be happy that she was coming home late once again, especially on a day when she wasn't even supposed to be at the hospital.

After she had dressed, Laurie walked out past the waiting room where Mason's parents were. She could see Jeremy talking to them. The woman she assumed to be Mason's mother seemed extremely worried, but Laurie knew that would vanish as soon as Jeremy finished telling them how the operation had gone. When she saw Mrs. Washington grab Dr. Rolf and hug him, she knew he had finished telling her the good news.

"Thank, you doctor, Thank you," she heard her say, tears of joy streaming down her face.

There once was a time when moments such as these had been the best part of being a surgeon. But now all it did was remind Laurie that despite all of her skills they were sometimes no more useful than using a can opener to open a jar of peanut butter.

When Jeremy quickly began telling them that it wasn't him, but Dr. Baker who had saved their sons life, she walked quickly out of the waiting room before she could be seen.

Laurie quickly walked outside to the parking lot and quickly found out that the night had become quite chilly, especially by Devonshire standards. She shivered as she practically ran to get into her car.

Laurie's car was still over a block away when she
saw the twinkling of the Christmas lights on their front lawn. She gave a quick thought to making a U-Turn and heading in the other direction, but she knew there was no place to go. Like it or not she would have to face the music. As she approached the driveway, Laurie shook her head in disgust. Normally, she could have parked her car blindfolded if it was absolutely necessary but now both sides of the driveway were lined with lighted artificial Christmas Candles. She braked the car and carefully made the turn into the car port.

She parked her car behind that of Glenn and Dag's. Obviously they had decided to spend the night. It was not what she would have preferred. With so many sleepless nights, and a difficult evening at work, she wanted nothing more than to climb into her bed, regardless of the nightmare she would once again have to confront.

The first thought that entered her mind as she walked around to the front of the house was that it looked like somebody had puked Christmas on the entire home. She had hoped they wouldn't have gone to such extreme decorating measure and would have toned it down somewhat, instead they had gone overboard, and even putting up more decorations than her father would have. And that was not an easy thing to do. She opened the front door than paused for a moment to look around.

As she looked at the reindeer sitting in the front lawn she couldn't help but think that they were on the wrong side of the house. Dad had always put them on the other side of the doorway, so that he could see them as he drove up to the house. Yet, another reminder that Laurie didn't need.

As she walked into the already opened door, the nutcracker standing guard seemed to be mocking her just as the snowman had mocked her at the restaurant. There was nobody in the living room. She could hear voices and the TV blasting away in the recreation room. The living room was decorated to the extreme, just as the outside of the house was. She walked quickly through the living room, trying unsuccessfully to ignore the decorations. Her head was throbbing again, worse than it had all day.

Laurie had no sooner entered the recreation room then she froze. She immediately recognized the film they were watching on TV. It was "It's A Wonderful Life," a film she had seen many times over the years. Worse than that though, was the fact that Joe's beloved movie poster collection was no longer hanging on the walls, replaced randomly by one Christmas decoration after another. She began to feel sick to her stomach. "How could they be so disrespectful?" she thought. And then she saw the snowman sitting on the table. It was the same snowman who had mocked her at the restaurant and now it was sitting in their recreation room with a look of someone who had the upper hand and was ready to declare victory over her.

It was Suzie who finally saw her standing in the doorway.

“Susie!” she said sharply. “What are you still doing up? It’s way past your bedtime.” It wasn’t until Laurie spoke that Bettie and Angela noticed her presence.

“Mommy !” Suzie yelled, jumping up from the sofa and running to hug her. “Grandma and Mama said I could finish watching this movie. It’s really really good. There was this angel, and he was funny, and mommy, did you know that every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings?”

Laurie decided it was time to set Suzie straight, Clarence or no Clarence, Santa or no Santa. She didn’t need to grow up believing in a bunch of gobbledygook. “That’s just a movie, Suzie. Those things don’t happen in real life. It’s only make believe. There aren’t really any angels like Clarence running around”

Suzie looked crushed, but only for a moment. She was ready to argue the point.

“Uh, huh. There are so angels! Grandma says so and Mama Angela says so! And Grandma says that Grandpa is an angel too!” She looked at Laurie defiantly, as if she was ready to declare victory along with the snowman.

“There are no Angels, Suzie.” Laurie said it loudly and sternly to make sure her point was getting across. “You’re getting too old to believe in such nonsense. And this business of Santa Claus bringing your grandfather back is just ridiculous. Grandpa Joe is dead, and he won't be coming back. Not on Christmas, not on New Years and not on Easter even if you ask the Easter Bunny.”

This time Suzie, didn’t argue. Tears started flowing from her eyes. In her young years, she had never been as hurt as she was at that moment. It wasn’t just what Laurie had said, it was the harshness in her voice that had stung her.

“It’s not ricolous!” she hollered at Laurie. “Santa said he would try. And Grandpa is an angel up in heaven. I hate you! I hate you!” She cried running out of the room.

If looks could kill than at that moment Laurie would have been dead. The look on Angela’s face was one she had never seen before, one of anger and pure disgust. “Laurie!” she yelled at her. “That was the meanest thing you could possibly have done! How dare you! I don’t care what you’re going through, there’s no reason on earth for you to hurt Suzie like that!”

“Okay, you’ve made your point,” Laurie yelled back at her. “I’m a heel and I’m a louse. But it’s better that she starts finding out about the real world now, and suffering a little hurt than finding out later how rotten the world really is and suffering even more pain!"

"So instead of Dr. Baker, Neurosurgeon, you're now Frasier Crane, psychiatrist?" Angela told her heatedly.

"I don't need your sarcasm right now, Angela. And while I'm at it, what right do any of you have to take down dad's movie posters and replace them with all of this holiday foolishness when you know how much he cherished that collection?”

"Is that's what's bothering you, Laurie? The damn posters? You know as well as I do that Dad took them down every Christmas and then put them back up after the Holidays. Why should this be any different?"

"Because it is different. Because he's not here any more and both of you should have more respect than that for his memory."

“The only person disrespecting Dad and his memory is you, and the sooner you realize that the better. I have nothing more to say to you, Laurie! I’m going to take care of my daughter!”

“Our daughter,” she reminded Angela pointedly.

“If she’s your daughter than start acting like a parent which is something you haven't been doing for some time now,” Angela screamed at her as she left the room.

Bettie stood across the room from Laurie staring at her.

“I suppose that you want to add your two cents worth, mother” Laurie said pointedly.

“Do I really need to? You know in your heart that what you just did was wrong. I’ve been making excuses for you and your behavior, but I can’t excuse this. Not for any reason. Joe is dead. My husband is dead. And all the wallowing in self pity that you’re doing will not bring him back. And most of all, if your father was here right now, he’d be as ashamed of you as I am.”

And without saying another word, Bettie stormed past her and headed towards her bedroom, hoping she would make it there before her tears began falling. But it was no use. She had not taken but two steps when they came. As she ran into the bedroom, she didn't see Laurie standing behind her, watching her.

Laurie stood there stunned for a moment. Her mother was right. She was making everybody’s life miserable, and there was no excuse for what she had just done. She could hear Angela still trying to comfort the sobbing Suzie upstairs. Laurie walked over to the bar, quickly mixed herself a scotch and water then downed it. Just as quickly she poured another, downing it as well then slammed the bottle down on the counter. And it was at that point that the snow man began singing.

“Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul, With a corn cop pipe and a button nose, And two eyes made out of coal” And Laurie could take no more. She walked over, picked the snowman up off of the table and threw it against the wall where it shattered into three pieces.

“Happy soul, happy soul, happy soul, happy soul,” it began repeating over and over. Laurie went over, picked up the pieces, took them to the kitchen, threw them into the trash compactor, closed it and flipped the switch. “Happy Soul, Happy Soul, Happy……” and then she heard no more.

Laurie should have felt triumphant but she didn’t. She walked dejectedly up to their room and sat forlornly at the desk. A few seconds later, Angela came into the room.

“I’m sorry,” Laurie said almost whispering it.

“Are you, Laurie?” Angela replied. She was still quite angry. “I’m not so sure. I’ll spend the night in Suzie’s room. We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Maybe you should spend the night thinking about getting some help. We can’t go on like this. I don’t want to go on like this and I won’t subject Suzie to it any longer. Either you come to terms with what happened to dad, or I’m taking Suzie back to L.A. after the holidays. I mean it.” And with that she left the room, leaving Laurie in the darkness.

She wasn’t sure why she had said the things she had to Suzie. Maybe she just wanted to hurt someone, anyone. She didn’t know anything for certain anymore except the one thought that had haunted her for so many months. Her father was dead, and he was dead because she had forced him into going to the Back Alley Lounge that night, and he had died saving her life.

She wanted to be alone. Away from everybody. Her head was throbbing so she went into the bathroom to the medicine cabinet. This time she decided on the acetaminophen, and took four before placing the bottle back on the shelf. Then she reached up for the Zolpidem that had for the most part remained unused. One thing Laurie knew for certain, and it was that just like any drug you were not suppose to mix Zolpidem with any alcoholic beverage and she had already had two strong scotch and sodas. But Laurie no longer cared. All she wanted to do was sleep and she wanted to fall into a deep enough sleep that she wouldn’t dream. The normal dosage for the strength of Zolpidem that she took was one tablet. One had been useless before, this time she took two, returned the lid to the container and placed it in her skirt pocket.

She walked out back to the upstairs patio and was grateful the lights weren't on. She sat on the bench for a moment staring out into the yard. It was the yard she had played in as a child, the yard her dad had taken such pride in. The old swing set their father had bought for Dag's first Christmas was still there. It had been painted several times so it was almost like new. Joe's sentimentality had kept him from ever replacing it.

She looked at the fountain in the yard, where there had once been a pond. Laurie and Joe had spent many hours sitting at the pond and then the fountain that replaced it.

When she was troubled, she could often just pour her heart out to Joe. It wasn't that he always had a solution, but just having him there to listen helped her work things out.

It was then that the tears began to fall unabated.

“God, help me,” she cried lying across the bench. “Please help me!” she cried burying her face once again in her hands.

“God, help me,” she cried over and over. “Please help me!” She laid down on the bench trying to stifle her sobs in her hands.

“I wish I was dead,” she said to herself. “I should be dead, and my father should be alive. I’m the one who deserved to die."

She sat up and reached into her skirt pocket for the rest of the Zolpidem. She sat looking at it for several seconds. Laurie was miserable, and she was making all of those around her as miserable as well, even her own daughter. She removed the cap from the container, tilted the bottle and was about to pour the contents into her hand when she felt a sudden sharp, painful, stinging sensation in her hand, as if it had just been slapped. The bottle fell to the ground spilling a good portion of its contents.

Laurie grabbed her hand, but just as suddenly as she had felt the sensation, it had disappeared. She reached over to pick up the Zolpidem bottle but as she did a strong guest of wind blew across the patio, scattering the pills across the cement and blowing the container over the edge of the patio. The night was bitterly colder than usual, and Laurie began to shiver though she wasn’t sure that it had anything to do with the weather.

“That will be quite enough of that, young lady,” a woman’s voice said to her sternly. It startled her so much she jumped off of the bench. She turned around expecting to see either Angela or her mother, but neither was anywhere around.

“This is ridiculous,” Laurie said aloud. “Now I’m hearing voices. On top of everything else, I’m either going crazy or I’m dreaming.”

This time there was laughter, and it was the same voice Laurie had heard a second ago. “You’re not going crazy, Laurie.”

Suddenly, the lights around the patio came on, illuminating the entire back yard.

Obviously there had to be somebody in the yard or somewhere nearby. Laurie crept over to the railing and looked over but there was no one there. Obviously whoever had spoken to her was hiding.

"Okay, Angela," Laurie said again. "If this is your idea of a joke, it isn't funny. Yes, I deserve it but the game is over. So wherever you're hiding you can come out now."

There was laughter again. "Okay," Laurie said aloud. "I'm dreaming. I'm still over there on the bench and I fell asleep, freezing my ass off. I'll wake myself up and everything will be back to normal."

Laurie pinched herself on the arm till she felt a coarse sharp pain. But she still stood alone on the patio. Then the same voice she had heard before began to laugh again.

"I told you, Laurie. You're not dreaming. I wouldn't lie. Angela is in bed where she should be, and as cold as it is out here if you had any sense at all you would be also."

This time the voice seemed to be coming directly from behind her.

“Wh…who…who are you?” she said. Now she was scared. Voices were coming out of the walls. “Or should I say where are you?

"I'm right here, daughter. Turn around," the voice said. Laurie gulped and slowly turned to face the mysterious voice. Her heart was beating five million beats per second."

There standing before her was the likeness of her long deceased mother. Although of course, Laurie had never seen her while she was alive, her father had given her a portrait of her and there had also been many photographs from which she had memorized every feature of Susan's face.

"Now I know I'm dreaming," Laurie said. "But it's the best dream I've ever had in my whole life."

Susan laughed again. "I told you Laurie, you're not dreaming. There is a certain feel to dreams. Does this really feel like a dream? Reach out and touch me. I'm as real as you are."

Laurie was hesitant, and Susan seemed to sense it.

"Don't be afraid, Laurie. I'm here to help you."

There was something in Susan's voice that was calm and soothing to Laurie. It was as if she was suddenly at peace.

Cautiously she reached her hand out to touch Susan. Laurie half expected her hand to go through her, as one would have expected it to do with a ghostly apparition. At least that's the way it was done in the movies.

"You watch way too many movies, Laurie." Susan told her as if she had just read Laurie's thoughts which she probably had.

Laurie's hand came softly to rest on Susan. It felt as real as if she were touching Angela, Suzie or Bettie.

Without hesitation she wrapped her arms around Susan and hugged her as tightly as she had ever hugged anyone.

"I don't care if I am dreaming," she told Susan, "It's real enough right now. Oh mother!" Laurie began to cry.

"Don’t' cry Laurie. It's Christmas, you should be happy," Susan said doing her best to momentarily comfort her. She waited for Laurie's tears to subside before confronting her.

"Now, what exactly did you think you were going to do with those pills? I won’t have you even thinking about that nonsense, let alone actually doing it. I let you get by with thinking that stuff once before but not any more. Believe me as far as I’m concerned, you’re not too old for me to bend you over my knee and paddle your rump.”

“What do you mean you let me get by with it once before?” Laurie asked.

“That night during the storm in the cemetery years ago, you wished yourself dead just because you had a little problem. Now, I’ll not have you thinking those thoughts.”

"You were there?" Laurie asked

"I get around. Who do you think prodded that gardener who rescued you to get to the cemetery three hours earlier than normal. I was also here that time Bettie was in a coma and didn't want to come out of it....but I'm not supposed to talk about that."

“Yeah, well maybe you ought to ask Angela and your granddaughter if they wouldn’t be better off without me.”

A look of anger came over Susan’s face. She pointed her finger at Laurie and in that split second there was a loud clap of thunder, and a bolt of lightning from beyond the horizon, causing Laurie to jump.

“Now, say it again daughter, and I’ll show you what I can really do! Life is a gift, and very precious. You should cherish every minute of it and not want to throw it away as if it meant nothing.”

Dream or no dream, Laurie decided it was best not to test her Susan’s patience. “Okay, okay! You win! You’re right. Perhaps it would be better if I had never been born at all!”

Susan let out a huge sigh. “I can see that I have my work cut out for me. Now why would you wish something like that, Laurie?”

“Well for one thing, you’d be alive right now instead of being a part of this very weird dream and so would dad. I wouldn’t be here making Angela, Suzie and Mom miserable. Everybody would be a lot happier and better off if I’d just never been born.”

“Oh, I see,” Susan said. “So you think that would make everything perfect? Well, we’ll just have to see about that. What do you think, Michael?” Susan said looking skyward. “Do you think that will do the trick? Yes, so do I, but I may need a little help with this one.”

Okay, Laurie. Have it your way. I’ll give you your wish. You’ve never been born!” And the words were no sooner out of Susan’s mouth than she waved her arms and there was a bright blinding flash of light and a long continuous roar of thunder.

TO BE CONTINUED

Click here to continue reading Act Three of Laurie's Wonderful Life.

Laurie's Wonderful Life Act One: The Nightmare

2009-08-17T00:39:00.000-07:00

(Author's Notes: Let me thank each and every one of you who have joined the Bakers and I on our journey through life. I appreciate all of those who have taken time out to read The Baker Family Trilogy. As far as I know (and things could always change so never say never) this will be the last story starring these characters. If by chance you are new to reading this blog or these stories, and you would like to start at the very beginning, you can use the links in the right hand margin to navigate to the other chapters in the other stories.

The saga actually began with the story The Kid & Me and that would be the best place for you to start. However, if you want to start here you should be able to follow along although in Act III, there will be many references to events in the past and you will more than likely not be able to grasp the connection between the events of present day and the events of past years. The decision however, remains yours.

If you've guessed from the title that this story is based on Frank Capra's It's A Wonderful Life you would be exactly right. If you guessed that it's a Christmas type story you would be right in so far as that it takes place at that time of year, but could just as well take place any time of year and any place. You will also find that the story in some ways borrows a bit from Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol. However, other than the basic premise of those stories, you will find that Laurie's Wonderful Life is quite different in many ways.

For one thing, you would probably have no problem sitting down with your family to watch "It's A Wonderful Life". If Laurie's Wonderful Life were a film, you wouldn't want to sit down and watch it with the kiddies. It is a much darker story than you would normally find in a holiday story. There is very graphically depicted violence and many expletives. This is not recommended for anyone younger than 13 years of age.

However, if you stay with it, I hope you will find it a fitting and rewarding wrap up to the Baker Family Trilogy. Thank you once again and you can leave your comments or write to me with them at clydesplace@hotmail.com.)

Prologue

Susan Dale walked hurriedly down the cavernous entrance leading to Michael’s office. She had been keeping an eye on the events happening on earth in the past months whenever she could. Susan had fully expected she would be called into help sooner rather than later. It wouldn’t be the first time that Michael had felt it necessary to send her home for a visit as she had been there several times before when events had warranted it.

She had been ready to begin work on another assignment when Michael had hurriedly sent for her. There were only two reasons why anyone would be pulled off of an assignment that had already been given to them. The first reason would be if they were unable to resolve the situation they were working on. This generally happened with inexperienced trainees and was considered to be quite an embarrassment because it meant the novice would have to start their training all over again.

This had never happened to Susan. She had breezed through her soul collecting phase with flying colors when she had arrived, and in fact had received all of her promotions ahead of schedule. The other reason someone would be called off of an assignment was if a family member they had left behind on earth was in serious trouble and needed a little push in the right direction to set things straight.

Michael’s secretary and his right hand man Jacob was sitting at his desk keeping tabs on how all the assignments in their division were going. Poor Jacob had been tied to his desk even before Susan had arrived many years ago. The thought of having to work at a desk sent a shudder shooting down Susan’s spine. The story that was passed down over the years was that Jacob had messed up an assignment big time and had been assigned to desk duty because of it. Jacob’s heart had been in the right place. He was on general assignment on earth collecting souls when he had happened upon a motorcycle accident that was about to take place in a tunnel and it looked as if there could only be one outcome. Unfortunately, the motorcycle was carrying a professional football player by the name of Joe Pendleton, and Jacob, who couldn’t stand to see anyone hurt had removed Pendleton’s soul to spare him the pain he would have to endure in the wreckage. The only problem was that Pendleton wasn’t scheduled to arrive at the depot for another thirty years. So Jacob had been immediately assigned to desk duty.

Jacob didn’t seem to be terribly unhappy in his new job though. Word also was that he had been a bookkeeper back on earth and actually preferred doing what he was doing now then going around collecting souls. He just wasn't much of a people person, but he had a good heart and meant well.

"Can I help you Miss Dale," Jacob asked. Jacob’s tone was always businesslike but his manner was kind and courteous.

"Yes, Michael signaled that he needed to see me. Could you tell him I'm here?"

Jacob quickly looked at his monitor pulled up Susan's name in an instant.

"Hmmm.....I've seen you've been pulled off of your other assignment.” Jacob sounded a bit irritated.

“I'll have to find a replacement to finish that assignment. I wish Michael would tell me ahead of time when he's going to do these things. Have a seat Miss Dale and I'll tell him you're here."

Jacob was always inquisitive about some of the cases the other agents were on. It wasn’t that Jacob didn’t want to be doing assignments himself. That wasn’t the problem. But before you could become the next Tess, Monica, or Jonathan Smith, you had to start at the bottom of the ladder and that would mean becoming a soul collector again. Jacob had never been able to get used to waiting until the last minute to separate the spirit from the body. A lot of it just looked so painful and even in his mortal life Jacob had been quite squeamish. So, rather than going through that again and taking the chance of screwing up so bad that the Big Boss wouldn’t be so forgiving, Jacob chose to stay at his desk.

It was not entirely a rare thing for Michael to summon an agent off of a case to work on another assignment but it did play havoc with the scheduling. There were so many who needed and were asking for help making it difficult to fit everybody in. Jacob sighed and walked hurriedly into Michael’s office.

Jacob never could figure out exactly how Michael had achieved such a high ranking, especially one that required him to be in charge of so many agents. To Jacob, he had always seemed a bit absent minded and a whole lot on the flaky side. Now he was standing in front of mirror, wearing a Santa Claus cap of all things, looking sillier than ever.

"Ahem.....Michael, Susan Dale is here to see you," He said. Michael turned quickly around to face him. He didn’t seem to be even slightly embarrassed to have been caught with the Santa Cap atop of his head.

"What do you think, Jake old boy?" Michael asked.

"About what?" Jacob asked.

"My hat, silly! Do you like it?"

"Can I be honest with you?" Jacob asked.

"I would expect nothing less from you Jacob. And besides,” Michael grinned, “You know as well as I do that I can always tell when you are lying.”

Jacob sighed again and hung his head. Michael was right. He probably even knew what Jacob was going to say before he said it. "I don't think it's very becoming for someone in your position. I don't think anyone's going to take you very seriously if they see you wearing that….that…..silly red hat."

Michael simply grinned, while at the same time giving Jacob a huge slap on the back momentarily causing Jake’s head to bounce as if he were the latest bobblehead doll. "Jake, my boy, you are just too uptight. It's Christmas, the best time of the year! Loosen up, have a little fun! Get with the program! Do you want to spend all eternity sitting in there at that desk? And let me tell you Jake, Eternity is a very very long time!”

“How long would that be, sir? And exactly what program are you talking about?” Jacob asked as if he really expected some kind of an answer.

All Michael could do was shake his head. This time it was his turn to sigh. “How should I know how long eternity is, Jake? Only The Big Boss knows that. If I knew that then I would be the Big Boss. And the program I’m talking about is Christmas, Jake. Now, loosen up. And you can start by not calling me sir. Call me Michael. Call me Mike if you like that better. Heck, call me Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer but don’t call me sir.” Michael emphasized the “don’t call me sir” part, hoping Jacob would heed his request.

"Yes, Rudolph…I mean Michael,” Jacob said quickly and then just as quickly added, “Anyway, about Susan Dale?"

"Who?" Michael asked.

"Susan Dale, you summoned her."

"Oh, oh yes I did. That Susan, she’s a real go-getter, Jake. You could learn a lot from her. Maybe I’ll send you on an assignment with her some day, as an observer. Just to get you out from behind that desk.”

“I like my desk, Si…I mean Michael,”

Michael sighed again. He knew if he was ever going to change Jacob’s ways it would be a long tedious process. “Well, bring Susan in. We're burning daylight, pardner."

Jacob was about to ask how they could be burning daylight since it was always daylight where they were then thought better of it. The last thing he wanted right now was to get into another long and whimsical conversation with Michael. Instead he left quickly and went to usher Susan in.

By the time Susan had entered Michael's office, the mirror he had been primping in front of was gone and the Santa hat had vanished.

”Hello, Susan. It’s good to see you again,” He said softly while at the same time taking her by the hand she had extended to him. “The Big Boss is extremely pleased with the work you have been doing, thinks you are doing an exceptional job and frankly so do I.”

Susan’s face beamed from the compliment. Pleasing the Big Boss always made her happy. “Well, you know I want to do the best job that I can, Michael.

“Then you are happy in your work?” Michael asked her.

“I couldn’t be happier,” Susan replied. “But…..” Susan hesitated.

“But? Is something wrong?” Michael’s face turned serious.

“No. But I was surprised when he arrived so soon and under such dreadful circumstances. I thought it would be another ten or twenty years.”

“He?” Michael asked, but then he remembered. Sometimes it took a second or two for him to grasp these things since there were always so many new ones arriving. Of course there would only be one “he” that Susan could possibly be talking about.

"Oh, yes, of course. By the way, how is he doing?"

"He’s doing very well for a novice. He's a fast learner. I think he’ll be ready for his promotion soon." Susan paused for a moment. "Perhaps he can help me with this?" she asked hopefully. “He’s very distressed by the events that are taking place, just as I am.”

Michael shook his head negatively. "No, not just yet. I think we should take a quick look at how things are going though so you'll know exactly what to expect when you get there.” Michael knew Susan had been keeping up on the events when she could, but sometimes it was difficult for her to find the time in between her assignments, especially when it was necessary to ask for help all the time so that she could witness things.

“Come with me," he told her pointing to a sofa that appeared out of nowhere. He sat on it as did Susan. She waited for a second for Michael to wave his hand to make the picture appear but he didn’t. She looked at him puzzled, and he smiled at her.

”Well, are you going to start the viewer or are we just going to sit here?” he asked her laughing.

Susan’s face broke into an enormous grin. “Do you mean I can do it now? I don’t have to ask for help anymore?”

“That’s right, the Big Boss said it was a promotion well earned. So show me what you can do.”

Susan hesitantly waved her hand and as she did a picture of the exterior of the Baker home appeared instantly in front of them. “That is so cool!” Susan said as she turned to face the screen.

Michael simply looked at her and grin. Susan always took such joy in all the small little things she could do.

The house was one she had visited often, both in her earthly life and in her spiritual life. Michael and Susan watched intently as the picture dissolved slowly into the bedroom of Susan’s daughter, Laurie Pendleton Baker.

~~~~~~Act One~~~~~
The Nightmare

There was the horrific blast shattering her eardrums, a flash of white blinding light, and once again as had happened so many nights before, Laurie Baker bolted upright in her bed. Instantly she was wide awake, breathing heavily, and a cold sweat drenched her body and soaked her nightgown. It took several moments before her breathing would return to normal, and for her to grasp the reality that it had only been the dream again. She was safely in her room and in her bed, or at least the bed she had slept in for so many years as a child and a teen.

The pictures of Xena, and Madame Curie that once hung above her bed were no longer there and there were no the pictures of the Williams Sisters and Mia Hamm above the desk. They had been a constant fixture in Laurie’s teen years, but those days had been so long ago. The portrait of her birth mother which had also hung above her bed and comforted her during so many difficult periods of her life was gone as well. That portrait along with many other items that belonged to Laurie and Angela were in their home in L.A., collecting dust as the days in her life slowly cascaded by, without the meaning and purpose they had once held for her.

Sometimes when she awakened from the nightmare, she would do so almost violently, awakening her life partner, Angela. But on this night, Angela continued to sleep undisturbed.

“At least that was one small thing to be grateful for,” Laurie thought to herself. She looked over at the alarm clock and the bright blue glow of the LCD screamed three a.m. She felt exhausted, but Laurie also knew that if she tried to sleep again, the nightmare would also return, and she wasn’t quite ready to revisit it so soon.

She slid gingerly out from under the blanket that covered both her and Angela, and just as softly climbed out of the bed. Laurie didn’t bother with her robe. There was no need to as the house was plenty warm, probably a bit too warm. Instead, she crept silently across the thick carpet, and carefully opened the door to the hallway. The aging door squeaked loudly and Laurie looked back quickly at Angela, who remained undisturbed. She carefully closed the door behind her, walked over to the room in which her five year old daughter Suzie lay sleeping, and just as quietly entered it.

She stood next to the bed watching Suzie and trying to remember a time when she too had been able to sleep so peacefully without a care in the world

“How long had it been?” Laurie thought to herself. But she knew the answer without asking the question. It had been six months since the events occurred that had changed their lives so drastically and which had started the never ending nightmare from which Laurie knew she could never escape.

The room in which Suzie slept had been her sister Dag's room, and in fact still had many of Dag's photographs from college hanging on the wall. Over the years, Dag would often spend a few days with their parents, and she liked having familiar things in the room with her, so the pictures remained unchanged. Besides that, Dag and Glenn’s own home were filled with pictures of their family, so there would have been no room for anymore. Laurie quietly wished she had done the same, but the posters had long ago been dispensed with, and she had of course taken the portrait of Susan to L.A. with her.

But she and Angela had not visited as often as Dag. Work and distance had kept their visits to a minimum. It had seemed unnecessary to keep the room cozy for their infrequent visits. And thinking about the lack of visits made Laurie despair even more. Yes, her work was and had been important, but she never should have let anything come before family.

Laurie quietly pulled the blanket up around Suzie’s neck tucking her in and planted a quick kiss on her forehead. Suzie stirred, but just a little bit and as quietly as she had crept into the room, Laurie tiptoed back out into the dark hallway. She practically tiptoed down the stairs which squeaked even louder than the bedroom door had. She did not bother with turning on any lights. Even in the dark Laurie could find her way around the house she had spent so much of her life in.

The house which had been so full of life for so many years now seemed empty and desolate, and the huge recreation room that the stairs descended into seemed cavernous. The video games and pinball machines which had once lined the walls had long ago been sold for charitable causes when the last of the Baker kids had finally gone away to college. Joe Baker had laughed that the games were worth more as collector’s items than they had been when he bought them new.

A pool table still sat silently in the room, dormant for months. There had been so many weekends when Joe Baker and his best friend Frank, who also happened to be Laurie's grandfather, would play game after game of eight ball, but those days were also gone, etched only in her memories. The pool balls were laying randomly on the felt top, and for no reason at all Laurie walked over to it and rolled them one by one into the pockets. She then closed her eyes and ran her fingertips across it trying to remember the last time she had seen it used.

It had been the previous Christmas Eve. The entire family was there along with some close friends such as Laurie’s life long friend Gail, Gail’s husband Kurt and their son Marcus. It was funny how things had worked out between Gail and Kurt.

Laurie had been the one who had actually dated Kurt when they were in high school. When they had all graduated, Laurie and Angela had gone to live in L.A. where Laurie attended U.C.L.A. while Angela had attended a smaller college and worked to help support them. Of course, Joe and Bettie had helped out greatly with their expenses, but Angela would only let them do so up to a point. She insisted on working to provide for their own day to day living expenses, and it had been Angela who had insisted that Laurie and she would repay every dime that Joe and Bettie had spent beyond Laurie’s tuition and other college fees.

Kurt had headed east to study architecture. The plan was that once he had his degree, he would return West to work at his Mother’s firm. As for Gail, She had gone first to a community college to study business, and then took some courses to enable her to get her real estate license. It turned out that Gail had a genuine knack for selling just about anything so she had decided that if she was going to be in sales, she might as well sell something other than lipstick and makeup especially when there was a lot more money to be made in selling property.

When Kurt had returned home from college, Angela and Laurie had made a special trip home so that they could celebrate Kurt’s homecoming along with Gail. It had been Angela who first noticed that there might be some real chemistry between Gail and Kurt at the time. Laurie had scoffed at the idea initially, until she remembered how they had gotten along at their high school prom years earlier. It wasn’t long before the two of them were dating regularly and within a few years they had married. When their son Marcus came along, Gail ended her career as a real estate agent. They certainly didn’t need the money, and Gail had remembered the struggle of her own childhood when her own mother had to work so many hours to support them.

Then without warning, Gail’s mother Marcella had a stroke and died suddenly. It had been five years ago, but Laurie remembered it as if it were yesterday. Gail was grief stricken and took to her bed unable to function at all, but between Laurie, Kurt and Bettie they had been able to help her pull through. From that point on, Bettie took her under her wing and it was as if Gail had become one of her own daughters. It was not unusual to see Kurt and Gail around the house on any given day. On weekends, Joe, Kurt, Dag’s husband Glenn and Frank would often get together to shoot pool, while the women would head out of the house for lunch, dinner, a movie, or shopping.

Laurie closed her eyes tighter still, forming a picture in her head of the four men gathered around the pool table that Christmas Eve. Her father had had a difficult shot and was having trouble lining it up. She had been standing off to the side observing the proceedings.

“Does anybody care to place a wager against me making this shot?” Joe had asked.

Frank had laughed. “We’re in trouble now. Every time you ask that, you end up running the table.”

“I’m certainly not going to bet against you, seeing as how you’re my partner,” Kurt had answered. “It just wouldn’t seem right somehow.”

“What about you, my favorite son in law?” Joe asked turning to Glenn.

“I’m your only son-in-law,” Glenn responded. “That’s why I’m your favorite.”

“Well, you won’t be my only son in law much longer. Patsy seems to be getting pretty serious about that new fellow she’s dating. Before you know it they’ll be getting married, and then you’ll have some competition for the title of favorite son-in-law.”

“That may be true,” Glenn Said, “But I’m still not betting against you making the shot.”

“What a bunch of cowards all of you are,” Joe replied in mock disgust. He was just about to line up his shot again when Laurie took a fifty dollar bill out of her pocket and slammed it down on the edge of the pool table.

“I’ll take that bet, dad” she had told them. Joe looked at her and grinned.

“Now you see, there. My baby girl has more guts than all of you combined. You’re all a bunch of sheep.”

“Yeah, well she may be gutsy, but she’s not too bright if she’s putting that kind of money up.” Kurt offered.

At that point Joe took a fifty dollar bill out of his wallet and laid it on top of Laurie’s fifty. “Quiet please, while I line this up,” he told them. Joe took his time studying the shot for what seemed like an eternity. When it came to shooting pool for money he had always been deadly serious. Finally he stood up.

“Five ball in the corner pocket,” he said pointing to the upper left hand corner of the table.

He began sliding the cue stick gently back and forth. Laurie watched him intently. She hated the thought of parting with the fifty bucks, but it was worth it to see Joe enjoying himself so thoroughly. But just as he was ready to finally take the shot, Joe turned his head ever so slightly, and winked at her. He snapped the cue stick back, and the cue ball was soon on its way around the table, bouncing off the four ball, banking off one side, and then rolling up toward the five ball which was just inches away from the pocket. The cue ball finally found its mark hitting the five ball and sending it on its way. Everybody watched as the ball rolled slower and slower until it reached the very edge of the pocket and was ready to drop. Except it didn’t drop. It just hung there on the edge as if it were waiting for a gust of wind to help it finish the journey. Joe buried his head in the table.

“I don’t believe it!” Frank yelled. “He missed!”

Glenn and Kurt looked at each other than looked at Joe. Laurie walked haughtily over to the two fifties, picked them up, and slid the folded money into her shirt pocket.

“Easy money,” she said as she stuck her nose up in the air as if to say the rest of them should bow in her presence.

As they stood there with their mouths open, she went over to Joe who was still laying across the table as if he were in total despair. She bent over and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks dad!” she whispered in his ear to make sure nobody else heard and then she walked proudly out of the room.

Laurie smiled thinking about the incident while at the same time a tear slid down her cheek. She quickly opened her eyes returning herself to the real world and the reality of the present.

“Dammit!” she said to herself biting her lip and brushing the tear away.

Laurie looked around at the movie posters which lined the walls of the recreation room. She hated them, and she didn’t hate them. She didn’t hate them because they were her Father’s prize possession. She hated them because if he had never started the damn collection in the first place, then her father would never have been in L.A. and nothing would have turned out the way that it did. But most of all she hated them because they were a constant reminder of her own complicity in what had happened. But maybe that was the way it was meant to be. She needed to look at them, she needed to see them, and she needed them to remind her of her own stupid and silly selfishness that had been the real cause of the tragedy.

Laurie walked briskly out of the recreation room and into the study. She decided that since she was awake, she might as well feed her father’s tropical fish. Laurie knew that Bettie would take care of the fish during the day, but any excuse to do anything would keep her from having to go back to her bed.

The study remained completely unchanged and was exactly as Joe Baker had left it. There were several movie posters on the wall in here as well. There was the Bengals poster above the desk, and it had always seemed out of place in Devonshire, where from September until December the only thing you heard about any sports team was the undeniable greatness of the Oakland Raiders. And it matter not how good or how lousy they were. She had once asked her father how and why he had gone against the grain and become a Bengals fan.

"I always liked the underdog," he had said. "It was no use being a Rams fan, they ended up in St. Louis, the Raiders for a long time couldn't decide where they wanted to live, and my heart just isn't in San Francisco despite Tony Bennett, so I can't root for the 49ers. I just kind of latched onto the Bengals who for the better part of their existence have been a last place team. But one of these days there will be a reckoning and those Bengals are going to make me a boatload of money.”

But that day had never come and now it never would. Every year before the season started, Joe Baker would place a thousand dollar bet on them to not only be in the Super Bowl, but to win it. And every year he was disappointed and out another thousand dollars.

Laurie couldn't help but smile remembering the explanation. She bent down to pick up a book Suzie had left on the floor and placed it back on the bookshelf.

She stopped momentarily to wipe the sides of the fish tank with a sponge and to drop in some fish flakes. By the time she had finished, she had killed about twenty minutes all together. Not nearly enough time in her opinion, so she headed into the kitchen for some juice, hoping perhaps it would soothe her and help her to sleep without dreaming.

She quickly walked past the portrait of her father that hung in the living room. She didn’t dare to look at it. Every time she did, she felt as if his eyes were burning into her and accusing her. After all, if it hadn’t been for her.......but she let the thought trail off for the moment. She had spent enough seconds, minutes, hours, and days, cloaking herself in guilt. She had already spent most of the past hour doing just that very thing.

In the kitchen, Laurie opened the fridge and quickly grabbed the can of juice snapping it open. She took one quick sip and then sat down at the kitchen counter.

She drank it as slowly as possible, hoping it would help, but knowing deep down inside that it wouldn't. It was a repetition of the exact same thing she had done the night before, the night before that, and practically every night for the last six months.

She was on about her third sip of the juice when the lights in the kitchen came blazing on, causing her to almost drop the can. It was her mother, Bettie. Not the mother who had given birth to Laurie, but the mother who had adopted her and raised her from infancy making her the only mother she had really known.

Bettie sat down next to Laurie, hoping to engage her in a long conversation. Bettie knew Laurie had been ready to jump up and leave to escape questioning. Time and time again she had tried to get Laurie to talk about what had happened that dreadful night, hoping that somehow it would help her come to terms with it. But no amount of coaxing had any effect, and any effort to try to bring it out of her was quickly rebuffed.

Bettie decided to change the subject. “What time do you have to be at the hospital,” she asked her.

“Not until noon. I have a surgery scheduled at four, and that will give me time to check on my other patients.” She answered.

“Well, at least you can sleep in some today,” Bettie replied. “I still think you should have stayed in Los Angeles instead of coming back here to Devonshire. I’m still perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and Dag and Glenn are always close by.”

Laurie let out a deep breath. “I know that, mother,” Laurie said, quickly feeling on edge again.

She got up to deposit the can in the trash and turned to face Bettie.

“I’m sure you can take care of yourself," she said finally. But after what happened I told you I wanted to be closer to my family.”

Bettie wasn’t buying it. Perhaps if Laurie, Angela, and her granddaughter Susan had lived on the East Coast she could have seen the logic in the move. But L.A. was a short two hour drive away, and was certainly not the end of the earth. But trying to figure out what was going on in Laurie’s head, something she had once been able to do intuitively had become an impossible task.

They stood there awkwardly for a moment with nothing to say to each other. It made Bettie want to cry, as she never thought the day would arrive when Laurie could no longer confide in her. She reached over to give Laurie a quick hug and a kiss, which Laurie returned. Laurie already regretted having been so short with her mother, but it was just something else to add to her long list of regrets.

“Well, try to get some rest dear, I’m going back to bed. Don’t stay up too much longer.” Bettie turned and headed back to her room. Laurie watched until she had disappeared into the darkness, quickly turned out the light and returned to her own room.

Angela was still sleeping quietly, so Laurie climbed back into the bed as gently as she possibly could, not wanting to disturb her. Once in the bed, she lay there looking at the ceiling, forcing herself to stay awake as long as possible. But it wasn’t long before exhaustion overtook her and she drifted off to sleep. And although she had no perception of time in this state, an hour later the nightmare returned, and it began as it always did. It was not just a nightmare, it was a continual replay of what had happened that night six months ago, as if she had recorded it on TIVO and when playing it back it became eternally stuck in the playback mode.

Life couldn’t have been better for Laurie. She had fulfilled her lifelong ambition of becoming a surgeon, she was with the woman she had loved since her teenage years, and they had already started their family, and planned to add to it quickly as both of their biological clocks were ticking away the years.

On this particular evening, Laurie had just arrived home late from the hospital and was beginning to rush to join Angela at the Back Alley Night Club. Angela and Laurie’s daughter Susan, who was named after Laurie’s birth mother, was spending the night with a neighbor. They had made plans to join some friends at the club because one of them, Margie, was having a birthday. Laurie had just begun running her bath water when the doorbell rang.

"Now who could that be," and Laurie thought for a moment that she might not answer it. Instead she simply sighed, then ran out to open the door hoping to get rid of the salesman from down the street or the Jehovah Witnesses from up the street. But when she opened the door there stood Joe Baker, with an enoromous grin on his face. “Surprise!” he said holding out his arms.

She quickly wrapped her arms around him. “Dad! What brings you here! It’s so good to see you! Why didn’t you tell us you were coming? Where’s mom? Is she here with you?” Laurie asked the questions so fast it was as if they were coming out of a machine gun instead of her mouth.

“Whoa, slow down, baby girl!” He said laughing while squeezing Laurie even tighter. Laurie always got a kick out of him calling her baby girl although she wasn’t the youngest child or girl in the family. “One question at a time. I had a line on some rare movie posters that I might be able to pick up cheap here in L.A. and I had to act on it quickly. I thought I would surprise you. I can leave if you want me to,” he laughed.

“No of course not!” Laurie replied. "I've never been happier that you started collecting those old posters. What about Mom?" She asked looking around him as if Bettie might be standing outside somewhere.

“I wanted her to come with me but your Grandpa took ill again and she stayed behind to help nurse him back to health. Frank just hasn't been the same since Arcadia passed away. I told him he should move in with me and your mother, but he's a stubborn old goat,"

Joe began surveying the interior of the house. He had been in it before, but it had never been completely finished on those occasions. Angela seemed always to be tweaking it here and there with new paint, new carpeting, new paintings or even new wood flooring. But on Laurie’s and Angela’s last visit to Devonshire, Angela had admitted that she ran out of things to tweak. "This really is a magnificent house, Laurie. Angela has done an excellent job decorating it."

“Yes, it is beautiful,” Laurie said as she looked around and admired the work herself. Angela had really been fussy about the details, but one couldn’t complain about the results. “Angela had a lot of fun doing it. From the minute we walked into this house, she began planning on what she was going to do with it. Angela's turned into a regular homebody. I thought she’d never finish though.”

“Where’s my beautiful granddaughter,” Joe asked looking around. “I want a hug from her!”

“Suzie’s spending the night with a friend. She’ll be disappointed she wasn’t here when you arrived!”

Joe frowned. “Well, darn. I was really looking forward to seeing her. That’s okay; it’ll give me time to rest up, catch my breath, and get a good night’s sleep. You and I can catch up”

"Well, dad, I'm getting ready to meet Angela downtown. One of our friends is having a birthday and we're suppose to celebrate with her. I would get out of it if I could. Angela left a couple of hours ago. I had to work late or I would be there already.”

“I guess this is not my lucky night,” Joe sighed. “Here I was hoping to spend a quiet evening with the two most beautiful women in the world, and now I’ll be spending it alone!”

“Dad, you think all of your daughters are the most beautiful women in the world,” Laurie chuckled. “But you won’t be spending the night here alone. You’re coming with me.”

“Come with you where exactly?” Joe asked her.

“It’s called the Back Alley. It’s where we go with our friends to hang out and unwind sometimes. You’ll love it!”

“Is it a gay bar?”

“Yes it is,” Laurie answered, not sure why he had asked.

“Wouldn’t I be kind of out of place?”

She shook her head and laughed. “Don’t be silly dad. A lot of our gay friends bring their heterosexual friends there. We don’t discriminate against someone just because they're straight.”

Joe couldn't help but laugh even though Laurie’s joke had made his question look a bit foolish.

“I’m sure you don’t sweetie. But just the same, I’m really tired and I'm not as young as I used to be. I think I’ll just stay here and rest up and get some sleep. You run along without me and we can talk when you get home. I’ll just sack out in front of the TV until then.”

It was Laurie’s turn to make a face. “Oh Dad, don’t be such an old fuddy duddy. You're not that old yet. You’ll have fun! If you don’t you can leave early and come back here. I’ll even bring you home, cross my heart, hope to die.” Laurie quickly criss crossed her chest with her finger.

“Well, Laurie, I am old, and sometimes I am a fuddy duddy. I think you start learning to be a fuddy duddy about the time you hit fifty,” he laughed. “But really, my nightclubbing days were left behind years ago at about the time I met your mother.”

Laurie had no intention of giving up. She knew he could be talked into it if she put a little more effort into it. “Please Dad!” she said in her sweetest childlike voice. “You just have to go! Angela will never forgive you and I want you to meet some of our crowd! You’ve never ever met any of our friends here. And you’ll hurt my feelings and make me cry!”

Joe was hesitant. The long drive from Devonshire to L.A. had been tiring enough, but then it took another two hours of driving in the heavy city traffic to locate the home of the poster seller. “Maybe next time, baby girl. It’s been an incredibly long and tiring day for your old man.”

But Laurie knew exactly what would get him to change his mind. She had a certain face that she had used even as a child that would simply melt Joe’s heart. She only used it in times of desperate necessity because over using it would have lessened its impact. She made the face which partially consisted of curling her lips and making very sad eyes that look like they were on the verge of tears, and hanging her head.

“No Laurie, the pouty face doesn’t work on me any more so give it up. And besides it’s not very becoming of someone your age and your profession” He told her sternly. But Joe already felt like he was going to loose the argument. And when Laurie doubled her efforts by letting a tear well up in her eye the game was over. She had skunked him ten to zip.

He sighed. “Okay, you win. I’ll go on the condition that we get back here early. I’m libel to fall asleep on a bar stool if we don’t.

"Great! I knew you would! You'll have a blast. I just have to hop in the tub and change. I had a late surgery so I'm running behind. Angela left two hours ago. Come on into the bedroom and sit. We can talk and catch up. I can hear you from the tub."

Joe did as he was told and followed her into the bedroom. Laurie quickly grabbed her outfit and scampered into the bathroom.

"How's the rest of the family, dad?"

"Well, we don't hear from the twins as often as we should but with Patsy working in Paris and LeAnn in New York, I’m sure they are very busy. But you, Dag and Little Frank were the same way when you were young and starting out. Dag will finally get her Masters degree in June. She says she might transfer to the high school then. Little Frank is getting ready to move into his new home. He's quite busy at the public defenders office. I'm quite proud of him really. He could have worked for just about any law firm but thought that the public defenders office would be more rewarding. He told me he does hope to have his own practice eventually, but even then he'll do a lot of pro bono work. As for Keith, he’s still in Class A ball but he thinks that they are going to promote him to Double A ball next year."

"I'm glad to hear that," Laurie hollered back at him. "At least if he geets in AA he might play some teams close by once in a while. By the way, Kurt and Gail are coming down next week. She says she has some important news for us. I bet she's pregnant again."

"I wouldn't be surprised, Laurie. They're just like part of the family. As a matter of fact, Gail comes over and often goes shopping with Bettie. I think Bettie is like a second mother to her. Besides that, when they go shopping, Kurt will come over and watch some football or baseball with me and shoot some pool. I told him he doesn't have to hang around with an old fart like me."

Laurie Laughed as she climbed out of the tub and began quickly drying herself. "You're not an old fart, dad. And what did Kurt say when you told him that?"

"He told me he was going to keep coming over for just that reason, so that when he becomes an old fart, he'll know just how to act." Joe laughed remembering the incident.

"How do I look?" she asked Joe as she emerged from the bathroom.

"Gorgeous, as usual. I told you, you're my prettiest daughter!"

Laurie laughed.

"Well, for an old fart you're still the best dad in the world," Laurie said planting a kiss on his cheek. "Here's your reward."

"Hmm.....now, there's a reward I wouldn't trade for all the money in the world!"

"Shall we get going?" Laurie asked him. "This will give me a chance to take you for a ride in my new car."

"Do you mean that big sports car in the driveway? On second thought, maybe I will stay here after all."

"Oh no you don't," she said grabbing him by the arm and pulling him towards the door. "It’s way too late for you to back out now."

She continued pulling him until they were out by the car, Joe faking reluctance the entire way.

“What do you really think?” she asked once they were outside.

“I think that’s too much car for anyone, let alone my baby girl! I’ll get in, but only if you promise to obey the speed limits.”

“Cross my heart, hope to die.” Laurie quickly climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. Joe nervously sat in the passenger seat and closed his eyes while grabbing the dash.

“What are you closing your eyes for?” Laurie asked.

“For the same reason that I always closed them when I was teaching you how to drive. It’s not a pretty sight."

“Dad! It wasn’t that bad. I've never had one speeding ticket.”

"Well, that's true," Joe replied cautiously.

"Besides," Laurie said as she backed out of the driveway, "In this thing I can easily out run any cop car in the city."

"That's encouraging," Joe replied. But he was laughing when he said it.

"See, that wasn't so bad," Laurie said when they had arrived at the bar.

"Nah, but I think my heart skipped a few beats."

When they entered the bar, Angela was sitting at a table with three other women. There were a couple of guys dancing to the juke box, and other patrons were scattered at the tables through out. Angela saw Joe with Laurie and she quickly jumped up from her chair and raced over to them.

She greeted Laurie with a hug and a long passionate kiss.

“I thought you would never get here,” she told her.

"My surgery went longer than expected. And as you can see, I found this stray vagabond lurking about."

“Dad! It's great to see you! You’re the last person I expected to see walking through the door. Well, mom would be the last person, you’d be next to the last.”

She wrapped her arms around Joe giving him a hug, and he did likewise.

“Well, this is the last place I expected to be going to so that makes us even. Laurie talked me into it. I haven’t been in a bar in years."

“Shall we sit at the bar,” he told her pointing towards the bar stools. They walked over to the bar and sat down. Jerome, the bartender came over to serve them. He was as friendly as he always was, but Jerome was a hopeless romantic and a big flirt, although most of the time it was all done in jest.

“And who might this good looking guy be, Laurie? Where have you been hiding him?” Jerome looked over at Joe admiringly as if he was sizing him up. "And you know I just love older men!"

Laurie laughed. “This is my father, Jerome. And I will agree with you that he is quite good looking.”

“Oh! Sorry about that,” Jerome said. “I guess I should ask questions first, flirt later.”

Joe held his hand out to Jerome who took it and shook it warmly. “Don’t worry about it Jerome, I consider it a very high compliment.”

“Then the first round of drinks is on me! What will you have? I already know what these two want.”

“I’ll just have a coke,” Joe told him. “I’m not much of a drinker.

“Come on, Dad! Live a little bit,” Angela told him. "Laurie won't be drinking at all. It's her turn to be the designated driver."

Joe chuckled. “I don't want to get my daughter-in-law mad at me, so I guess one wouldn't hurt.”

"I've got just the thing for you," Jerome told him. "It's a special secret drink that I invented and only I have the recipe for."

"What's in it?" Joe asked.

"Now if I told you that, it wouldn't be a secret would it, Joe," Jerome replied.

"Trust me, Dad," Laurie whispered in his ear. "It's fantastic. You'll love it."

Jerome finished mixing the drink, and Joe took a sip.

"Hey, this is good!"

"And for you, Laurie, the designated driver, what will you have?"

"Just a non-alcoholic beer for me," she told him.

"Can't go wrong there." Jerome reached under the counter for the beer.

About this time another bar patron, a young and attractive blonde haired girl walked over to them.

"Angela! Since it's my birthday, you just have to dance with me!" she told her. "Don't worry; I know you're spoken for. I won't get fresh."

Laurie laughed. "I'm not worried, Margie. Dad, this is the birthday girl I was telling you about, Margie Foster."

"I'm pleased to meet you," Joe said starting to get up.

"Please, don't get up!" Margie said walking over to him and shaking his hand. "I can see where Laurie gets her good looks from!" Joe shook her hand then Margie turned back to Angela. "Come on Angela!"

Angela looked at Laurie.

“That’s okay, Angela. You go ahead. We can dance later. I want to talk to dad.”

Angela sighed, jumped off of the bar stool and walked over to the juke box to begin dancing.

“So, how’s your practice going, Laurie?” Joe asked as he took another sip on his secret drink. “Or do I even need to ask judging from that car you just bought. And here I thought you were turning into a family girl!”

“I am Dad. We don’t go out very often. We still have the van. As for my practice, it couldn’t be going better. And it’s more than rewarding. Just this evening this young boy came in with a serious head injury. He'd been shot in a drive by shooting. It could have easily killed him. I mean, some of the doctors take it all in stride when they save a life. For me it’s different, every time it happens it makes me feel like my life is so worthwhile, and that’s better than any amount of money I might make. Then again......”

She grew silent for a minute.

“Then again, what?” Joe asked urging her on.

She took a sip from her drink. “Then again there are the ones you can’t save. It makes me feel so helpless. No matter how good I become or how much I learn, there’s always those that can’t be helped. I’ve seen more than my share of tragedies in the past few years. I’m not supposed to get emotionally involved with the patients, but I can’t always help myself.”

“You can’t save the whole world, Laurie. Nobody can. You know I’ve told you.....”

“Yes, Dad,” Laurie interrupted. She knew what he was going to say. She had heard it over and over again from both him and her mother. “You’re going to say that sometimes things happen in this world that we have no control over, that there’s not always a reason or explanation for it. If we search for answers that aren’t there we’ll go crazy trying to find them. And if the reason is there, we may not see it at first but it will all become clear later on. Believe me, dad. I understand all of that. But it doesn’t always make it any easier.”

“And your father is right, Laurie,” Jerome interjected. He had been standing behind the bar listening. “When Tony died from aids, I searched for the reasons for a long time. We had always been so careful, then for him get it from a blood transfusion after a car accident...well....there just didn’t seem to be any reason for it. Finally I knew it was time to put it behind me and get on with my life.”

"At least I'm glad it's not just about the money," Joe told Laurie.

"No, dad. That's why I do work at the free clinic. There are a lot of people I've been able to help that couldn't afford it otherwise." Laurie took a sip of her drink and then laughed. “Besides, I don’t know how to play golf so what else would I do on my days off?”

Joe chuckled then the three of them grew silent. Angela and Margie were still on the dance floor along with several other couples. It was at about this time that the man entered the bar. Laurie had seen him enter out of the corner of her eye. There was enough light in the bar that she knew right away he wasn’t one of the regulars, or at least none of the regulars that she knew. But there was nothing unusual about that. As the man entered she noticed that he looked slowly around the bar as if he was looking for someone. Eventually he came over and sat on an empty barstool.

She heard Jerome ask him what he would have to drink then turned back towards Joe pulling him off of the chair.

“Dance with me, Dad,” Laurie asked standing up and holding out her hand. “It’s been ages since we’ve danced.”

“I’d love to dance with you, Laurie.” Joe took her hand, ignoring the new patron at the bar, and led Laurie to the dance floor. Angela and Margie looked as if they were finished, until Joe and Laurie arrived on the scene.

Joe was about to get into his fast dance mode, when the jukebox switched to a ballad. He took Laurie into his arms and they began to dance.

“I’m terribly jealous, Dad,” Angela said while winking at them.

Joe hadn’t always been the best of dancers, but after years of dancing not only with Bettie but with all of his daughters he had become quite adept at it. Laurie always had a feeling of being safe and protected when they danced, or whenever Joe was around for that matter. But never more so than when she was in his arms.

“I love you, Dad,” she told him for no reason in particular.

“I love you too, Laurie,” he said softly. “I’m so terribly proud of you. You’re everything a parent could dream and hope their child will become.”

It was about halfway through the song that she noticed Joe seemed not to be dancing with the smoothness that he usually did. She looked up at him and saw that he was looking over at the bar. Laurie couldn’t see what he was looking at, as her back was towards Jerome and anybody else who might be sitting at the bar.

“Is there something wrong, Dad?” she asked. He seemed extraordinarily preoccupied.

“I don’t know, Laurie. It’s just that somehow that fellow that just came in seems out of place. I’m usually a good reader of people and he’s making me feel a bit uneasy.”

“I’m sure it’s okay dad. You’re just being over protective as usual. There’s never been any trouble in here. He’s probably looking for a relative.”

She turned her head far enough to glance over at the bar, and did so just in time to see the man’s hand come out of his jacket. There was the shining glint of metal, a simultaneous blast of light, explosion and a puff of smoke came emanating from the gun chamber. Jerome's mouth had opened as if to say, "Oh No," but the words never came out. Instead blood spurted from his throat, sprayed onto the wall in back of him and then Jerome fell backwards slumping to the floor.

In the next fraction of a second, before Laurie could even begin to comprehend exactly what was going on, Joe grabbed her by the arm and threw her violently to the floor. Laurie hit the floor so hard that it knocked the wind out of her. Despite the sudden mass confusion, it seemed as if everything was moving in slow motion, as if she had just been dropped into the famous slow motion scene in The Untouchables. And then there was another explosion. Laurie somehow managed to get up on her hands and knees. She could see Angela start to grab Margie by the back of her shirt to pull her to the floor but before she could a mass of blood squirted out of the front of Margie’s shirt and she fell to the floor in a heap. She turned her head to look for Joe. She saw him moving toward the bald headed guy he had been so suspicious of, but now the bald headed guy’s arm was extending and there was the unmistakable gleaming chrome in his hand. As she watched Joe approach the bald headed guy, she had this fleeting thought in her dream as to what the hell did her father think he was doing playing hero at his age when there was another loud cracking sound and a flash of light emanated from the object in bald headed guy’s hand.

And it was at this point that she would always awaken, as if some defensive mechanism kicked in to keep her from reliving the even more horrible events that followed.

When she awakened this time, Angela was no longer lying next to her. A quick glance of the clock told her it was ten o’clock. Laurie would have to hurry if she was going to make it to the hospital by noon. The truth was, it wasn’t absolutely necessary for her to be there that early. She could easily make her rounds in an hour, but the hospital had over the months become an escape. She quickly showered and dressed and headed down the stairs.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, her daughter Suzie was waiting for her and jumping up and down as if she were going to burst.

“Mommy, mommy, mommy, mama Angela is going to take me to see Santa Claus today,” she told Laurie while at the same time wrapping her arms around her. When Susan was born, Laurie and Angela had decided that Angela would be Mama Angela, and Laurie would be Mommy Laurie.

“That’s nice,” she told Suzie while patting her more or on the head.

“I wish you didn’t have to work today then you could go see Santa too,” exclaimed Suzie. She unwrapped her arms from around Laurie, and started to dash up the stairs.

While all this was going on Angela had entered the room also. She walked over to Laurie and greeted her with a quick kiss.

“Don’t you think she’s getting a little old for all of this Santa Claus nonsense,” Laurie asked.

“Geez, Laurie. She’s only five. Let her enjoy her childhood while she can.”

“I just don’t want her to grow up thinking life is one big fairy tale.” Laurie complained.

Angela looked at Laurie as if she were not sure what to say. Their relationship had become terribly strained over the months. It wasn’t that the two of them argued incessantly, but Laurie seemed to be growing more distant from her and their daughter by the day. Angela was willing to make allowances because of what had happened, but it was something they had both gone through. Granted, it would be harder for Laurie to overcome it, but in the six months since it had happened they had never confided their feelings and thoughts about it in all that time, although Angela had tried time and time again.

“I’m sure she’ll find out about life just the same as we did, Laurie. But I believed in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, and I’m none the worse for it. And I’m sure you believed in those things as a child also and it doesn’t seem to have ruined your life.”

“Don’t be so sure of that,” Laurie replied nastily. “Anyway, I have to hurry, I’m running late.” She still had plenty of time, but was in no mood for small talk.

Laurie walked past Angela who simply sighed and headed up the steps. She went to the kitchen where Bettie was loading up the dishwasher, grabbed a juice out of the refrigerator and quickly drank it.

“Do you have time for breakfast, Laurie? I’ll fix you something if you do,” Bettie asked. She already knew what the answer would be but it didn’t hurt to make the offer.

“No, mom. I’ll grab lunch at the hospital. I’ve got a full schedule today and I’m already running late.”

“Just make sure you eat something. Will you be home for dinner at least?”

“No, mother. I have a surgery at four that will take a few hours. And as usual, I’m sure they’ll bring somebody up from the emergency room also.”

And Bettie had known the answer to that question also. It was a rare occasion when Laurie joined the rest of them for dinner. “Well, I’ll leave you a plate to warm up for when you do get home,” she told her. But she knew the plate would go untouched if she did. She already knew word for word what Laurie was going to say next.

“Don’t bother, mom. I’ll grab something from the cafeteria.” Laurie finshed drinking her juice, threw the container in the trash compactor, then quickly kissed Bettie on the cheek. “I might be late so don’t wait up on me,” she told her as she headed for the door.

Bettie walked to the front of the house and watched until Laurie had driven down the street and out of sight. She was still standing there when Angela came outside.

Neither one of them spoke for a while.

“Things are getting quite tense between the two of you, aren’t they,” Bettie said quietly, not turning around to face Angela.

“Yes, they are. I’m trying to be patient and understanding, Mom, but I’m just about at the end of my rope. I don’t know how long I can go on like this. Laurie seems to think she's the only one in this family who has suffered a loss.”

Bettie turned to face her. “I know this has been hard on you also dear. Just try to hang in there a while. I’m sure Laurie will eventually be back to being herself again.”

“I’m not so sure,” replied Angela. “If it were just me it was affecting, I wouldn’t care. I’ve dealt with worse things in my life. But it’s affecting Suzie. She doesn’t understand why Laurie doesn’t have time for her anymore, or why she’s so short with her sometimes. She knows it’s because of the “bad thing that happened to grandpa” but that’s about it.

“Has she talked to you about that night at all, since it happened? Are we missing a piece of the puzzle?”

“If there is, I don’t know what it is,” Angela replied shaking her head. “I’ve told you everything that happened. It was a terrible thing for everyone involved.”

“Do you think that she may be blaming herself for what happened?” Bettie asked as they walked inside. At this point, as far as Bettie was concerned, anything was possible.

Angela closed her eyes to replay the events in her mind once again as she had so often in the days since it had happened..

She had been on the dance floor with Margie. Unlike Laurie, she had not noticed the stranger entering the bar. Margie and she were just about to leave the floor when the slow dance started and Joe and Laurie had come to join them. They had decided to dance the slow dance together also.

Angela had been looking at Joe, thinking that he wasn’t a bad dancer at all, when she heard the first shot, not really knowing what it was. Everything else was mostly a blur of events that happened in a matter of seconds and so fast that she had to slow it down in her head to piece it all together. She had looked over at the bar, but Jerome was no longer standing there and all she could see was a deep dark reddish liquid dripping aimlessly down the wall where he had been standing. People stood up and began screaming. She saw a bald headed man walking towards them.

It was then that she saw Joe throw Laurie to the floor, just as another shot rang out and ricocheted off the concrete walls. Both she and Margie crouched over, not sure what was going on or what to do next.

“Get on the floor, dammit” Joe had yelled at them. But it was too late. Angela had just reached out and was going to pull the crouching Margie to the floor when another shot rang out. Blood spurted out of the back of Margie’s shirt and splattered to the floor in front of her at the same time. Margie didn’t scream, but simply said, “Oooomph” as if she had been punched in the stomach and then she crumpled to the floor in a heap. Angela quickly lay down on top of her, covering the helpless and critically wounded Margie from anymore gun fire.

Angela looked over just as another shot rang out and just in time to see her father-in-law go completely limp and fall backward to the floor as a horrendous mist of red sprayed from his chest. If Joe had been twenty years younger or perhaps even ten, he may have reached the gunman before the shot and subdued him. Others had quickly ducked under tables. Margie was still breathing but she was drenched in blood, which continued to spout like a geyser from the hole ripped in the back of her shirt. Laurie had managed to get up on her hands and knees, and when she saw her dad fall she could only scream, “DADDY!”

Laurie started to crawl towards his lifeless body and Angela watched in horror as the gunman once again took aim, this time directly at Laurie. But before he could pull the trigger, someone, Angela didn’t know who, tackled him from behind pulling him to the floor where several other patrons quickly climbed on top of him, wrestling away the gun and subduing the then unknown assailant. She turned quickly back to Margie, who was still laying face down. Angela ripped off her own sweater and did her best to wipe away the blood while at the same time trying to control the bleeding. The blood had so covered Margie’s shirt, you could no longer see the picture of George Bush on the back, although you could still see the words Stupid is Forever.

Laurie had reached Joe. His eyes were open but they were as lifeless as if they had been made of glass. There was no doubt that he had died instantly as there was an enormous gaping bullet wound in the exact location of where his heart had been. No amount of medical training, nothing Laurie had learned from her years of studying every inch of the human anatomy could save him. But she was going to try. She began performing mouth to mouth, as if somehow sheer will could bring him back to life if she breathed enough for him.

“God dammit, somebody call an ambulance,” she screamed through her tears. She was going to pound Joe’s chest, but there was nothing but a gaping hole there so she breathed into his mouth but this time blood simply sprayed from the wound. He was not dead. He could not be dead. She would not allow him to be dead. And then she took his head in her arms, and cradled him as her tears fell freely mingling with the blood. “Oh dear, God. Don’t let my daddy die. Please!” She sobbed.

“Dammit where’s the ambulance?” Laurie screamed again.

Angela could hear the sirens approaching in the background. Another of the bar patrons who had survived had come to help her with Margie. He motioned for Angela to help Laurie. She quickly ran over to where Laurie was cradling the fatally wounded Joe and tried to pull her gently away.

“NO! I WON’T LEAVE HIM!” She had screamed at Angela.

“Laurie, you can’t help Dad,” she said softly.

“Don’t you say that! Damn you to hell for saying that!” Laurie told her.

Seconds later the door to the bar opened and four police officers rushed in. They quickly rushed over to where four of the guys were still struggling with the assailant. The officers quickly handcuffed him ordering him to stay on the floor. At about the same time, the ambulances pulled up and the paramedics entered quickly. Two of them rushed over to where Margie was, somebody yelled for another to come behind the bar where Jerome still laid. The other ran over to where Laurie and Angela knelt on the floor next to Joe.

“It’s our father,” Angela told him softly. The medic seemed to understand.

He put his hand gently on Laurie’s shoulder. “Miss, I have to help your father now. Will you let me help him?”

She looked up at him, and then looked back at Joe. “I’m a doctor,” she said. “Don’t you know that? I can help him.”

“Please, Laurie. Let him take care of Dad,” Angela again pleaded.

For the first time Laurie looked directly at Angela, and saw the tears streaming down her face. She looked down at Joe once again, looked at Angela again and then the medic. Her own face was caked with Joe’s blood and her own tears. She looked down at the lifeless body, only this time with her free hand she gently closed his eyes, kissed him on the forehead, whispered, “I love you, dad” then gently laid his head down on the floor. She stood up, and reached out her hand to Angela helping her into a standing position. And then she took Angela into her arms and held her tightly, as tightly as she had every held her as Angela’s tears soaked her bloodstained blouse.

The man who had done the shooting was Richard James Gayhart, and he was now serving two consecutive life sentences without parole. It was small consolation to Jerome's Family, Margie, and the Bakers. Jerome had lived for another four hours before finally succumbing to his wounds. Margie would live, but she would never walk again as the bullet had severed her spinal chord.

Gayhart’s story was all too common, more common than many cared to know of or think about. He had gone in search of a gay bar, any gay bar, simply because he wanted to kill homosexuals, who he said were an “abomination of the worst kind” and should be sent “straight to hell.”

Angela violently shook her head and opened her eyes as if it would somehow take away the terrible memory.

“I don’t know why Laurie would blame herself for what happened,” Angela said when she finally spoke. “How could anybody have predicted such a horrible thing? There wasn’t any reason for it to happen, there never is. It was traumatic for all of us but instead of reaching out Laurie seems to be holding her feelings in and withdrawing emotionally from everything. It’ll just take her a while longer to deal with it. She needs help, help that I can’t give her, and help that she won’t seek out.”

Bettie sighed. “It’s impossible for me to help her. She absolutely refuses to talk about it and if I try to get her to she just become angrier”

They had reached the kitchen and Bettie began preparing a pot of coffee. When she had finished they sat down at the table.

“How are you holding up, mom?”

“I miss Joe. I miss him terribly. You have to remember that besides all these years we were married, I had known him all my life. We were in a way, always family. I sometimes wake up at night and reach for him, before I realize he’s not there. I’ve cried at night in private for a long time, until I had no more tears to shed. Sometimes I'll even begin fixing breakfast for him before I realize......But Joe wouldn’t want us to keep mourning him. He would have wanted us to get on with our lives.”

“Easier said than done,” Angela said quietly.

“I know, dear.” Bettie replied sympathetically. “But we’re getting there. That’s why I’ve asked Dag and Glenn to come over and help decorate the house. I think it’ll do us all some good if we start thinking about the holidays.”

“Yeah, I think Suzie will get a kick out of that. She’s really looking forward to seeing Santa Claus today. Laurie thinks we should be telling her the truth about Santa.”

“What truth is that?” Bettie asked.

“You know, about him not being real.”

Bettie made a face. “She’s only five. She’ll find out soon enough.”

As if on cue, Suzie entered the kitchen.

“Can we go now? Can we go, mama?” Suzie asked excitedly.

“Sure, sweetie,” Angela replied getting up from the table. Bettie stood up also.

“Come here and give, Grandma a hug,” Bettie said holding out her arms. Suzie ran over and wrapped her arms around Bettie.

“You can go too, grandma! You can go with us to see Santa!”

“That’s a good idea, Suzie” Angela chimed in. “Why don’t you go with us, mom? We can see Santa, do some shopping, and have lunch. You need to be getting out some yourself.”

“Please Grandma. Please go with us.” Suzie coaxed as she tugged at Bettie’s sleeve.

Bettie chuckled. “Okay, you’ve talked me into it. It’ll be fun.”

“Yay!” yelled Suzie, and she ran off towards the front door. Bettie smiled, as both she and Angela followed behind Suzie.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

By the time Laurie returned to the house at ten o’clock that evening, it was mostly dark, except for a single light in the living room her mother had left on to light her way. She was glad everybody had gone to bed. Both her mom and Angela would play twenty questions asking about her day, and Angela would once again be a little bit upset because she had stayed at the hospital so long again. The truth was that the surgery she had performed had been over hours ago. She had just dawdled in the cafeteria, checking on her patient in recovery four or five times when once would have been sufficient. She was just being conscientious she had told herself, but Laurie knew that was a lie. It had become a habit to delay going home as long as she possibly could. She was now viewing coming home to Devonshire as a mistake. She had done so to be there for Bettie, to help her through a tough time. But every time she saw her mother, all she felt was guilt over the part she had played in her father’s death, and what her mother had lost because of it.

In the kitchen, she quickly poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at the table, in the dark. She thought about watching television, but with Christmas being just a few days away, the last thing Laurie wanted to watch was a bunch of Christmas themed shows or commercials coaxing her to get in the Christmas spirit. It would be better if they didn’t have to celebrate Christmas at all. It was another constant reminder of her father. It had been his favorite time of the year.

Laurie wasn’t sure how long she had sat there sipping on her coffee when Angela came walking quietly in. She didn’t bother to turn on the light just as her mother hadn’t the night before.

“I thought you would be asleep,” Laurie told her as she watched Angela pour her self a cup of coffee.

She didn’t answer right away but waited until Angela was seated at the counter.

“I only was able to convince Suzie to go to sleep a little while ago. She was still excited about having seen Santa Claus and all the Christmas presents we bought.”

“Well, at least it will be a Merry Christmas for her. She’s too young to fully realize how much things have changed.”

“Why do things have to change? Your mother is here. The rest of your family will be here Christmas Day. Laurie, your father would have wanted us to be celebrating Christmas, not continue to mourn him. And for that matter, your mother went with us and had a terrific time. I think even she is getting into the Christmas spirit.”

“Well, I’m glad of that,” Laurie answered. “Or maybe she’s just covering up her real feelings.”

Angela remembered what Bettie had told her early that day about crying alone in her room sometimes. Yet, she was sure that Bettie hadn’t been covering up anything. She had truly enjoyed the shopping trip with her and Suzie. Angela didn’t bother replying to Laurie.

“So, what did Suzie ask Santa to bring her?” Laurie asked.

Angela was quiet for a long time, not sure if she should even tell Laurie what had happened. “Well, it was a difficult moment for all of us. She asked Santa to let her grandpa come home from heaven for Christmas.”

“Great, just great,” Laurie said angrily. “I told you we should tell her the truth about Santa. Now she wants the impossible! And what exactly did Santa tell her!”

“Don’t raise your voice, Laurie. He told her there were just some things even Santa couldn’t do. It’s okay.”

“Well, I think after this year we should start being honest with her. She’s way too old for such nonsense.”

Angela decided not to argue the point as she had done earlier. Especially since she didn’t tell Laurie that Suzie hadn’t given up.

Angela got up to pour herself some more coffee. Her cup was still half full, but she wanted to avoid telling Laurie the rest of the story.

“But you will try, won’t you Santa?” Suzie had pressed Santa. “Even if you can’t you just have to try.”

The department store Santa had looked at Suzie not knowing what to say. “We’ll see what we can do,” was all he had told her. “But I can’t promise you Suzie. So don’t be disappointed if Santa can’t bring him home.”

“I won’t, Santa!” she had said climbing down off his lap. “Thank you Santa, thank you.” Although he had told Suzie he couldn’t promise anything, she had still taken his word as gold.

Angela returned reluctantly to the counter and decided to change the subject. “Do you have to work tomorrow?” she asked.

“No," Laurie answered. Then quickly added, "But I may have to go into the hospital to check on some patients.”

“Glenn and Dag are coming over with their kids to decorate the house for Christmas and put up a tree. With you working all the time, Mom was afraid that you and I wouldn’t have the time to do it, and she can’t do it alone. I’m sure they are looking forward to you being here also.”

“Do you really think we should be putting up Christmas decorations after everything that has happened? What’s the point? I mean sometimes you and mom act like everything’s the same. Well it isn’t, and it will never be the same again.”

Angela took a deep breath, trying to control her anger. Somehow she managed to speak softly. “Look, Laurie, I’ll say this again. I know you’re hurting. We all are. But you can’t mourn your father forever. He wouldn’t have wanted that. He would have wanted us to celebrate just as if he were here. You know how much he loved the holidays.”

“It’s just too soon, Angela. I think we should have more respect, that’s all.”

“I can’t think of any better way to show our respects for your father than doing what your mom and I know he would want us to do, and that’s to keep on living. I think you know that too Laurie, and the sooner you start to come to terms with it the better for all of us, especially Suzie. I’m going to bed. You can stay up and do whatever it is you’re going to do.”

Without saying another word, and not giving a chance for Laurie to respond, Angela left the kitchen and headed upstairs. She wanted to cry, but she knew she couldn’t. It would serve no purpose. The truth was she wanted their life back the way it was. She wanted to be back in their home in Los Angeles, lying in their bed, lying in each others arms. She wanted her weekends back, when along with their daughter Suzie they would spend many hours at the beach, the movies, the zoo, Disneyland, and many other places. But most of all Angela wanted them to have another child, and then one after that just as they had planned. She loved Laurie, loved her with all of her heart, but if things didn’t change soon…..

“If things didn’t change soon, then what?” Angela thought to herself. “Would she be forced to leave, along with Suzie? Would she have the courage to do so, even though she loved Laurie with every ounce of her being? Would such a move shock Laurie enough to break down the wall Laurie had built around herself?”

Whatever the questions were, Angela didn’t have the answers. And they didn’t need to be answered now anyway. She quickly put on a nightgown, climbed under the covers, and fell into a deep sleep.

In the kitchen, Laurie continued to sip on her coffee. The fact was Angela would never and could never understand what she was going through. Neither could her mother or anyone else. How could they? They didn’t understand. Joe should never have been there that night. He didn’t want to be there, and only Laurie’s childish nagging and pouting had convinced him to go totally against his will. If it hadn’t been for that, her father would still be alive. In her mind, she was as guilty as the man who had pulled the trigger.

The idea of decking the halls with boughs of holly made her stomach churn. She had no operations scheduled, and Angela knew that. Laurie would have to find some other reason to escape the festivities as much as she possibly could. Wearily she put her cup in the dishwasher and crept upstairs to confront her nightmare once again.

(To Be Continued)

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE YOUR JOURNEY THROUGH LAURIE'S WONDERFUL LIFE

Previewing Laurie's Wonderful Life

2009-08-17T00:34:00.000-07:00

In late 2005, things were not all that great in my life. I had finished Laurie and Dag way back in June, and had lost any desire at all to write anymore Sims tales or much of anything else. Part of it was that I had poured my heart and soul into the Laurie and Dag project only to have it met with derision, and the other reason was that because I had put so much of myself into those stories, I had burned myself out.

By that fall my mother had taken very ill, and I wasn’t even sure if I would be able to fly back to Ohio to see her. But by November, I finally was able to. From the very beginning of the visit, it was quite apparent that this would be the last time I would be with her before she passed away. She had suffered a number of strokes over the years and had been confined to a bed in a nursing home for a long time. She could speak, but was hard to understand and it was often frustrating and difficult for both of us to communicate. But let there be no mistake about the fact that despite her many handicaps, she still had entire use of her faculties.

I would spend most of the day sitting with her and we would watch a lot of television. Often, it was a DVD or a movie on one of the limited selection of channels that she had. Sometimes though, she would watch the Cooking Channel or some other show that didn’t really interest me. It was during these times that my mind would wander and I would begin to think about why things happen the way they do and why they turned out the way they did.

Did you ever stop to think about the many decisions you have made in your life that if you had done them differently, your life may have taken a completely different path. Take me as an example. If I had not married wife number one, would there ever have been a wife number two? Or a wife number three for that matter? Or would wife number two simply have become wife number one? But how would I have met her since it was wife number one who wanted so desperately to move back to her home town and that is where I eventually met Mrs. Clyde II? As you can tell, you could play this game for hours if you just think of one incident or one decision you made and change it completely to alter the path that you had followed.

During this period of time that I spent with my mother, I also had lots of time to begin to think about my own mortality. I guess we all do at times like that. Dying is not something that I’m particularly afraid of. We all have to go sometime, sooner or later, so we might as well make the best of things while we are here and not worry about what happens after we are gone because let me tell you, the situation is completely out of our hands. Oh, we can possibly extend our longevity if we do certain things and take certain precautions. But it is certainly no guarantee of anything. Just because we smoke, it doesn’t guarantee that we will get lung cancer, although it does increase the odds that we will. And just because we don’t smoke it doesn’t absolutely guarantee that our lungs won’t end up as a shriveled mass of cancerous cells. There just aren’t any guarantees about anything.

So in that week I spent with my mother, I came to two conclusions. One was that even if you could go back in time and change something in your life, that doesn’t guarantee things will be better. And the second thing is that if we all came out of our mother’s womb with the word’s “Unconditional Money Back Guaranteed” tattooed on our behinds, life would be a whole lot simpler. If things weren’t going so well, then we could all just take a mulligan and try again.

During that week I spent with mom, it was also approaching the Christmas season. The two best known Christmas stories of all time also just happen to deal with these same matters of life and death. Those stories are Dicken’s A Christmas Carol, and Frank Capra’s It’s A Wonderful Life. In A Christmas Carol, it is the ghosts who travel with Scrooge through time to remind him of what his life was like, what it could have been, what it should have been, and what it could still become. In It’s A Wonderful Life, George Bailey is given the opportunity by angel Clarence Oddbody to see what life would have been like if he had never been born.

So in the evenings, when I would leave the nursing home, I would end up at my sister’s home and on her computer with a lot of time on my hands. I had always wanted to do a Christmas Story of some kind or another and using It’s A Wonderful Life as an inspiration, I managed to put together this story, Laurie’s Wonderful Life. By the time my week with my mother came to a close and I had to fly back to California, I had also finished the text of the story.

I don’t feel bad about using the premise of It’s A Wonderful Life for my Sims story. The same premise has been used a gazillion times in other TV movies and endless episodes of TV series. It had also been remade at one time with Marlo Thomas playing the Jimmy Stewart role in a TV movie so Laurie wasn’t even the first female to have taken over the role. But once you get past the basic premise, Laurie’s story differs in many ways.

This is not a total rehash of It’s A Wonderful Life as the latter part of Dag’s Courtship of Eddie’s Father was. In the beginning it is darker in tone than one might expect. It is certainly far darker than the original and a lot harsher in the beginning than anything I have ever written. And I mean that in every sense of the word. But you have to remember that the subject matter is far more serious in the early going, and you also have to remember that it often reflected my own pent up emotions and anger at times. There are going to be those of you who will understand it, and some of you will not. Even when I greatly edited the original text so that the story would pass the censorship of the Sims 2 site, it was not exactly greeted with open arms and was the worst received story of the three that I wrote.

Yet, in the end, it could also turn out to be the best. It’s not for me to judge. It once and for all brings closure to what I now call the Baker Family Trilogy. And here for the first time, you can read the restored text that I removed so that the story would conform to the TOS of The Sims 2 web site. Be forewarned that when I do post Act One, it is not recommended for those bothered by extreme violence, or those bothered by the occasional expletive. It is not recommended for anyone under the age of thirteen.

I had some doubts about what to do with Laurie’s Wonderful Life. I had thoughts of storing it away and never using it again. It would have enabled me to write about the Baker’s once again if I so desired to. But I decided that this is their story and this is how it ends.

I also thought about holding the story until Christmas, but I honestly think the fact that the story takes place during that time of year has little to do with the over all themes. It just so happens that it takes place around the Holiday Season just as the original film happens to begin and end during that time of year.

As for my mother, I have always wondered what she would think about many of the things I have written. I know she wouldn’t care for most of the political items that I have written on my other blog. She was a staunch Republican but I’m not sure how she got that way. Well, come to think of it I do but I won’t delve into that.

I’m not sure what she would think about the Baker saga or even if any of it would have interested her. She might have liked The Kid & Me, and she might have liked Dag’s part of the story of Laurie & Dag. I know she liked the movie it was based on. I’m not sure what she would think of Laurie’s Wonderful Life at all. My mother never had the opportunity to read any of these things I started writing here or in various places around the internet. She was no longer capable of reading on her own and had to be read to. However, Just a few short weeks after I returned home from that visit with her, and just a few days before her birthday, I received the dreaded phone call.

I’m glad I was able to spend that week with my mom. Maybe if there is a God or a heaven, then possibly she is now able to read this and know that my inspiration for it came from her. Since that time, I have often returned my thoughts to things I could change in my past if I could. But like George Bailey, and like Laurie, I’m not sure it would be such a good thing to be able to do. But that is something none of us will really ever know, so you better make the right choices the first time around.

On a final note, it won't be absolutely necessary to read my other two stories on here to read Laurie's Wonderful Life. The problem is that by the time you hit the third act, you will be completely lost as to how the events that are unfolding relate to past events. However, I have tried to include a quick run down of a few of the characters as how to relate to Laurie's Wonderful Life within the story itself. At any rate, Act One should be up within a few days.

Click here to proceed to Act One of Laurie's Wonderful Life.

Laurie & Dag: The Story Behind The Story Part IV

2009-08-17T00:04:00.000-07:00

(Warning: This article recounts how I developed and where the story ideas for Laurie and Dag came from. It does contain numerous spoilers. If you intend to read my stories, then you can start by using the links on the right to navigate to The Kid & Me Part One where it all began. Thanks for stopping by)

One of the most important characters in Laurie and Dag is somebody that is never seen, never speaks, but there is no denying her impact. I’m talking of course about Norma Riley. The influence of Norma and what happened to her very much affected many of the decisions Laurie had made over the years. In the original version that I wrote and uploaded to The Sims 2 web site, Norma in fact did try to commit suicide but was unsuccessful and she along with her family moved to another town.

The following is the text from the original:

I walked into the bathroom to get into my suit, slamming the door behind me.

“Hey! I didn’t mean it that way,” she hollered at me through the door. I don’t care who a woman dates. But in this town, at our school, it would not be a wise course of action. You remembered what happened to Norma Riley don’t you?”

I knew exactly what she was talking about. In junior high, a rumor had gotten around that Norma Riley was gay. She had been caught kissing a girl from another school underneath the bleachers in the gym. They insisted they had only done it on a dare, but from that day forward, Norma’s life became the constant butt of every awful gay joke one could think of, along with the usual awful taunts such as, “Hey, here comes queer Norma!” In the locker room, when Norma would walk in the girls would cover up with a towel and holler, “Cover up, Norma might get an idea!” I hated the cruelty and lack of conscience in so many of the kids that occupied our school and probably most other schools."

The town I lived in had always been backwards and closed minded in its way of thinking. The most telltale sign of just how backward the people in this town were was that sixty six percent of them had voted for Bush. Eventually, Norma had a nervous breakdown and tried to commit suicide by splitting her wrists. The student body was given a strong lecture at a special assembly but as usual most of it had gone in one ear and out the other. Afterwards, Norma had not returned to school, and her family left town.

This is the version I wrote for this blog:

I knew exactly what she was talking about. In our last year at junior high, a rumor had gotten around that Norma Riley was gay, or as the kids put it at that time, a lesbo. She had been caught kissing a girl from another school underneath the bleachers in the gym. They insisted they had only done it on a dare, but from that day forward, Norma’s life became the constant butt of every awful gay slur one could think of, along with the usual awful taunts such as, “Hey, here comes Norma Van Dyke!” In the locker room, when Norma would walk in the girls would cover up with a towel and holler, “Cover up, we don’t want to give Norma any ideas!” Or sometimes one of the girls would drop a towel and ask, "Hey Van Dyke, do you think I'm hot?" And those were the lesser of the vulgarities they would taunt her with. Finally too afraid and unable to tell her parents or the faculty, Norma ended the cruelty herself by splitting her wrists on the fifty yard line of the football field late one night.

Of course, her parents and the faculty would be forever searching for the reasons why. And even though the students knew, nobody was talking including yours truly. I don't know how many of the kids actually felt guilty over what had happened but I did. I had nightmares about it for what seemed like an eternity. I could have tried to stop it as well as anybody but in the end had done nothing for fear of being labeled with the same stigma and suffering the same fate. Nothing was worth going through that hell.

I think you can understand why I rewrote it. One of the advantages of uploading the story to this blog was that I could hit a little harder whereas on The Sims 2 site, I always had to make allowances to fit in with their criteria. But still, if I were writing strictly for and older teen and adult audience, or writing the story as a real novel, there would undoubtedly be even more changes.

I also changed the way Laurie had presented the story at graduation. Laurie didn’t mention the girl she was referring to by name in the original version, and of course the fact that Norma had lived made that possible. In the rewritten version, I just felt that if Laurie was going to bring up the incident, she would do it in a way so that there would be no doubt as to whom Norma was and what had happened. It was the only way that Laurie could get rid of some of her own demons.

So how did Angela come to be? In the outline of the story she did not have a name. She was simply “Laurie develops a crush on classmate.” It was to be an integral part of the story. The only problem was, I wasn’t sure how to write it at first but sometimes these things just take care of themselves.

I had read many stories of gays and lesbians and their first relationship with somebody of the same sex. Sometimes it happened late in life, sometimes as early as junior high school (Norma again.) In a few stories, some of these relationships started in a similar fashion as the relationship between Laurie and Angela did. One usually knows they are gay, the other friend thinks they might be gay and sometimes things develop from there, but more often they do not. It was kind of strange as I was writing the scenes between Angela and Laurie because even in my imagination they seemed so simpatico. It was completely different than any relationship Laurie had experienced. And although she couldn’t acknowledge it, there was no doubt that Laurie had fallen in love, as Angela had with her.

I always wondered how I would have handled the situation if Angela hadn’t moved away. We know the first kiss they shared was in a moment of anguish, but would Angela have ever worked up the nerve to tell Laurie she was gay? It would be something to explore and if I ever write Laurie’s story as a novel, I would give some thought to changing it although having Angela leave certainly was necessary to give Laurie a chance to come to terms with her own feelings.

Many parents do not readily accept the fact that their child is homosexual. Although I have no statistics at hand, I would guess that the percentage that don’t is much higher than those who do. It was suggested to me that the way Joe and Bettie handled the fact that Laurie was a Lesbian is not what most teenagers face. I’ll agree with that. But you have to remember that I wrote Joe and Bettie to be a certain way even in The Kid & Me. They were both very progressive in their thinking and it would not have been true to their characters for them to go bonkers when they found out about Laurie.

However, by having Angela become such a major character, I was able to use her parents, Phil and Louise, to show what happens in a great many homes when a teenager is discovered to be gay. So I thought it balanced out the story quite well.

And then in at least the following instance, my own personal life played apart in writing the story.

I was dating a woman some years ago who had a teenage daughter. We’ll call the woman Sally and the daughter Gertie. It was quite obvious to me that Gertie could possibly be a Lesbian. When Gertie finally did tell her Sally, Sally blamed herself, cried a lot, wondered what she did wrong and all of that stuff. No talking on my part would convince her otherwise. What was one of the things that had made me suspect Gertie was Lesbian?

When we had moved to another town, Gertie had stayed behind with a “friend” in order to finish her junior year of high school. When she came down for the summer to visit, she very much wanted to go see the movie, Personal Best and in fact was very emphatic about seeing it. (Yeah, I know. A bell just went off in your head, didn’t it?) Sally had to work during the day so it was necessary for me to take Gertie there by way of city transit, especially since Gertie had no clue as to what the bus routes were.

As it turned out, the film was only playing at one of those out of the way art houses that play films that generally aren’t screened at the multiplexes. Well, just sitting there watching some of those scenes with Gertie made me very uncomfortable (just as it did Bettie) and the reaction of Gertie was about the same as Laurie’s. The ending totally pissed her off and from that point on I pretty much knew for sure and on her next visit home, she let the cat out of the bag to Sally.

In the story I had uploaded to The Sims 2, the scene with Bettie and Laurie watching Personal Best was not in it because I didn’t think including it would pass the muster so to speak because it was an R rated film. But I paid homage to the film in that version because I gave Laurie’s counselor the name, Chris Cahill, in reference to Muriel Hemingway’s character in the movie. I also took a real life event and used it as one of those things that gave Bettie reason to suspect Laurie was a lesbian. In fact, the whole idea of Bettie being the one to bring it out in the open was based on another true story I had read.

In many of the stories I have read on the official Sims 2 site, you will find that having unprotected Sex and having babies out of wedlock is just one big party. There are very few stories if any of what the consequences of these actions often are. I tried to address this in a small way in The Kid & Me, when the first time Joe has unprotected sex, he gets someone pregnant. Those of you who read that story know what that led to.

I have to say it really did bother me that so many teens pictured their first night of sex as some glorious experience with fireworks going off and pure ecstasy. I suppose so, as each and every person is different although experts say that’s more of an exception than the rule of thumb.. That’s the main reason why I downplayed Joe and Bettie’s wedding night in The Kid & Me, because it was her first time, and since she was the first person Joe had ever made loved to that he was in love with, he was nervous also.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m about as far away from being a prude as you can get. But on the other hand, there’s no use trying to hurry young teens into adulthood by constantly glamorizing the event. But I also know that teens will be teens, which is why I think that teaching abstinence only without teaching methods of birth control is not just useless, but dangerous and deadly. Because when push comes to shove, when those hormones take over, when a girl in love thinks she just has to, she isn't always going to give a jolly rat's squat about any purity ring someone is wearing or some vow of chastity she may have taken to score points with the Reverend down at the local church. To many teens, as long as they don't do "it", there's a whole list of other things they can participate in and in their minds still remain technically a virgin.

I had made up my mind to address some of these issues in Laurie and Dag also, such as what happens when you have unprotected sex. And that is where Gail came in. I always wanted her relationship with Chuck to be on the crappy side because I knew that despite her dreams of becoming a football star’s wife, she was going to have to deal with reality eventually. So as Laurie’s story went along, I hinted whenever I could that Gail was headed for trouble. And those of you who have read it know what happened.

The funny thing was, as I approached that part of the story I gave serious thought to dropping it. I did not really feel like getting into a debate about a woman’s right to chose because you’re totally wasting your breath in that argument anyway. Plus by that time I was getting a bunch of emails griping about the direction Laurie’s story had taken and dealing with that was beginning to wear me down. On the exchange, the two parts of the story that were downrated the worse was the chapter in which Laurie tells Kurt she is a lesbian, and the chapter dealing with Gail’s problem. Coincidence? I think not.

But I felt it was important that there be at least one story on the exchange that demonstrated what having unprotected sex could lead to, but if it does happen there are choices that can be made and that every woman should have the right to make that choice regardless of how many Jordin Sparks there are out there holding up signs. And after spending so much time building up to what happened, it would have been kind of stupid not to go ahead with it.

The only other allowance I made for The Sims 2 about Gail’s problem was to make it clear that she had already turned 18. The truth is, I wanted her to be seventeen, and no I don’t believe in parental notification laws because many anti-choice advocates want all or nothing. With many of these so called parental notification laws, a girl often has to have the permission of her parents, regardless of whether or not they are abusive to her. With some of these laws that have passed (but never upheld although it could be now with the new supreme court), a girl who is raped or is carrying the child of their stepfather or father would actually be required to go to him to get permission to have an abortion.

At least one person wrote to tell me they weren’t happy with the way the Gail/Laurie relationship worked out at the end of the story. She never said exactly why she didn’t like it, but I’m thinking that she thought Gail should have just kept on walking. For her, the reconciliation was too fast and too easy. Perhaps, but even if she had kept on walking, Gail would eventually have to reconcile with Laurie one way or another. They had been best friends for life and Laurie had helped Gail in her most urgent hour of need.

Let’s face it, the climax of the story was really Laurie outing her self at the commencement exercises. To go off on another long storyline at that point just to reconcile the two just wouldn’t have worked for me. The quick reconciliation did although it does have roots in another film that I was inspired by.

Do you remember Prom night, when Laurie and Gail are in Laurie’s room having their girl talk? At first, Laurie is looking out the window, contemplating her future, and unbeknownst to you, probably contemplating what will happen at graduation. She thinks Gail is asleep but as it turns out she is not, and they end up having their talk, one on one or girl to girl whichever way you want to phrase it. The inspiration for this chat, Gail not finding out about Laurie until her valedictorian speech, and the reconciliation all were inspired by a sequence in a film called The Trouble with Angels.

In the film, Hayley Mills and June Harding play two teenage girls who have been going to a private Catholic boarding school run by nuns. Hayley plays Mary Clancy, who is constantly getting into trouble and causing trouble, and June plays her sidekick and follower Rachael Devereaux. The film actually covers a three year period, and as each year goes by we watch as the girls steadily mature from prank playing sophomores to mature young adults. If you’ve never seen the film the following is a major spoiler so you may skip it if you please.

Without going into the long whys and wherefores, Mary is thinking about becoming a nun, although like Rachael we don’t know this. Just before graduation, Mary and Rachael have a similar talk such as the one Laurie and Gail had about their future. It is obvious that Mary wants to tell Rachael of her decision, but is unable to (partly because the writer and director wanted to keep the audience guessing for a while longer) Just as the girls are about to graduate, an announcement is made as to which girls are going to enter the convent, and Rachael finds out just as we do. Not understanding why Mary would become a nun, Rachael views her as a traitor.

Later, just as Rachael is getting ready to leave on the train, they reconcile at the very last possible moment with a little help from Reverend Mother (Rosalind Russell). So that is where my inspiration for that came from and you can compare what you read to the video. Please note though that in the video between the late night talk and the graduation there is a rather startling event that seals Mary’s decision. I have edited it out but if you want to see it, you can either buy the DVD, rent it, or wait for it to show up on Turner Classic Movies (but I think they lost the rights after the DVD came out.) But again, watch it while you can because you never know how long these things are going to stay up. Although the clips are quite different from what I wrote as they would be considering the two very different story lines, there is no doubt that you can see how I was inspired.

It was early in the writing of Laurie and Dag that I came up with the idea of Laurie coming out at her graduation. I was a bit troubled though, because I was afraid that too many people would not believe that someone would actually do such a thing. Finally, I did find the story of someone who had done something similar. It was a girl who had come out in front of the whole school, but I believe it was at an assembly and not graduation. So finding that out did ease my mind quite a bit, especially if someone were to question it.

And guess what. That’s about all I can think of right now so this pretty much wraps up my look back at Laurie and Dag. Of course, if you have any comments please feel free to leave them and I will do my best to respond. Or you can write to me at clydesplace@hotmail.com.

So where do I go from here? I want to write a new story with new characters but it is going to take some time to get started. I have decided to go ahead and post the other story that I wrote about Laurie and the Baker family, starting with a preview. So be watching for that. Thanks once again to each and every one of you who have read these stories either here or at The Sims 2. I appreciate each and everyone of you, and I hope that you will enjoy Laurie’s Wonderful Life also. You can click on the picture to go to the preview of Laurie's Wonderful Life.

Laurie & Dag: The Story Behind the Story Part III

2009-08-16T23:57:00.000-07:00

(Author's Notes: This is a look back at how I created the story Laurie and Dag. WARNING! There will be spoilers if you haven't read the stories. If you would like to read the entire saga you can start with The Kid and Me by using the links in the right hand margin. Thanks for stopping by.)

As I have mentioned previously, when I was putting The Kid & Me up on the official site, it took quite a while to gain an audience. As a matter of fact, I may not have had more than two or three people reading it at all for the first two or three segments. Eventually it did find its audience even thought for a Sims story it was quite lengthy.

By lengthy I don’t mean that in regards to the number of chapters in the story. There were stories on the exchange that had far more chapters but each of those chapters wouldn’t have but 20 to 40 frames on the average compared to each chapter of The Kid & Me averaging well over a hundred. You would have been very hard pressed to find one that went into the details that I did. I know, I know, compared to a regular novel or even a novella that’s not very much story detail at all but as a Sim story, it was. At any rate, as I neared writing the last few chapters of The Kid & Me, I began to get messages from people telling me how they had started reading and had stayed up all night reading up to where I had left off. That would make any writer feel good.

So when I finally decided to do a sequel, I felt I owed it to everybody who had been loyal to The Kid and had invested a good deal of time in reading it to reward them in some way by using part of the first few chapters to wrap up some loose ends. But I also didn’t want anybody to feel that they were compelled to have to go back and read The Kid & Me to understand what was going on. So it was a tightrope but I think I pulled it off quite well.

The biggest loose ends I needed to wrap up were having Laurie learn the truth about Joe’s relationship with Susan and the circumstances of her birth. I also needed to do something about her grandparents that were mentioned in the first story, although never seen. Having Laurie discover the truth about Joe and her mother wasn’t a problem. I just had Joe tell her just like he should have done in the first place.

In my original outline that I made for the story, Laurie’s grandparents were actually still alive. I had this whole plot established where the grandparents would contact Laurie and she would go to see them against Joe’s wishes. Than being the nutty grandparents that they are, they would keep her there, lock her up in a room, and force her to recant her sins and give herself to God before going to try out for American Idol (sorry, I couldn’t resist the joke. She really wasn’t going to try out for Idol because Laurie can’t sing.). Pretty cool and scary stuff, isn’t it? Later of course, Joe would rescue her and take her home. I wrote 23 pages of this scenario, before I decided it wasn’t working out. As painful as it was, I had to simply disregard all that work.

The problem was that in order to sneak off and see her grandparents it required Laurie to do a lot of things that didn’t jive with the character as I had conceived her. It also required Chuck Easterman of all people actually doing a good deed and that I couldn’t have under any circumstances. But more important it was going way off on a tangent that had little or nothing to do with the real story I wanted to tell. But I still felt that I needed something to explain away the mysterious grandparents. What was in the story is what I finally came up with, and I think it works as well as can be expected. It is one of those incidents that help define Laurie’s character as she continues to mature. One bit of trivia though is the fact that the two elderly sims in the picture at the grandparents home are the two sims I created for the roles.

As for the house itself, it was one that I found on The Sims 2 site but I had to make a lot of modifications in it. In order to get the pictures of the crucifixion on the wall, I had to drop some Sims onto that lot and have them paint them individually. (You can have Sims paint practically anything you have a photograph of on your hard drive. Easier to do now then it was back then though). As for the room where Laurie found the diary and the photographs, all the stacks of papers and the chest Laurie examined had to be photo shopped in as well as the stacks of boxes. The notebook though was her Diary. Sims can write in their Diary at anytime or anywhere. And on a final note regarding that segment, the person you see Joe carrying out of the house is not Laurie. It was a double wearing the same clothes. An adult Sim can leap into another adult Sim's arms, but a teen Sim cannot. Well, they can now because there is a hack that enables them to do so. There wasn't one then and I had a helluva time figuring out how I was going to pull off something I thought was essential to the success of the story. No amount of manipulation would get the job done, and I was about to give up until the idea for the body double suddenly hit me.

And then there was Bettie having a baby on the highway. That may not have been absolutely necessary for this story but it was something I had wanted to do in the last chapter of The Kid and Me with Joe delivering his and Bettie’s first child. As it turned out, I didn’t think I could pull it off as far as the pictures were concerned.

It would have taken a whole lot of manipulation of the Sims and some photo shopping to get it to work. So weighing all of those factors, I decided to reluctantly drop it because I felt I was getting myself into something I couldn’t handle. By the time I started to write Laurie & Dag though, I thought I had gained enough experience in manipulating Sims to pull it off.

I managed to do so, but it was every bit as difficult to do as I thought it would be. For one thing, I had to make it look like Bettie was actually laying down to have the baby. Then I had to be able to put the baby where it needed to be. If you’ve played the game, then you know that when Sims have babies, they have them standing up. They let out with one big scream, one big moan and then the infant falls out of the sky into the mother’s loving arms. Well, it could be a father’s loving arms but that’s a different story altogether.

The other problem was that Sims did not own cars. The only vehicles the game had at that time were service delivery vehicles, a taxi, and the cars from the car pool which ran the gamut from a beat up old wreck to actually having a helicopter whisk them away to work if they had reached the top level of their career.

But, thanks to hackers, you could put these vehicles into your catalog and haul them out for use as needed although they were only meant to be props. In order to get Sims to sit in them, or even look like they were sitting in them, you had to maneuver car and Sim until you achieved the desired effect.

One way that worked (sometimes) was to command them to sit in a chair, on a couch, or somewhere else. Then you would simply pause the game, use a move objects cheat (In regular game play you can’t pick Sims up) and then place the Sim in the car. Sometimes it would work and sometimes it wouldn’t. Other times you would just have the Sim stand with their feet going through the bottom of the car and try to photograph it in such a way to make it look like something it wasn’t. As you can see in one of the photographs, there are a lot of things Sims can only do while standing such as using the cell phone. After manipulating Laurie while she was on the cell phone, I ended up just having Angela get out of the car after Laurie gives her the cell phone because I had troubles enough maneuvering Laurie and Bettie.

When the nightlife expansion pack came out though, Sims were finally bestowed with the ability to own and drive cars. But even now if I were to do a car scene, it would probably require some manipulation.

Where did the inspiration come from for Bettie to have her baby in a car? Probably from a hundred movies and several hundred TV shows. Everybody has done that scenario at one time or another but I had not seen it in a Sims story before. However, my favorite baby being born in a car scene is the one that takes place in the movie, The Thrill of it All. In this film, Doris Day is stuck in a limousine with Arlene Francis who is about to give birth and her husband who is played by Edward Andrews and that is probably where most of my inspiration came from with the reactions of Angela’s Father being somewhat similar to those of Edward Andrews although Andrews is way funnier in his role.

Another thing I wanted to do in the early stages of Laurie and Dag and have never been able to tell if I was successful or not was to build up to the fact that Laurie was gay step by step so that it wouldn’t be clear or even an issue in the early going of the story. I wanted people to think of her as just an average but heterosexual teenager. I think it was successful up to a point, but if you’ve ever been on The Sims 2 site, you know there is not much that is secretive and word soon got around regarding “the story with the teen lesbian.” But still, my point was to show that when you realize that Laurie is a lesbian, she is no different from the Laurie you thought was heterosexual.

Before writing Laurie and Dag, I gave some thought to writing it in the third person. As a matter of fact, I thought it would be absolutely necessary that I do so seeing as how there would be so many different characters and events at different times. The problem was that I had no confidence in my third person writing skills. Part of my success with The Kid & Me was that I was able to get inside Joe’s head so that you knew what he was thinking and feeling at all times. To me, it was important that even when Joe was doing things most of us would frown on, it was necessary for everybody to understand his motives in order to sympathize with him at all. I finally decided that I could do Laurie and Dag in the first person, and was able to get around my problem by making it clear at the beginning in Laurie’s forward, that this was a story being written by family members. Each family member would then relate the events that happened to the best of their recollection. Of course if I had realized at the beginning that Laurie’s story should have been written separately, I never would have had that problem either. I think it worked itself out okay, although it is probably a device that would be better suited for a film rather than narrative story telling.

Then there was the biggest deviation of all from the outline that I had written. In it I remember that I wrote, “Laurie develops crush on class mate.” My original intention of course was to never have that crush go anywhere and for Laurie to worship the girl from afar. But as I developed and wrote the character of Angela, all of that went flying out the window. More about that next time.

Click here to read the fourth and final part of The Story Behind the Story.

Laurie & Dag: The Story Behind The Story Part II

2009-08-16T23:54:00.001-07:00

Having decided what Dag’s story would be, I still had to come up with something for Laurie. If I wanted to do a serious story with her Sim, there were several subject matters for me to choose from.

One of the first ideas I had was doing a story about abortion. In fact, it was in the first story from that one fifties movie which I can’t mention because I may give it a go one of these days yet. But, sometimes things being iffy as far as content goes at the Sims2, I don’t know if they would let a story about a teen having an abortion get by. Certainly there would be a lot of complaints about it and when push comes to shove, I would have been the one that lost out. If the story was hidden or banned, all my work would be for naught. (as it was, a year after I posted the story that I did write, somebody got ants up their pants and several chapters of Laurie and Dag were hidden from view. Also at the time I originally wrote the story I was not sure if there was another venue where the story could find an audience.)

There wasone story I had read that had two teen male characters who were gay. That was commendable, but unfortunately the author had made them out to be the exaggerated caricatures we have always seen over the years courtesy of Hollywood.

I have known many gay people and in fact shared a home with one, and none of the gays or lesbians I knew fit the stereotypes they are often portrayed as. Coincidentally, this was taking place right after the 2004 election when Bush and his religious right supporters had used the Gay Marriage issue to help keep him in office. So I decided that I wanted to write a story about a gay teen, in this case Laurie, and what it must be like to grow up knowing all the prejudices and ridicule you are going to face in the world. How would one cope with that?

There was just one big enormous problem. I really was clueless about the subject matter. Sure, I knew how I felt about gay issues, but how does someone write about something they really haven’t experienced?

So I began to research and to read. Facts are easy to come by. Statistics are easy to come by. But facts and statistics don’t tell the story. It is those personal first hand stories that grab your attention and hold you spellbound. One of the most compelling web sites I visited was one in which each person told their individual stories about finding out they were gay, and how they came out.

I read many of them and it’s surprising how they often they seemed the same, yet were different in so many ways. Many, like Laurie, thought they were gay at an early age or experienced longings to be with another woman and only women. Often they would try to deny it, or weren’t even sure what their sexual identity was. Others were also bi-sexual. Many gays and lesbians would stay in unhappy heterosexual relationships for years rather than accept the fact that they were gay.

Some of the more heart wrenching stories I read were of adults who finally after twenty or thirty years come out of the closet. Often they lamented the years they had wasted trying to be something they were not. There were many stories of those whose families would disown them or have nothing to do with them any longer. Sometimes after many years their attitudes would change, but just as often they would not.

The worst stories were of those who had been harassed, tortured and even murdered simply because of their sexual identity. The two stories that stuck with me the most were that of Scotty Joe Weaver and Matthew Shepherd. Still there are so many others where people have been murdered and beaten, yet the religious right still to this day is fighting to have hate crimes against homosexuals excluded from the Hate Crimes Act.

But there were also many happy stories of those who found joy in lifetime relationships. There were stories of those who readily accepted they were gay, lesbian, or bi. But the fact remained that while they found happiness in their relationships, in most states they are still not afforded the same rights as a heterosexual couple. In other state states such as Ohio laws were being passed that would actually take away some of the rights afforded to the gay community by making it illegal for even private corporations to offer gay couples benefits.

By the time I had finished my research, I knew just one thing. That perhaps if the story would touch one person, or if it would somehow enlighten even one person, then all the hard work would be well worth the effort.

So finally, it was time to begin my outline. Unlike The Kid & Me which was more or less written on the fly, I wanted to make sure that I at least had the story line generally planned beforehand, even if I would have to deviate from it somewhat. To give you an example, in this original storyline, I originally had the story going all the way up to the end of Laurie’s first year of college but before I had finished the first chapter, I had already come up with a new ending, the one that you have read. Then there are the technical aspects of writing a Sims Story.

I had to make sure I had all the Sims I needed. Of course, I already had the Bakers from the previous stories, along with Lawyer Daggett, his wife Erica, and Arcadia. I no longer had Frank as his Sim file had become corrupted but I was ready to try to recreate them. Once again if I had stuck completely to my original outline I would have had to. So using Sims body shop, I created all of the Sims I would need. Of course, having acquired a bit of experience since the first go round, they came out looking quite a bit better than my original batch that I had used in The Kid & Me. This batch included, Andrew Everett, Gail Lyons, Kurt Miller, Chuck Easterman, Marcella Lyons, Elizabeth Schaeffer, Glenn Hamilton, Ronnie Hamilton, Harold Nye, and a few others. I also was able to fix some of the imperfections in Joe, Bettie and Laurie. If you’ve read both stories, you probably noticed the difference in Joe especially. Bettie’s changes were more subtle. As for Laurie, she had only a very few frames in The Kid & Me so I don’t think anybody really noticed.

If you have read some of the more elaborate stories at the Sims 2, a lot of people use what are called sets to photograph their stories, just like in Hollywood. Most of the time these are built on one large lot. The problem is that after a while, you can often tell that all the writer did was change the wall paper on the walls. So I prefer whenever possible to use actually buildings in my stories. I also did this because I felt that by doing so, it would also highlight some of the other creators at The Sims 2 web site.

In The Kid & Me, since about 90 per cent of the story took place at the Baker Home, I didn’t have to build too many of the other buildings. And yes, I did only use a set I built on the back part of the Baker lot for Dag’s stay in the hospital, and for the birth of Bettie and Joe’s first child. I built the two clothing stores I needed in that story, and simply downloaded the rest of the lots off the official web site.

The most elaborate lot I had to use for that story though was the one called Pagoda Park. You certainly will remember that lot which was a major part of the story and The Kid and Me Video. It was made by a someone with the Sim name Cocarica and you can use the link I provided to find it. I have long lost the links to the other few lots I used such as the restaurant where Bettie met Charlene.

Laurie and Dag was a different story. I would need many lots, three of which were absolutely crucial to the story. Some of these included the Elementary School where Dag would teach, the High School that Laurie and her friends attended, and of course the apartment building where Dag would eventually meet up with Ronnie and Glenn. A Sim friend of mine by the name of KiraCm1 had just built and designed the High School for someone else who was writing a story. I asked her if I could use it and she agreed. As if that weren’t enough, she designed and built the grade school from top to bottom saving me a lot of time and effort, and on top of that the apartment building. I can’t tell you how grateful I will always be to her not only for the time and energy that she put into it, but because it enabled me to spend my time developing the story instead of taking care of technical details. Kira had also designed the lot where Joe and Bettie had spent their honeymoon in The Kid & Me. The hospital that I used plus The Beanery were also designed by her. Kira no longer does Sim stuff and I haven’t heard from her in a long while. So if you’re out there somewhere Kira, thanks again for all of your help. You can still view some of her work on this page I believe, although I think you have to be a registered game user to view each lot individually. Sadly, the apartment building and the Beanery where Laurie and Kurt often visited are no longer there but I'm sure I have them in my files somewhere.

When I was originally writing the story I always tried to acknowledge the lots I had used or clothes. Now, I no longer have many of the original lot names or the links to them. Some of them no longer exist. But to everybody who built those lots, please accept my gratitude.

But as you can see, if you want to write a good story using The Sims Game, it takes a lot more work than just writing the text. Is it worth all the trouble? Sometimes it was, while at other times it didn’t seem to be. But all of that aside, I had assembled all the ingredients I needed and it was now time to write the actual story.

Click here to read Part Three of The Story Behind the Story.

Essays: Laurie & Dag - The Story Behind The Story Part I

2009-08-16T23:51:00.000-07:00

Laurie and Dag: The Story Behind the Story
Part I: Dag, Glenn and Ronnie.

(Please Note that if you have not read Laurie and Dag or The Kid & Me, this article contains spoilers. If you are interested in reading the stories, the links are in the right hand column. The story actually begins with The Kid & Me.)

When I finally completed The Kid & Me, I had no interest in immediately starting another story for The Sims 2. It’s not that I didn’t find the experience rewarding but writing a lengthy and in depth story takes an extraordinary amount of time and patience. I’m not talking about the text, but working with and manipulating temperamental Sims can sometimes be a royal pain in the butt. It was not something I was ready to deal with again too quickly because by the time I typed on The End to The Kid, the only thing I was looking forward to was a long break from the rigors of writing.

When I had reached the midway point of The Kid though, I had in fact built up a loyal following and there were many who were urging me to try another story. After just about three weeks, I had begun to recover from the first go round of Sim Storytelling, and began to give some thought of trying again.

I began to consider many different scenarios that I might write about. The only thing I was sure of, or thought I was sure of, is that I didn’t really want to write a sequel. I had so much as said so many times during the writing of The Kid & Me, and planned to stick too that even if I did change the ending of that story at the last minute. Perhaps when I did that, it was my subconscious way of keeping the door open for the characters to return in one form or another.

One of the first ideas I had was to take an old film from perhaps the forties, fifties and sixties and converting or updating it. I think this idea had come about because of the disdain many young people have for any movie that was made before 1990. I remember reading a message from one young person in fact who said they never ever would watch a film that was in black and white. So my idea was to take a film, update it if I had to, see what kind of audience I could get, and then reveal what the film was to prove that yes Virginia, there were movies made before MTV, Vh1, and American Idol, and yes they could in fact entertain you if you would give them a chance.

So having decided on what I wanted to do my next problem was deciding which film to update. A lot of films were automatically eliminated simply because I knew it would be way too difficult to do them in them with Sims. Let me explain. What you can actually do with Sims is limited. They can’t draw a gun, they can’t do stunts, and at that time they couldn’t yet drive a car. (Yes, I know I had them driving a car in the stories I wrote but that took a lot of time and patience to get it to look like that.) However, if you have a good photo shop program and are extremely adept with it, it certainly gave you the opportunity to at least make your Sims look like they were doing something they were not. I had a photo editing program that could do some things, but it was very limited. So a lot of photo shopping was out of the question and honestly, I didn’t care for Sims stories that were overly photo shopped. (Note: With expansion pack of The Sims, they of course gain the ability to do more things, and more items to do them with. Also, as time has gone on, the wonderful hackers like those at Mod the sims2, inseminator and inteeminator, have made what you can do much easier.)

My main hope was to write a story with some teeth, that I would also be able to make a point with. There was one movie based in the fifties that was not only a film but a best selling book. A lot of it was just fluff, but there was one subplot that I thought could be adapted and I could make a point in the process. The only problem was, that subplot was so buried in forties sensibility (Note: The film was made in the fifties. The story took place in the late thirties and early forties) that I didn’t think I could move it into the 21st Century. (Note: Or so I thought. I have since changed my mind and have figured out how to update it. That project may yet see the light of day which is why I am keeping the title under wraps for now.) Undaunted, I began to look around the internet for Sims items from the fifties. I did find some fifties fashions, but I wasn’t sure there were enough to see me through what would be a very long story with many characters, but thought I might be able to get by. What finally did the project in was finding enough thirties type buildings, landscapes, and home furnishings to tell the story and to make everything myself would take way too much time. There were a few things available at the time, but not enough for what I wanted. So that was that.

I don’t know how many films I ran through my head to see if any of them could be converted for the Sims but I know it was quite a few. I had decided that because of the Sims limitations, it was going to more than likely have to be a romantic comedy. Yet, I also had the urge to add a few serious elements. I wanted to write something that even in a small way might be meaningful to someone, somewhere.

So I guess this is what I was thinking about one night when I was playing the Sims game, and playing with the Baker family. Dag had gone off to college in my game play, and Laurie was still a teen. As my Sims Joe and Bettie approached becoming elders, I thought again about The Kid & Me and how well I knew the characters, their lives, their personalities and their motivations since it was my thought process that had brought them to life in the first place. I probably felt the same way about them as Walt Disney did about Mickey Mouse. I finally realized that perhaps it would be better to stick with the Devil I knew instead of the one I didn’t know. The Baker Family would live again, and having made that decision the floodgates of my mind opened up as if a burden had lifted.

I suddenly remembered an old 1963 film that was in a similar vein as The Kid & Me, and other films such as Sleepless in Seattle, and practically every Shirley Temple film you ever saw. In fact, it struck me how similar in some aspects Sleepless in Seattle was to this 1962 film. In Sleepless, which is also one of my favorite romantic comedies, Sam Baldwin (Tom Hanks) is a widower whose son Jonah (Ross Malinger) tries to find him a new wife. Shirley Temple, in her films, was always trying to play matchmaker for some couple so she could be adopted. Of course, in The Kid and Me, there was a chapter where the young Dag did this, but it was only a small part of a bigger story. So the 1962 film I chose was one called The Courtship of Eddie’s Father starring Glenn Ford, Shirley Jones, Ronnie Howard, and Dina Merrill. And now you know why I gave the character the names that I did, except for Dag. She of course took the Shirley Jones role and there was no way that I could possibly change her name to Shirley.

I decided to take the basic premise and expand on it. In the original film, it’s amazing how little we knew about the Jones character. The film actually centered entirely around Glenn Ford and Ronnie Howard (Yes, that Ronnie Howard.) The only time we even saw Jones was when she would come over to visit Glenn Ford or baby-sit Ronnie. By using Dag to tell the story, that alone would give it a new perspective. And that is how Dag’s part of the story was born.

As you know, in my story the first time that Dag met Glenn and Ronnie was at the apartment swimming pool. In the original film, Elizabeth (Shirley Jones) actually had known Tom Corbett (Glenn Ford) and Eddie (Ron Howard) for a number of years at least. Elizabeth had in fact been best friends with Tom’s wife when she passed away. We are never told why she died in the film but we know it was recent because Eddie is just then going back to school. And no, Elizabeth isn’t Eddie’s teacher either because Elizabeth is a nurse (but she must have had one heck of a settlement because her clothes and apartment are quite swanky, as you will see). Unlike Dag though, Elizabeth was married to a guy who apparently cheated on her (we can only guess, they didn’t spell these things out in 1963) and of course divorced him.

The first scene that I lifted from the movie for my Sims story was the scene in which Dag takes the cake over and Ronnie has a screaming fit over the dead fish. I wanted to change it to a dead dog or cat and make it different but at that time the only pet the Sims could have was a fish tank. So I just went ahead and used the scene as it appeared in the film because I felt it was important and you will see it in the clips.

In Eddie’s Father, there was also a housekeeper also but she is newly hired by Tom. The character, Mrs. Livingston is played by Roberta Sherwood and is actually quite funny. She has this running bit throughout the film about learning Spanish with a great punch line about it at the end. It was an element I couldn’t use in Laurie and Dag and if and when you see the film you’ll know why.

In Eddie’s Father there is also this running sub plot going on between Jerry Van Dyke and Stella Stevens. Tom, instead of being a manager of a TV station as Glenn was, runs a radio station at which Jerry is a womanizing disc jockey. This whole subplot isn’t entirely necessary to the film, but Stevens and Van Dyke have some good moments together, or at least Stella Stevens does. Early in the film there is also a scene where Tom and Eddie are having an outing together, run into the Stevens character who needs to borrow Eddie. Why? See the movie, but it is an example of a scene from the innocent early sixties that certainly couldn’t be used in this day and age. I mean, would you let some stranger that looks like Stella Stevens borrow your kid? On second thought, don’t answer that.

Of course, in Laurie and Dag, I wrote in a steady boyfriend for Dag by the name of Reggie. In Eddie’s Father and having just been divorced, Elizabeth has no steady boyfriend. And remember Harold Nye, the Insurance Guy? There is no such character in Eddie’s Father, and of course there is no pool party given by the apartment manager. At one point though, Elizabeth does come home with the same kind of loser that Harold is on New Year’s Eve at the same time as Tom Corbett comes home from a date with Dina. But the guy she comes home with is a bone doctor. And yes, the rest of that scene runs pretty much the same way as I wrote it.

And there are some slight differences in the way that Tom meets the Dina Merrill character (Rita) and in the way that Glenn meets his Dina although both meetings take place at work. In Eddie’s father, Rita is being interviewed by the Jerry Van Dyke character when Tom meets her instead of Tom interviewing her himself as Glenn did. I think Van Dyke was interviewing her about some fashion show, while Glenn of course was interviewing her about the wardrobe of the stations on air personalities. Of course, my Ronnie didn’t like Dina because she looked like Cruella. In Eddie’s Father, Eddie doesn’t like Rita because she has thin lips, squinty eyes, and big breasts. Good women have medium breasts and round eyes. One reason that I just changed it to Cruella as I felt since it was possible for Ronnie to have watched the Dalmatian film on video, it would seem more recent than if he were basing it on villainesses in comic books.

The biggest difference you will see is that at one point, they send Eddie away to camp. It is there that Tom and Rita come to visit, where Ronnie talks about his little girl friend Candy, and where Eddie gets mad at Rita for butting in. It is the camp that Eddie runs away from at about the same time Tom is asking Rita to marry him.

At any rate, that should give you some idea of some of the differences and similarities. In some aspects, as far as character motivation, I actually think my story improves on it quite a bit. In other aspects it does not. What my story couldn’t do is bring Ronnie to life the way the real Ron Howard brought Eddie to life. I know you’ve watched him on Andy Griffith show as a youngster, but the work he does in this film is extraordinary, and goes way beyond anything he did in that TV series. I hope if you enjoyed Dag’s part of the story you will look the film up on DVD. It is available from Netflix. Though much of it will seem dated, Ron Howards performance as Eddie is worth the rental.

Here are some clips from the film just as I promised that I strung together so that you compare it with what you read and I hope it interests you in checking it out. Watch them while you can because I don’t know how long these will stay up things being what they are.

Click here to read The Story Behind the Story Part II