Prologue:
There's an old line in a Mel Brook's movie called History of the World Part I where Mel goes around saying, "It's good to be the King." In other words, the King could do whatever the heck he wanted and not have to worry too much about anything. And that in a nutshell is what my story was way back when. I may not have been a King, but I certainly was king of my own special world.
In case you're wondering, the guy pounding away on the keyboard is me. Yep, you could say I had it made. I had a huge inheritance from dear old Dad, God rest his soul, that enabled me to lead the life most people only dream of.
I wasn't a slouch with the ladies either. Now I'm not naive enough to believe that they would shower me with affection solely because of my rugged good looks. I'm sure my bank account factored into the equation a few times. I didn't care though. Heck, I enjoyed myself so much it
didn't matter to me why they were there.And this is the kind of place dear old Dad's money afforded me. In the back of the house is a built in swimming pool, a hot tub and the finest electronics and furniture money could buy. So yeah, maybe it was all of this that enabled me to dally a bit more than the average guy. Whatever the reason, let's make one thing perfectly clear: I was not the marrying kind of guy, and women could hope all they wanted to get their meat hooks into me but it wasn't going to happen. I was strictly a have a few good times, a few good laughs, then be on your way kind of guy.
My gardener's name is Erika Jayapalan. Don't ask me how to pronounce it or even if it's spelled right. She's always correcting me on that so chances are I'd be wrong again. The answer to your first question, "Did you intentionally hire a female gardener," is no. Not that I wouldn't have done so if I had thought about it. She just kind of ended up here when I closed my eyes, pointed to a name in the yellow pages, and voila, that's how Erika ended up trimming my hedges. As far as the answer to your other question, "Did we do it?" Well it's too late now to worry about kissing and telling.
Now I must say that I certainly did enjoy Erika's company. If you want honesty, you'll certainly get it from her. And she
was challenging. Erika was no fool and while she was out there pulling up the weeds and spraying water all over the flowers. She had a box seat to all the comings and goings at my place. Most of the time she would just shake her head and laugh at me and I knew I wouldn't be able to sweet talk her into anything. She certainly wasn't impressed with my money. Eventually, though I guess curiosity got the best of her also and you can see how it ended up, both of us knowing it wouldn't lead to anything serious. It didn't, she's still a friend and she's still mowing my lawn, pulling my weeds, watering my flowers and keeping me abreast of all the latest rumors. Sometimes she's made a few rude comments about my life, and one day in particular I remember....but that comes late in the story.Then there was Pam Grayson.
When Pam moved to town with her, daughter Brandi was just an infant. It quickly became well known that Pam was a widow because she wanted it well known for some reason. I never saw her mourn but well, who knows? Supposedly, Pam's husband died just before Brandi was born. I say supposedly because it's one of those cases where you just have to take a woman's word for it.
As for me and the Merry Widow Yeah, you guessed it without me telling you. Hey, I wasn't leading her on! We had a good time a few weekends, she moved on, I moved on, so what's your problem?I have to say that Pammy did give me quite a scare though. I saw her in town a few months after our liasons and she was huge as in hugely impregnated.
Pam assured me though, the kid wasn't mine and I certainly hope she didn't notice my huge sigh of relief. I mean you can never be 100 per cent positive about those things no matter how many precautions you take. Pam just said she got careless one night during a wild wild weekend, and well when you do that you end up paying the piper. She wouldn't tell me who was the proud father though and I didn't ask. I do know she named the kid Brandon. I kind of groaned when I heard that. I think it was in the movie Pretty In Pink where someone had a name that one guy said sounded like a major appliance. That's exactly what I thought of the name Brandon.
Best of all there was Susan Dale. Her name was Pennington until she married this artist guy namee James Dale who was about seven years older than any of us. Susan, Frank Knight and I were quite a threesome in our younger days. We hung out together all through grade school and high school. Late in high school though she got hooked up with Jim.The thing was, Susan had very strict Southern Baptist type parents. When Jim and Susan got hot and heavy in our senior year in high school, she ended up with an extra passenger on board. In other words, a bun in the oven. Her parents went off the deep end, and Susan and Jim ended up hitched. I guess you could call it a shotgun wedding because Susan confided in me that she didn't want to get married yet. But she made the best of it, and she really did love the guy. Asfor her and me, we were always close friends and best buddies.
Late in the pregnancy though, Susan became very ill and was ordered into bed. It didn't help. In her seventh month she lost the child. It was a baby girl. It was a tough time for her but she managed to pull through it okay, or so I had always thought until later events said otherwise.
The thing about Susan is, she had this dream of being out on her own, away from her parents, with her own career. Although she had a job working for the mayor, it's not the career she dreamed of. The problem is, after losing the baby, her husband wanted to have another one and probably several more after that. It was not what she wanted but the last time I talked to her, she seemed about ready to give in after fighting it over the years.
And no, in all the years we've been together Susan and I had never ever done "it", and I don't have to tell you what "it" is. We were always just the best of friends. I'm not going to lie and say that at no time the thought hadn't crossed my mind about doing "it" with her, but only briefly. Sex has a way of messing up some good friendships, and I sure didn't want to do anything to jeopardize the bond between Susan and I. I was quite happy with the way things had always been.Then there was Audrey Brookshire. Now here's a woman who won't take any bull off of any person. So if you meet her, tread lightly. I think we went out together about four or five times, each night culminating in the throes of passion. When we parted ways, we were still good friends. The reason we had to part ways so soon was because of a little trouble I had with the postal service.
And trouble came in the form of post woman Alison Bertino. Yep, I had a woman mail carrier. Just like Erika the Gardener, it was one of life's great coincidences. Let's face it though, the mail uniform never looked so good. Okay so I was so infatuated enough with Alison that I may have led her on a bit into thinking there was more there than there really was, and maybe that in turn made her think our relationship was going somewhere where it wasn't. Anyway, what you have to remember is that if you have a thing going with the Postal Service, as I did, you had better keep track of when that mail delivery is.
What happened was that one morning Audrey stopped by and as she was leaving, the two of us were kind of standing in my doorway making out, about the same time Alison happened to come by to pick up the bills I had put in the mailbox the night before. Let me tell you, hell hath no fury like a woman in a uniform scorned. Honestly, it was all rather innocent...at least Audrey's visit that morning was. As Audrey was leaving we were standing outside on the sidewalk having our goodbye smooch when Alison happened by. Yeah, I was nailed, but Alison was cool calm and collected about the whole thing as she came over and smacked the snot out of me. She also had a few choice words for Audrey as she walked away. Audrey kind of got a kick out of seeing me get smacked around like a punching bag and laughed about the whole thing."I don't know if I ought to be carrying on with you," she said, "It might be a bit dangerous." And that was the end of that little relationship also. Okay, so I was a certified heel. I admit it.
I think what I should have known is that just because you think you're setting the world on fire, it doesn't mean that the guy upstairs won't throw you an 0 - 2 changeup just to see if you can connect or if you're going to swing and miss. What I did figure at the time was that I would start making use of the old computer collecting dust at my desk and start writing things down once in a while so I could relive all of my conquests in my old age. At least that's what I thought it was going to be at the time. And that my friends, is where this saga really begins. My name is Joe Baker, and this is my story.
Chapter One: The Diary
Okay, so what do I have to report in my very first entry. I would hope that I'd be writing about something other than the little fiasco that took place in front of the house today with Alison. What a hottie she was! I'll certainly be reliving our few nights together in my memory often! Too bad there won't be anymore of them. Seems she caught me and Audrey in a very public display of dillydallying. How could I have been so careless! And heck, Audrey was okay but looks wise, Alison had her and just about everybody else beat in that department. I guess she'll still be delivering my mail, but it looks like there won't be anymore last minute late night deliveries that I had grown so fond of. Oh well...as the French say, ....well I don't speak French but I'm sure they would have something to say about it. The French are pretty good at saying
the right thing about women. At least that's what I've heard because I don't speak French.I went and saw Pam today. Hadn't seen her since that day I found out she was carrying that kid in her like an overripe watermelon. One thing I don't want is a bunch of mealy mouth little brats running around the house. It's a bachelor's life for me all the way. Anyway, I thought I would stop over, be nice and say howdy as the neighborly and nice thing to do. Pam says she was glad that Brandon was finally able to pop out of there. She says there is nothing worse than carrying loading a kid around inside of you in for nine very long months, or at least thats what it seems like. Anyway, Pam loves kids and will probably find a guy that is just right for her someday and have a household of rugrats and tricycle motors. As for the kid Brandon, I made a couple of google eyed faces at him cause it seemed like the thing to do. Well, now Brandi has a brother, and Pam had two kids to keep her company. More power to her.
*****
In the past few weeks I've been out with a couple of ladies I met here and there. Let's just say my score was one for two and leave it at that. Hey, .500 is not a bad batting average. Anyway, I received a phone call from my old friend, Frank Knight. Frank and I had been best friends since grade school along with Susan of course.
Frank got married and went to work right out of high school. He ha
d married his high school sweetheart, Shelley and they popped out a kid right away. That would be his son Nick. They also adopted a young girl named Bettie, whose parents were friends of ours also and had been tragically killed in a car accident. Sadly, just a few years later, Shelley herself was hit by a drunk driver. Frank was never quite the same after that. Worst of all, Nick and The Kid took it real hard.Frank has dated a few times over the years, but nothing that I would call serious. He lost himself in his career, and in that respect it paid off, as he climbed to the top of the research profession. He could retire in good shaperight now, but I seriously doubt that he would. Nick and The Kid were seniors in high school, and were going to be graduating soon. The Kid had already turned eighteen several months ago and Nick wasn't too far behind. At any rate, I headed over to see what was up.
After I arrived we took a few minutes to take a dip in the hot tub, then we sat down to the chess table. It was then that Frank told me he was dating someone regularly and was thinking of getting married. I asked him if it was anybody I knew, and it was then that he told me it was Arcadia. I nearly fell through the floor on that one."You mean to tell me you're thinking of marrying an old woman, who makes a living fixing toasters?"
"She isn't that old," he retorted. "And besides,she repairs other things like microwaves. Anyway, she just retired....ummmm... a couple of months ago.
One thing I did know was that Arcadia was certainly past her prime. It's not like Frank and I had just suddenly hatched out of an egg but Frank had quite a few good years left in him I thought. I wasn't sure if I was more shocked about the age thing, or the fact that somehow Frank had dated someone and became serious about them without telling me. We had never really kept too much from each other at least not until recently. I had been there for him, Nick, and The Kid after Shelly's death. I didn't think there was anything he wouldn't tell me. Maybe our friendship had grown apart. I just couldn't picture Frank and Arcadia together. All I could see was a frumpy old lady running around town with a tool belt. Other than that, there was nothing else I knew about the woman."Why all the secrecy, Frank," I asked, more than a little bit perturbed about the whole thing.
"Because of the kids. Especially Nick...Bettie might be able to handle the fact okay, but somehow, I don't think Nick would ever accept the fact that I had found someone else. As for keeping it a secret from you, I knew how you'd react. Even now you're thinking it's all a joke"
All I could do was sigh and shake my head.
"Look, Frank. Your kids will be out of high school soon, probably leaving the nest. Shelley's been gone for a long time. If this is what you really want then go for it. Nick will get used to the idea, one way or another. The Kid certainly will. As for myself, you should know better. Yeah, I may ride you about some things, and joke about it, but that's always been me."
Frank looked as if he wasn't sure. He also looked at me as if there was something else he had to say. I was getting exasperated quickly.
"Well, what is it?," I asked him. "Is there something else you want to tell me?"
He just shook his head negatively. "I know you've been a good friend, and I'm sorry for the secrecy but this is something I have to do in my own way. After so many years, I just didn't think there would be anyone for me ever again and I'm not sure the kids will accept it. I'll sit with Nick and Bettie after their graduation, and talk to them about it. That much I'll promise."
I left shortly thereafter, feeling just a bit betrayed. Frank was right though. There was no telling how the kids were going to react to it. Truthfully, I had gotten use to Frank being single over the years. I had seen very little of Frank over the past several months, and now I knew why. We used to head down to a bar at least once a week, or load up Nick and The Kid and head out to the coast or a Dodgers game at least once or twice during the summer. I tried to look at the situation in another light.
Arcadia may not be particularly gorgeous, but she as a fix-it guy, she was a lot better looking than that Emmett the fix-it guy on the old Andy Griffith show.
******
It's been several weeks since I had that conversation with Frank. I've called over there a few times and The Kid let me know he wan't home and in fact, had been away from the house quite a bit lately. So I sent him an email thinking he might check and send me a reply but no luck there also. Then I stopped over to the house one day, and The Kid and Nick were there with some friends in the hot tub. I recognized one of them as Clarence Clinton, and the other one was a girl from town named Meadow Thayer. Meadow was a nice looking young kid and here she was dating Nick, who through his glasses always looked kind fo geeky. On the other hand, The Kid was with Clarence and he wasn't the best looking thing in the world. I'd try to see Frank again in a few days.
******
It's been about five days and I still had no phone call from Frank. I did finally hear from my friend Susan though. She wants to get together, have a couple of drinks, talk about things. I had the funny feeling while talking to her that something was up but I wasn't sure what. I figure I'd find out soon enough. I had a few hours to kill before meeting with her so I decided to go over and pay the Knights a visit. I guess I could have called first to see if Frank was there but I figured the fresh air and walk would do me some good.
When I got there, Frank wasn't home but Nick and The Kid were. And man let me tell you that both of them were dressed up to the nines. Turns out it was their prom night and someone forgot to tell me about it. And Nick, whom I always thought as being on the geeky side sure wasn't this time around. He had traded in his glasses for contac lenses and what an improvement! So I grabbed my camera and took a few snapshots.I think The Kid and Nick weren't too crazy about standing in front of the house having their picture taken but they put up with it anyway. I know what The Kid was thinking though: "I bet you don't think I'm such a kid now, do you."
Why do I always refer to her as the kid? I had known her since the day she was born. I just always called her that, and after so many years, I didn't know what else to call her. As she grew into her teens, I could tell she didn't like me calling her The Kid all the time, but she put up with it. She was only two when her real parents died, so she doesn't really remember them except what Frank and I have told her. Then it was double tough for her when Shelley a few years later. Even then she was very young, but I think somehow, it had affected her ability to get close to anyone, except Frank or Nick.
Well, I must admit I thought she was quite lovely, but in my mind she will always be The Kid. I mean I've known her since she was knee high to a grasshopper, Her and Nick were closer than most brothers and sisters who were born of the same parents.
Anyway, after I embarrassed them with a few snap shots, Nick went back inside. Frank, was at work but would be home soon he told me. I hung around and decided to talk to The Kid for a while. And of course the first thing I said to her was, "You look very lovely tonight.....for a kid." I know it was kind of mean but she was good natured about it.
"I'm not a kid," she retorted making an awful face at me. "Could you please, just this one night, not call me The Kid”
I chuckled at her, and didn't say I would or wouldn't but in my mind I knew I'd cut her a break just this once. The Kid said she was going with a guy she had met that worked at the Community Center in one of the magazine and computer game stores by the name of Jace Parker. When she described him, I knew who he was immediately.
"Why is your father so late getting home from work," I asked her.
"I'm not sure. I'm not sure if it's work he's getting home late from although that is the excuse he is always giving. He's been acting kind of strange the past few months. Maybe, he has a new girl friend. He does have them from time to time, you know.
“I just don't know why Dad thinks he has to sneak around," she continued, "I think it does him good to have somebody to go out with once in a while besides just you."
"And what's wrong with me all of a sudden?" I said, pretending to be offended.
"Nothing, silly, but you know what I mean. Could you live your life just going out with the guys once in a while?" I laughed at that. "You have quite a reputation in this town, Joe Baker. What you need is a good woman to settle down with."
I looked at The Kid with mock surprise. "Oh, I'll settle down when I find the right woman. I just haven't found one I want to have hanging around twenty four hours a day yet." The Kid had a good laugh at that.
"You're not kidding me. You may always think I'm a kid, but I know about you. Remember, this is a small town and word gets around quick. Why if I had a nickel for every woman you've had in that house of yours, I'd be a rich lady and could retire in luxury, just like you.""I'll tell you what,"...
"I'm going to put a jar by my front door, and everytime a woman comes through it, I'll put a dollar in it and make you that rich woman."
Nick had returned outside and Frank had finally showed up. I snapped a couple of more pictures and told Frank to call me because by the time he had arrived, it was time to go home to meet Susan. What I had to say to Frank would have to wait. The Kid gave me a hug before I left. She had done that since I had known her. She then tried to get the last shot in, and in the end succeeded.
"And if you don't stop calling me Kid, I'm going to start calling you Uncle Joe." she hollered at me.
I made a face, but I knew she wouldn't do it. "So long, Kid," I hollered at her as I walked up the sidewalk.
"See you later, Uncle Joe," she hollered at me. Score one for The Kid. I gave her a dirty look, and was on my way. When I arrived home, I had just enough time to write in this diary entry before Susan showed up.
*****
I think there's an old saying that sooner or later, fate will catch up with you. Maybe that's not how it went but that's the way I remember it. At any rate, fate seems not only to have caught up with me; it's beating the living daylights out of me and churning my stomach around in knots. No, it's not just the king size hangover I'm carrying either. How could I do it? In one stupid night I not only broke one of my cardinal rules about women, I did something I thought I would never do. I hardly know where to begin.
When Susan came over last night everything went as it normally does with us enjoying each other's company. When she first arrived though she wasn't in a very good mood and wasted no time telling me about it. James was driving her nuts with the never ending, "Let's have a baby scenario." She was adamant. No baby, not now and probably not for a long while yet.
She had an offer to work in D.C. and she wanted to take it, but knew that wasn't going to happen. And that she would have to be satisfied working in the mayor's office. I asked her if she still loved James. She hesitated before answering.
"I do love him," she answered, "but you both know I wasn't ready for marriage. I wanted to experience things, to have my own life and not be tied down. He has these grandiose ideas about the perfect family life, and you know as well as I do from your own experience, that it just doesn't happen that often. All my parents cared about was their reputation and your father was always running around in Europe or someplace so that you hardly even knew him."
The comments about my father hit home. My mother died when I was born so of course I had no memory of her.
As for my Father, he was alive while I had been growing up but I never knew him either. I was always left in the care of nannies, housekeepers and babysitters. I guess I was a handful when I was very young and Dad was going to send me to boarding school. That was something I didn't want, as all my friends were in public school. In the end, I cooled my behavior toward the nannies and such, just so I wouldn't be sent away somewhere.
"Maybe, it's time you thought about separating for a while. Maybe for once you should just think of yourself instead of everybody else" I don't know if it was good advice or not, as I was not very good in the Dear Abby department.
"My parents, would simply die if I did that," Susan said with a frown. This was something I didn't understand at all. Susan was no spring chicken, either. What was this thing about always pleasing her parents, even after all these years, even after all the horrid things they had done to her, much of which she still couldn’t talk about.. It was something I never understood.
I went into the other room to mix us some drinks. She sounded like she could use a stiff one.
"You've spent all these years trying to please them and for what? Simply so they can tell you when you're been naughty or nice? Maybe you should take the DC job. Frankly, Susan, you just don't seem like you're very happy." There were always times in Susans life in which she would slip into a funk for days at a time and when she did it was often difficult to snap her out of it.
She sat quietly for a moment. "At least it's something to think about," was all she said.
"How did you get out from the humble abode tonight without Jim causing a fuss? I'm sure you didn't tell him you were coming here," I said, chuckling.
"He was giving Jan Clinton some art lessons tonight, so I told him I was going to the casino. He kind of frowned about it but didn't say much," she answered. “Anyway, enough of talking about my home life. Let's have some fun.”
And that we did. In betwen drinks we relived the good times of the old days. I told her the latest about Frank and Arcadia. She sounded more surprised then I did, but I think she was glad Frank had found someone to share his life with. I told her about Alison smacking me a good one because I figured Susan could use a good laugh. And in between, I would get up and mix us a drink. After a while there was no doubt that both of us were beginning to feel the effects. By
the time I broke out the champagne bottle and we began toasting the good old days, I was quite wobbly, and Susan caught an extreme case of the giggles. Before too long we were at the pinball machines, and as usual, she managed to beat up on me, although with the drinking, our scores weren't exactly Pinball Wizard material. Then, she wanted to dance. Now if it hadn't been for the drinks and the champagne, she might have had trouble with that one but alcohol can make anybody think they're a combination of Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire. So I was game, especially since she seemed to be having such a good time. I don't know how long we danced, because we would dance a while, stop to drink some champagne, then dance for a while, then drink, then dance some more. It wasn’t long until the drinks had made me more than a little bit shaky. It was then that she noticed my hot tub which I had nicknamed the love tub. I had just bought it recently so she this was the first time she had seen it."Is that where all the action takes place," she said walking over to it. "A bit gaudy, even for you."
"Now that hurts," I replied. I had noticed that my words were beginning to slur and run together quite a bit “The salesman guaranteed it, and besides that old one was beginning to leak." Susan and I had spent a lot of time soaking and conversing in my old hot tub. She even kept a few spare swimsuits in my closet for when occasions such as this.
As for myself I somehow managed to stumble into the bedroom to change. I'm not absolutely positive how I managed to find my way back to the Love Tub, but Susan had filled it and plopped down in the bubbling water. I'm not sure if I climbed in to join her or fell in but
somehow I made it in without seriously injuring myself. How do you know when you have had way too much to drink? When you begin imagining little hearts and roses are floating out of your hot tub. I remember that we talked about James some more for a while, but I couldn't tell you one word about what was said. Sometimes Susan would ask me to give her a friendly backrub and last night was no exception. I do remember that while giving her the backrub, she asked me why I had never come on to her in all the years I had known her. I tried to shake the blurriness out of my head, as it was a subject I certainly don't remember ever having come up. I tried to find the words to explain it."You've been my friend ever since grade school."
"I guess you can be friends and become involved that way and I won't say that the thought of making a pass at you had never crossed my mind. But that stuff sometimes has a way of changing things, and I didn't want to risk it. Besides, if I had ever tried anything like that you would have probably laughed in my face." She was silent for a long time. I didn't know for sure if it was because she didn't know for sure what to say or if the champagne had finally worn her down. I know I had to keep blinking because the floating roses and hearts seemed to be multiplying rapidly. In the end she didn't exactly respond to what I had to say.
"Hold me," she said turning around. And I did as I don't think it was one of my better backrubs anyway. Thinking back now, I remember that she looked terribly sad. I don't know how long I held her. Time was not a concept which I could comprehend at that moment. If there is one thing I won't forget, it's that she did something that in all the years I had known her, she had never done before.She turned and she kissed me. It was not the quick friendship kiss which we had exchanged on hundreds of occasions. I have no excuse nor any explanation that will satisfy anyone in regards to what happened afterwards except that too much love tub and too much alcohol had clouded my thoughts, my feelings, my sensibilities, and my judgment. Had I not been drinking I would have sent her home at that moment. If she had not been drinking, she would never have kissed me. At least not like that. Not in that way. And that one kiss led to another, and still more.
And soon, she surrounded me. At this moment, I cannot be sure if it even happened. Perhaps the whole thing was a dream, a fantasy cloaked in the swirl of champagne. But there's no sense kidding myself. It had happened. And as I write this, I would give everything I have for it not to have.
I don't know how we made it to the bedroom but we did. Later we slept, and the truth is, I woke up once briefly and she was lying next to me. But when I did fully awaken, late in the morning she was gone. I felt awful. Not just because Susan was married, but she was one of the few people I cared about deeply. But it was a caring that had been born of friendship, not of romance, not of love, and I felt that in some way I had betrayed that friendship. I can blame it on too much drinking, I can blame it on her initial kiss, but in the end, I am the one to blame.
I wanted to call her but I knew a conversation would be impossible. If she was able to work, she wouldn't be able to talk from there.
If she were at home, James would be lurking somewhere about. All I could do was wait, wait for her phone call. Yet, what could I say, except that I was sorry, that if I could turn the clock back to yesterday, and change things I would do it in a minute. It would probably be nice to think that I had suddenly fallen in mad passionate love with Susan, but I knew that wasn't true. To Me, love, the kind of love that forever joins people together as one, always had been and always would be something vague and abstract. Yet, for the first time, I thought of the nights I had spent women such as Alison, Erika, Audrey, and so many others, and for the first time ever, a sense of guilt, however small it may be, had crept into my thoughts.
*****
It had been two days and I still hadn't heard from Susan, in a way I was anxious to talk to her, and in another way dreaded the thought of finding the right words to say. I had checked my email fifteen to a hundred times, and had received nothing. I finally called her work, but she had called in sick the past two days. Finally, I worked up enough nerve to call her house, but when her husband Jim answered the phone, I hung up. Late in the afternoon, I felt like I had to get out to do something, to talk to someone. I decided to give Frank a try. I had helped him through many tough times, now perhaps he could do the same for me. A quick call to his house, and The Kid told me what I already knew. He wasn't there. I quickly grabbed the phone book, and found the address for Arcadia Simpson and headed out the door.
Frank must have been getting ready to leave when I approached the house, because as I came up the sidewalk, he came through the front gate. I could tell he was quite surprised to see me there. From the look on his face, I'm not too sure he was pleased, but at the moment I didn't care. I wasn't there to spy on him; I was there because he was my friend.
"This is the last place I expected to see you," he said. "I would have been home soon, if you needed to see me." When he said he would be home soon, I could only wonder what soon meant since he never seemed to be home anymore. I suddenly felt a certain amount of resentment about his relationship with Arcadia. Now that I was here standing with him, I wasn't certain if I wanted to talk about Susan and what had happened.
"You say you would have been home soon, but heaven only knows when that would be," I said sarcastically. "I just came by to see how things are going since I haven't talked to you much since the day you invited me over to your house."
Susan came over last night and she was asking about you since it's been ages that the three of us have gotten together. I just thought you might be interested. If this is a problem Frank, I can certainly leave." It had been a bad two days and my patience was wearing thin.
"No, no, that's okay," he answered. But the tone in his voice told me otherwise. "How is Susan doing these days?"
I no longer wanted to confide in Frank as to what had really happened. I knew now the whole idea of coming over here had been a bad one. "Problems at home. Jim's still wanting to have kids, Susan doesn't. She had a job offer out of town that she wants to take and can't."
Frank thought for a moment. "It's been years since she lost the baby. Maybe she should consider it. She's not getting any younger, none of us are. I can certainly understand Jim's side
of it." It surprised me that Frank was immediately taking Jim Dale's side. When it came to him, Susan and me, I thought we would never take anyone else's side. It was just about on the tip of my tongue to tell him as much when the front door of the house opened, and Arcadia Simpson emerged. Frank turned to go meet her, and I followed behind, not knowing for sure what else to do. Then when she came out and kissed him, I felt strange and awkward. She then turned to face me as Frank went inside the gate. Arcadia and I weren't total strangers. We knew each other, having met here and there which happens in a small town sometimes, but I don't think we had ever exchanged more than ten or twenty words at a time.What I did know is that this was certainly not the Arcadia Simpson I had ever seen. She wasn't the frumpy character I described earlier. Her hair was much shorter, she was wearing make up and lipstick, and there was no tool belt dangling from around her waist. And I have to be honest, though she was easily about fifteen years older than Frank, I could almost see how he would find her attractive. Frank made the quick introductions anyway but we both acknowledged that we had met before. Then, Arcadia and I stood there facing each other awkwardly not knowing for sure what to say. It was Arcadia who broke the ice.
"I suppose you're not too happy with how I've been occupying Frank's time as of late," she said. "I told him he doesn't have to be here as often as he does, but I guess I’m not very persuasive." She kind of sideways smiled at Frank over that.
"I didn't mean to come here and intrude on the two of you. I just wanted to talk to Frank about a close friend of ours. I really should be leaving anyway." In other words, I was more than happy to be on my way.
"Oh, you must mean Susan Dale." she replied. Gee...was there anything Frank hadn't told this woman. "You three were quite a trio years ago, always causing a ruckus. Everybody in town knew you all were inseparable back then." It was as if Arcadia had read my thoughts, and was trying to let Frank off the hook.
"Well, I'd like to think we are still the closest of friends, and will be for a long time," I answered almost accusingly.
"I'm sure you are very loyal to each other. Frank talks about you and Susan and the old days all the time. I wouldn't want anything to interfere with that. We always can use a lot of close friends in our life. As for you leaving, nonsense, you came to visit Frank and there's no reason for you to rush off like that, and that is an order." I have never cared too much for anybody trying to give me orders in my life, and I certainly wasn't going to let Arcadia be an exception to the rule. She beckoned for the three of us to sit on the bench in front of the house and talk for a while. It was then that I noticed the ring on her finger. Had she been married years ago. I had never known her to have a husband. Was she wido
wed, divorced, or was it something else? By the time I managed to get my feet moving Frank had long ago sat down. I wanted to leave and later I would wish I had.As I sat down on a bench next to Frank, it was then that I noticed his hand. It was at that moment that I saw it and when I saw the ring I knew what the truth was. When Shelley had died, Frank had taken his ring off and placed it with her. This was a new ring, bright shiny, just like the one on Arcadia's hand. They were married!
We sat there on the bench, nobody saying anything. I was stunned. The Frank I used to know would never have done such a thing without telling me about it, nor would he have done such a thing without telling Nick or Bettie. I know he hadn't noticed that I had seen it. Should I say something? I was hurt, I was angry, angry at the both of them, not because they were married, but because they had done it in secrecy as if Frank's kids didn't matter or as if a life long friendship had never existed. Arcadia was talking about something, I had no clue as to what. My head was aching again, the blood was rushing to my face.
"When was the wedding?," were the words that finally came out of my mouth. Frank looked as if he had been caught shoplifting. He looked down at his hand, and then he knew the mistake he had made. Obviously he was not wearing the ring at home or when I had seen him the night before. Arcadia tried to look away.
"I guess we should have told you," he said, almost in a whisper. "It just kind of happened."
"Just kind of happened?” I was almost shouting. "Tell me? I'm your best friend, or I at least thought I was but I'm all grown up Frank. I can deal with it. What I can't deal with is the fact that you are too gutless to face your own kids. They sure as heck deserve a lot better than this from you, from the both of you. One thing I know for sure is that Nick and The Kid have always been honest with you and this is how they get treated, sneaking around, secret weddings." I knew I was being hurtful but I didn't care. I was angry. Angrier than I could remember having been in a long time. "Just how long have you been married?"
"Two months. We got married two months ago." Frank's own voice was beginning to show a hint of anger.
"And when were you planning on filling everybody in. And what was all that nonsense at your house last week about planning on getting married, and telling the kids after graduation. Is that just something you conjured up at the last minute?"
"We...I...I just didn't want anybody to know yet, we were going to tell all of you. Don't be so judgmental Joe or try to take the moral high ground with me. You of all people have no room to judge anybody, not the way you parade a different woman into your bedroom night after night."
In all the years I had known Frank, he often joked about my lifestyle, but he had never been critical of it, and now he was being more than that. And as if things couldn't get any worse, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bettie coming down the sidewalk. Frank saw her also and as he got up to go face her he started to remove the ring from his finger, something I'm sure he wished he had done about an hour earlier. They were not that far away that I couldn't hear what was being said."What are you doing here," I heard him ask. His voice was still angry.
The Kid seemed stunned by the tone. "I....I...just wanted to talk. You're never home. One of my friends at the prom told me they had seen you here quite a bit. We never see you anymore. I mean, I just didn't think it would hurt anything. I mean....." I could tell the kid was trying to find the right words to say. "Dad, you don't have to be so secretive. Nick and I aren't kids anymore. I mean....I've never seen you like this...I just wanted you to know that it's okay."
Arcadia's hand was beginning to shake. I knew this was not what she expected by any stretch of the imagination. This was not how they had planned it. If it was uncomfortable for her also I was glad. I could tell she was trying to compose herself. The sky began to darken, but it was not as dark as my mood had become.
"Bring your daughter over, Frank," Arcadia hollered towards him, but her voice sound strangely off kilter. Frank and Bettie joined us on the benches. But we would not remain there long. As she came over she looked at me, not so much as if she were surprised at my presence, but an inquisitive look as if she sensed there was something wrong. When she sat down, the kid immediately began to apologize to Arcadia.
"I'm sorry if I'm causing you any trouble," she told her, "That's not what I meant to do. I mean, if you're a friend of Dad's and everything, I just thought we might get to know each other."
Arcadia started to speak, but I was still smarting from what Frank had said. She never had a chance to say anything as the words came tumbling out of my mouth. And the split second after I said them, I regretted it. "They're Married, kid, don't you get it."
The kid's mouth must have fallen open two feet. She looked at me then Arcadia and back to Frank. "Married?" she said hoarsely looking at Frank. I couldn't see the look on The Kid's face, and I didn't want to. I could see the anger rising in Frank as he looked at me and I knew at that moment, that our lifelong friendship was over. There would be no forgiveness. I wanted to crawl into a hole, not because of Frank but because of The Kid. There was no doubt that in three short days, I had acquired a severe case of the stupids. And when she asked in the same hoarse voice when they had been married, he told her, and I could tell she was fighting back the tears."Two months! I don't understand. You've never kept anything from me or Nick, and now this! I thought we could tell each other anything. I mean...I know sometimes you didn't always tell us when you were going out with someone...because of mom...but...because you thought it would hurt us...which it used to when we were kids..but we understood...we always understood...." She could fight the tears no longer.
"I've never kept anything from you, never." Frank stood up, and turned to face both of us.
"You don't understand. You're just a kid. Since the day that your mother died I've only had one thought and one thought only, and that was the well being of you and Nick. Maybe it is wrong the way we did it. But it's done it's over with, and there's no going back. We're married we're going to stay married, so get used to it. Now both of you, just get off my back and leave us alone."
"Frank!" Arcadia was screaming at him. "Please! It's your daughter, don't treat her like that!"
Betty jumped up to face him. "Do you think I care if you're married? You're missing the whole point! Why lie? Why the big secret! Why leave your kids out of it. Nothing would have made me happier than to see you get married, to be there at what was supposed to be an important moment in my father's life. That you would do it this way......I......I...and I'm not a kid any longer and neither is Nick, so quit using that as an excuse because you don't have the nerve to face us..."
The Kid could hardly get the words out. She started towards the gate, and I began to follow to walk her home. Frank stood there motionless. Arcadia was sobbing openly. And with tears running freely down her face Bettie looked back at them, and looking directly at Frank she said, "Well, I guess it's to be expected. After all, you're really not my father."
And when she said that I looked away. I didn't want to see the look on Frank's face, not now not ever. For if I did, I knew I would never be able to erase it. What I did know is that it would be a long silent walk home, except for the quiet sobs of The Kid piercing the increasingly chilly night air.When we arrived at their house, thankfully Nick was gone. I walked her up to the door. She hadn't spoken all the way home. My stomach was in knots, from what had happened but I couldn't find the words to help her. I asked her if she would be okay. She managed to give me usual goodbye hug and I hugged her back while she wiped her tears away on my jacket. After assuring me she would be okay I left. If Frank was coming home, I didn't want to be there.
When I arrived home there was a message on my answering machine. It was Susan. The message was brief, but her voice was almost a whisper, "Joe, I'm sorry. I can't talk to you right now but I've sent you an email. I hope you understand. Please forgive me." The tone in her voice sent chills down my spine, but I hurried to the computer where the letter was waiting for me. And as I read my body went numb, the life draining from me.
My Dearest Joe,
I know you are trying to come to terms with what happened the other night, as am I. Please don't blame yourself for what happened. I wanted it and needed it to happen. I needed someone to be close to and you have always been there for me, through the good times, the hard times, the sad times, and the bad times. I know you are regretting it now, but I'm sure that in time, you will learn to remember it and cherish it.
I wasn't completely honest with you. When I came to your house, I had already made my mind up about so many things. James deserves a family, but I can't give it to him and to be honest, I think the love we had for each other began withering on the vine some time ago. What I have never spoken to you about, nor to James, or to anyone, is that years ago when I lost my child, I was devastated. I felt as if it were my fault, as if it were something I had done that had caused me to lose her. I had never experienced such loss in my life. My parents had never shown me much love or affection, just as your father had never been there for you. If such a thing were to happen again, I would never be able to overcome it. Though I had carried her for only a short time, I had begun to feel as if that child was a part of me, and that it would have all the love that I had never known in my own life. When I lost her, I lost a part of myself that could never be recovered, and for that reason I know I cannot give James what he asks for, what he so richly deserves. I know I always gave you so many other reasons as to why I could not have another child, but now you know the truth. I hope you understand why I could not talk about this with you, my closest, my dearest, my only friend.
And so, I must do the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I am leaving, so that Jim will now be free to find someone, so he can have as many children as he wants, and live a happy life while there is still time. I have written him a letter, but I did not speak to him of my true thoughts, because if he knew, he would then convince me that he didn't need a family, that it wasn't important, and I know that it would be a lie. And I have lived a lie long enough.
Please do not try to find me. If you are my friend you will understand. You must not speak to Jim of this letter. And most of all, do not speak to my parents of it, not that it would matter to them anyway. I have decided not to take the job in D.C., but I do have a job elsewhere. I'm sure that in time we will see each other again.
Remember that old movie you, Frank, and I saw once, when we were hanging out at your house while your dad was away? The one about Hermie and Benji and Oscar. Remember, the parting words written to him by the girl on the island? I do. I have always remembered them, and now I give them to you. I wish you good things, Joe, and only good things. I carry you in my heart, and in my thoughts, for you have been someone I will always cherish.
All my love,
Susan
I don't know how many times I read the letter. I don't know how long I sat there staring blankly at the screen. What I did know, is that in my whole life, I had never felt the pain and the sense of loss that this day had brought into my life. It was the kind of pain I thought I was immune to, that I would never have to experience. It was obvious that the man upstairs had thrown me that 0 - 2 changeup and
I had struck out. I hadn't even been able to swing at the pitch. Called out looking. There was nothing left to do but to go to the bar and have a drink. Perhaps it would wash my sins away. Perhaps it would numb me from the horror of the day. Perhaps I felt as if somehow it would transport me to another place, another time. And after that, I had another drink, and then another and another. And it wasn't long before I no longer felt the pain; in fact I didn't feel much of anything.*****
I don't know how long I lay in the bed trying to wake myself up. At first, I had to feel around to make sure it was a bed I was lying in. My head felt like it wanted to detach from the rest of my body. Every cell in me seemed to be aching, which was a good thing. That was how I wanted it to be. After finally shaking the cobwebs loose I was finally able to will my body into motion. I was wearing pajamas, but I had no memory of having put them on. In fact, I wasn't quite sure of how or when I had gotten into the bed as I had no memory of that either.
I was finally able to stand, but as soon as I did I wanted to crawl back into the bed. I felt as if I was standing on an incline, my stomach felt like something had eaten a hole through it. Until this week I always thought I was a person who could hold their alcohol without any problem. Of course, until the past few days, I don't think I had ever drank this much. I tried gingerly putting one foot in front of the other, to see if my feet would support the rest of me without toppling me to the floor. They did, but just barely. I walked slowly o
ver to the mirror to survey the damage.It wasn't a pretty sight at all. My eyes were dark, the color was gone from my face, and I was in desperate need of a shave. Yeah, I sure wasn't going to win any beauty contest that’s for sure. I put my fingertips to my throbbing forehead. There was a small knot as if I had bumped into something which was entirely possible given the circumstances. Worst of all I was in desperate need of a shower. I reeked of alcohol and body odor. I managed to stumble into the bathroom, and turned on the shower full force, and then I got in and stood under the pulsating water. For a long time I just let the water flood over me, which helped to awaken me the rest of the way. It didn't hurt that it washed away the smell also. I finally exited, and without shaving or anything else, slipped back on my pajama bottoms. I needed some espresso, and I needed it like yesterday.
When I came out of the bathroom, I noticed that the computer screen was still lit up, and Susan's letter was still there, staring me in the face. For all the drinking I had done, the events yesterday would not go away, would not fix themselves, and that pain was still worse than anything else I was feeling. I sat quietly down, closed my email up, and shut off the computer as if somehow that would make it all go away.
I sat there quietly, for what seemed like an eternity before I finally rose from my chair to head into the kitchen. And when I exited the bedroom, I nearly jumped out of my skin!
The kid was standing there holding a cup of espresso. I'm not certain if I startled her more than she startled me. It may have been a tie."Jezus kid, give someone a heart attack why don't you," I said clutching my chest. "Where did you come from?"
"I thought you might need this," she said handing me the drink. "I heard you finally stirring around in there and figured you would need it." I took the drink from her and took a sip.
"How did you get in here anyway," I asked, but I already knew the answer.
"You should really lock your door before tying one on if you don't want people barging in. There might be some angry husband out there someday coming over here to stomp your ass." She said. The kid wasn't smiling. I took another sip.
"I don't mess around with married woman," I told her, still knowing what had happened with Susan and what the consequences of that had been. Can we go sit down? I feel like crap." I walked past her into the kitchen.
"Then some angry ex-husband or boyfriend will stomp your sorry butt. I came over this morning to see how you were doing. You won't dare show it, but I knew how upset you were. Just as much as I was if not more."
It was strange that this kid whom I had known for so long seemed to know me so well. The thing about Bettie was, that even as a kid she always seemed more grounded in reality, more serious, than most kids I knew. Of course it's not like I knew a whole lot of them. Come to think about it, other than her and Nick, I didn't know any.
"And it's a good thing I came over too," she continued. "If I hadn't you might not have been waking up at all today. When I came in I thought you were gone but I looked around anyway. I found you out by the pool, passed out. For a second I thought you were dead even, and that kind of scared me, but no such luck, you were still breathing." She gave a half-hearted smile. "You might have tumbled into the pool and drowned. If I had come an hour later, you might have been a candidate for a remake of the opening of Sunset Boulevard."One of the other things I really liked about the kid is she was a great fan of old movies. I couldn't help but smile to myself at that one. "So how did you get me into the bed, I know you didn't carry me. And....uh...how did I get into my pajamas?"
"Don't worry," she laughed. "I didn't see something every other lady in this town has witnessed. It took about three buckets of water poured on you but you finally managed to crawl into the bedroom. I helped you off with your shirt and undid your belt buckle for you. You somehow managed to do the rest yourself. I turned my back, didn't peek. I had to practically shove you into the bed though before you went out like a light again.""Well then, my dear child, you are my now my official guardian angel," I told her. The espresso was beginning to taste good and the throb in my forehead was beginning to lift. The conversation stalled. I knew she wanted to talk about what had happened at Arcadia's the night before.
The kid finally spoke again. "I think there's something you should know. After you went back to sleep I saw you had left your computer screen on and went over to turn it off. I saw Susan's letter." She didn't look at me, as if she were admitting to something she wanted to. When the kid had talked to Frank about honesty the night before, the kid could have given us all lessons in that department. I had never known Bettie to lie.
"I guess I just started reading because I didn't know who it was from at first. I thought it was junk mail or something. It's no excuse, but it's the only one I got". I looked down into the cup I was holding. For all her honesty, I knew I had been caught in a lie when I said I had never slept with a married woman. I felt worse about that than her having read the email. She turned to look at me.
"I'm sorry about Susan. I don't really know the details about what happened and I don't want to know. We all make mistakes, but the thing is that we have to learn from our mistakes, and we have to be willing to ask for forgiveness. Most of all we have to learn to forgive ourselves. I'm not very proud of myself about what happened at Arcadia's last night. What I said to Dad about not being my real father was mean and hateful and there was no excuse for it." I could tell that she was hurting inside, that she wasn't sure what to do.
I searched for the words that I thought would help her. I'm not sure I succeeded. "And I shouldn't have been the one to tell you they were married. It wasn't my place, it's just...well I shouldn't have done it no matter how angry I was. You said we should be willing to ask for forgiveness, and then I hope you can forgive me for that. I feel like everything that happened last night was because of me. As for your father, I'm sure he's upset, and I'm sure it hurt him. Knowing the two of you though, you'll manage to work it out and find the words to say to each other. Did he come home last night?"
"Yes, and he went upstairs to talk to Nick. Nick was very upset, as I knew he would be. Dad finally went into his room and slammed the door. When I got up this morning to come over here, both Dad and Nick were gone." It grew quiet again. I finally broke the ice.
"Nick will be okay. I know that unlike you he didn't think Frank would ever marry again. But when you are able to speak to Frank, when you apologize for what you said as I know you will, and then things will be okay between you. I don't know why him and Arcadia got married on the sly leaving you two out of it. There's probably a very good explanation for it. At least you should give him a chance to explain. It's something neither one of us did last night."
"What about you," she asked. "What are you going to do?"
I just shook my head. "I don't think there's any apology in the world from me that will satisfy your dad. No, I think I just need to get away for a while to clear my head."
"You won't be coming to my graduation?" she asked. I could sense a certain amount of sadness in her eyes. I wanted to go. I thought the world of this kid, and Nick. It was a moment in their life I thought I should be there for.
"I don't think it's a good idea. I don't think your father would want me there." I thought she was going to cry.
I spoke quickly as if somehow that would help. "So make sure they take lots of pictures for me to look at when I get back. Hey, you can do me a big favor and look after the house for me while I'm gone. Use the pool, watch the TV, play some pinball...heck have a couple of friends over if you want. Just don't let it get too nutso."
She finally smiled. "Sure, I'll look after it for you. And no wild parties, cross my heart."
I knew that her promise was as good as gold. "Where will you go?"
"Oh, I don't know. Somewhere, anywhere. I just need a change of scenery. I'll tell you what, it won't be like I'm gone, just write me an email once in a while, let me know everything’s okay. I'll take my laptop with me. It'll be like I never left at all. And send me those graduation pictures" I got up and went to the cabinet where I kept a spare set of house keys and gave them to her. She got up and followed me into the living room. I turned to face her, and I wasn't seeing a kid anymore, but a young lady who in eighteen plus years, had acquired more wisdom than I had in more than thirty of them.
"You can count on it." she hesitated. "And don't worry about Susan's letter. I won't say anything to anybody."
"I wasn't worried about it. I know I can trust you kiddo." She smile and shook her head. She knew I was never going to call her anything else. We turned to face each other, and when we did she spoke again.
"I guess you can call me kid as long as you want," she said as if reading my thoughts. "You've never really treated me like a kid though, at least for a long time. When I talk to you....well...it’s different then when I talk to dad, or Nick.......," her voice trailed off.
We stood there awkwardly for a moment and then she reached to get her usual goodbye hug. I was going to miss my conversations with the kid. She had grown up, and would soon be meeting some guy, getting married, having a house full of kids. The thought saddened me. Our hug lasted just a bit longer than usual, as if we both knew that life was changing, that things would never be the same for either one of us. And without saying a word, she turned, looked back quickly, and then was gone. I stood there silently for a minute before I began making phone calls to my services, the maid, and the gardener. I quickly shaved and finished cleaning up and began to pack a quick suitcase. I didn't need much, but I was careful to make sure I included my laptop. A Quick run around the house, making sure everything was turned off that needed to be and I called myself 
a taxi.It didn't take long to arrive, and I was glad for that and hurried to get in.
"Where to Mr.?" the driver turned and asked. I didn't answer right away, and he sat patiently, his pen in hand.
"Anywhere," I answered. "Anywhere but here." He shrugged his shouders, put the pen and pad down. He put the car in gear and we drove off. I didn't bother to look back.
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