Laurie's Wonderful Life Act One: The Nightmare

(Author's Notes: Let me thank each and every one of you who have joined the Bakers and I on our journey through life. I appreciate all of those who have taken time out to read The Baker Family Trilogy. As far as I know (and things could always change so never say never) this will be the last story starring these characters. If by chance you are new to reading this blog or these stories, and you would like to start at the very beginning, you can use the links in the right hand margin to navigate to the other chapters in the other stories.

The saga actually began with the story The Kid & Me and that would be the best place for you to start. However, if you want to start here you should be able to follow along although in Act III, there will be many references to events in the past and you will more than likely not be able to grasp the connection between the events of present day and the events of past years. The decision however, remains yours.

If you've guessed from the title that this story is based on Frank Capra's It's A Wonderful Life you would be exactly right. If you guessed that it's a Christmas type story you would be right in so far as that it takes place at that time of year, but could just as well take place any time of year and any place. You will also find that the story in some ways borrows a bit from Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol. However, other than the basic premise of those stories, you will find that Laurie's Wonderful Life is quite different in many ways.

For one thing, you would probably have no problem sitting down with your family to watch "It's A Wonderful Life". If Laurie's Wonderful Life were a film, you wouldn't want to sit down and watch it with the kiddies. It is a much darker story than you would normally find in a holiday story. There is very graphically depicted violence and many expletives. This is not recommended for anyone younger than 13 years of age.

However, if you stay with it, I hope you will find it a fitting and rewarding wrap up to the Baker Family Trilogy. Thank you once again and you can leave your comments or write to me with them at clydesplace@hotmail.com.)

Prologue

Susan Dale walked hurriedly down the cavernous entrance leading to Michael’s office. She had been keeping an eye on the events happening on earth in the past months whenever she could. Susan had fully expected she would be called into help sooner rather than later. It wouldn’t be the first time that Michael had felt it necessary to send her home for a visit as she had been there several times before when events had warranted it.

She had been ready to begin work on another assignment when Michael had hurriedly sent for her. There were only two reasons why anyone would be pulled off of an assignment that had already been given to them. The first reason would be if they were unable to resolve the situation they were working on. This generally happened with inexperienced trainees and was considered to be quite an embarrassment because it meant the novice would have to start their training all over again.

This had never happened to Susan. She had breezed through her soul collecting phase with flying colors when she had arrived, and in fact had received all of her promotions ahead of schedule. The other reason someone would be called off of an assignment was if a family member they had left behind on earth was in serious trouble and needed a little push in the right direction to set things straight.

Michael’s secretary and his right hand man Jacob was sitting at his desk keeping tabs on how all the assignments in their division were going. Poor Jacob had been tied to his desk even before Susan had arrived many years ago. The thought of having to work at a desk sent a shudder shooting down Susan’s spine. The story that was passed down over the years was that Jacob had messed up an assignment big time and had been assigned to desk duty because of it. Jacob’s heart had been in the right place. He was on general assignment on earth collecting souls when he had happened upon a motorcycle accident that was about to take place in a tunnel and it looked as if there could only be one outcome. Unfortunately, the motorcycle was carrying a professional football player by the name of Joe Pendleton, and Jacob, who couldn’t stand to see anyone hurt had removed Pendleton’s soul to spare him the pain he would have to endure in the wreckage. The only problem was that Pendleton wasn’t scheduled to arrive at the depot for another thirty years. So Jacob had been immediately assigned to desk duty.

Jacob didn’t seem to be terribly unhappy in his new job though. Word also was that he had been a bookkeeper back on earth and actually preferred doing what he was doing now then going around collecting souls. He just wasn't much of a people person, but he had a good heart and meant well.

"Can I help you Miss Dale," Jacob asked. Jacob’s tone was always businesslike but his manner was kind and courteous.

"Yes, Michael signaled that he needed to see me. Could you tell him I'm here?"

Jacob quickly looked at his monitor pulled up Susan's name in an instant.

"Hmmm.....I've seen you've been pulled off of your other assignment.” Jacob sounded a bit irritated.

“I'll have to find a replacement to finish that assignment. I wish Michael would tell me ahead of time when he's going to do these things. Have a seat Miss Dale and I'll tell him you're here."

Jacob was always inquisitive about some of the cases the other agents were on. It wasn’t that Jacob didn’t want to be doing assignments himself. That wasn’t the problem. But before you could become the next Tess, Monica, or Jonathan Smith, you had to start at the bottom of the ladder and that would mean becoming a soul collector again. Jacob had never been able to get used to waiting until the last minute to separate the spirit from the body. A lot of it just looked so painful and even in his mortal life Jacob had been quite squeamish. So, rather than going through that again and taking the chance of screwing up so bad that the Big Boss wouldn’t be so forgiving, Jacob chose to stay at his desk.

It was not entirely a rare thing for Michael to summon an agent off of a case to work on another assignment but it did play havoc with the scheduling. There were so many who needed and were asking for help making it difficult to fit everybody in. Jacob sighed and walked hurriedly into Michael’s office.

Jacob never could figure out exactly how Michael had achieved such a high ranking, especially one that required him to be in charge of so many agents. To Jacob, he had always seemed a bit absent minded and a whole lot on the flaky side. Now he was standing in front of mirror, wearing a Santa Claus cap of all things, looking sillier than ever.

"Ahem.....Michael, Susan Dale is here to see you," He said. Michael turned quickly around to face him. He didn’t seem to be even slightly embarrassed to have been caught with the Santa Cap atop of his head.

"What do you think, Jake old boy?" Michael asked.

"About what?" Jacob asked.

"My hat, silly! Do you like it?"

"Can I be honest with you?" Jacob asked.

"I would expect nothing less from you Jacob. And besides,” Michael grinned, “You know as well as I do that I can always tell when you are lying.”

Jacob sighed again and hung his head. Michael was right. He probably even knew what Jacob was going to say before he said it. "I don't think it's very becoming for someone in your position. I don't think anyone's going to take you very seriously if they see you wearing that….that…..silly red hat."

Michael simply grinned, while at the same time giving Jacob a huge slap on the back momentarily causing Jake’s head to bounce as if he were the latest bobblehead doll. "Jake, my boy, you are just too uptight. It's Christmas, the best time of the year! Loosen up, have a little fun! Get with the program! Do you want to spend all eternity sitting in there at that desk? And let me tell you Jake, Eternity is a very very long time!”

“How long would that be, sir? And exactly what program are you talking about?” Jacob asked as if he really expected some kind of an answer.

All Michael could do was shake his head. This time it was his turn to sigh. “How should I know how long eternity is, Jake? Only The Big Boss knows that. If I knew that then I would be the Big Boss. And the program I’m talking about is Christmas, Jake. Now, loosen up. And you can start by not calling me sir. Call me Michael. Call me Mike if you like that better. Heck, call me Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer but don’t call me sir.” Michael emphasized the “don’t call me sir” part, hoping Jacob would heed his request.

"Yes, Rudolph…I mean Michael,” Jacob said quickly and then just as quickly added, “Anyway, about Susan Dale?"

"Who?" Michael asked.

"Susan Dale, you summoned her."

"Oh, oh yes I did. That Susan, she’s a real go-getter, Jake. You could learn a lot from her. Maybe I’ll send you on an assignment with her some day, as an observer. Just to get you out from behind that desk.”

“I like my desk, Si…I mean Michael,”

Michael sighed again. He knew if he was ever going to change Jacob’s ways it would be a long tedious process. “Well, bring Susan in. We're burning daylight, pardner."

Jacob was about to ask how they could be burning daylight since it was always daylight where they were then thought better of it. The last thing he wanted right now was to get into another long and whimsical conversation with Michael. Instead he left quickly and went to usher Susan in.

By the time Susan had entered Michael's office, the mirror he had been primping in front of was gone and the Santa hat had vanished.

”Hello, Susan. It’s good to see you again,” He said softly while at the same time taking her by the hand she had extended to him. “The Big Boss is extremely pleased with the work you have been doing, thinks you are doing an exceptional job and frankly so do I.”

Susan’s face beamed from the compliment. Pleasing the Big Boss always made her happy. “Well, you know I want to do the best job that I can, Michael.

“Then you are happy in your work?” Michael asked her.

“I couldn’t be happier,” Susan replied. “But…..” Susan hesitated.

“But? Is something wrong?” Michael’s face turned serious.

“No. But I was surprised when he arrived so soon and under such dreadful circumstances. I thought it would be another ten or twenty years.”

“He?” Michael asked, but then he remembered. Sometimes it took a second or two for him to grasp these things since there were always so many new ones arriving. Of course there would only be one “he” that Susan could possibly be talking about.

"Oh, yes, of course. By the way, how is he doing?"

"He’s doing very well for a novice. He's a fast learner. I think he’ll be ready for his promotion soon." Susan paused for a moment. "Perhaps he can help me with this?" she asked hopefully. “He’s very distressed by the events that are taking place, just as I am.”

Michael shook his head negatively. "No, not just yet. I think we should take a quick look at how things are going though so you'll know exactly what to expect when you get there.” Michael knew Susan had been keeping up on the events when she could, but sometimes it was difficult for her to find the time in between her assignments, especially when it was necessary to ask for help all the time so that she could witness things.

“Come with me," he told her pointing to a sofa that appeared out of nowhere. He sat on it as did Susan. She waited for a second for Michael to wave his hand to make the picture appear but he didn’t. She looked at him puzzled, and he smiled at her.

”Well, are you going to start the viewer or are we just going to sit here?” he asked her laughing.

Susan’s face broke into an enormous grin. “Do you mean I can do it now? I don’t have to ask for help anymore?”

“That’s right, the Big Boss said it was a promotion well earned. So show me what you can do.”

Susan hesitantly waved her hand and as she did a picture of the exterior of the Baker home appeared instantly in front of them. “That is so cool!” Susan said as she turned to face the screen.

Michael simply looked at her and grin. Susan always took such joy in all the small little things she could do.

The house was one she had visited often, both in her earthly life and in her spiritual life. Michael and Susan watched intently as the picture dissolved slowly into the bedroom of Susan’s daughter, Laurie Pendleton Baker.

~~~~~~Act One~~~~~
The Nightmare

There was the horrific blast shattering her eardrums, a flash of white blinding light, and once again as had happened so many nights before, Laurie Baker bolted upright in her bed. Instantly she was wide awake, breathing heavily, and a cold sweat drenched her body and soaked her nightgown. It took several moments before her breathing would return to normal, and for her to grasp the reality that it had only been the dream again. She was safely in her room and in her bed, or at least the bed she had slept in for so many years as a child and a teen.

The pictures of Xena, and Madame Curie that once hung above her bed were no longer there and there were no the pictures of the Williams Sisters and Mia Hamm above the desk. They had been a constant fixture in Laurie’s teen years, but those days had been so long ago. The portrait of her birth mother which had also hung above her bed and comforted her during so many difficult periods of her life was gone as well. That portrait along with many other items that belonged to Laurie and Angela were in their home in L.A., collecting dust as the days in her life slowly cascaded by, without the meaning and purpose they had once held for her.

Sometimes when she awakened from the nightmare, she would do so almost violently, awakening her life partner, Angela. But on this night, Angela continued to sleep undisturbed.

“At least that was one small thing to be grateful for,” Laurie thought to herself. She looked over at the alarm clock and the bright blue glow of the LCD screamed three a.m. She felt exhausted, but Laurie also knew that if she tried to sleep again, the nightmare would also return, and she wasn’t quite ready to revisit it so soon.


She slid gingerly out from under the blanket that covered both her and Angela, and just as softly climbed out of the bed. Laurie didn’t bother with her robe. There was no need to as the house was plenty warm, probably a bit too warm. Instead, she crept silently across the thick carpet, and carefully opened the door to the hallway. The aging door squeaked loudly and Laurie looked back quickly at Angela, who remained undisturbed. She carefully closed the door behind her, walked over to the room in which her five year old daughter Suzie lay sleeping, and just as quietly entered it.


She stood next to the bed watching Suzie and trying to remember a time when she too had been able to sleep so peacefully without a care in the world

“How long had it been?” Laurie thought to herself. But she knew the answer without asking the question. It had been six months since the events occurred that had changed their lives so drastically and which had started the never ending nightmare from which Laurie knew she could never escape.

The room in which Suzie slept had been her sister Dag's room, and in fact still had many of Dag's photographs from college hanging on the wall. Over the years, Dag would often spend a few days with their parents, and she liked having familiar things in the room with her, so the pictures remained unchanged. Besides that, Dag and Glenn’s own home were filled with pictures of their family, so there would have been no room for anymore. Laurie quietly wished she had done the same, but the posters had long ago been dispensed with, and she had of course taken the portrait of Susan to L.A. with her.

But she and Angela had not visited as often as Dag. Work and distance had kept their visits to a minimum. It had seemed unnecessary to keep the room cozy for their infrequent visits. And thinking about the lack of visits made Laurie despair even more. Yes, her work was and had been important, but she never should have let anything come before family.


Laurie quietly pulled the blanket up around Suzie’s neck tucking her in and planted a quick kiss on her forehead. Suzie stirred, but just a little bit and as quietly as she had crept into the room, Laurie tiptoed back out into the dark hallway. She practically tiptoed down the stairs which squeaked even louder than the bedroom door had. She did not bother with turning on any lights. Even in the dark Laurie could find her way around the house she had spent so much of her life in.

The house which had been so full of life for so many years now seemed empty and desolate, and the huge recreation room that the stairs descended into seemed cavernous. The video games and pinball machines which had once lined the walls had long ago been sold for charitable causes when the last of the Baker kids had finally gone away to college. Joe Baker had laughed that the games were worth more as collector’s items than they had been when he bought them new.


A pool table still sat silently in the room, dormant for months. There had been so many weekends when Joe Baker and his best friend Frank, who also happened to be Laurie's grandfather, would play game after game of eight ball, but those days were also gone, etched only in her memories. The pool balls were laying randomly on the felt top, and for no reason at all Laurie walked over to it and rolled them one by one into the pockets. She then closed her eyes and ran her fingertips across it trying to remember the last time she had seen it used.

It had been the previous Christmas Eve. The entire family was there along with some close friends such as Laurie’s life long friend Gail, Gail’s husband Kurt and their son Marcus. It was funny how things had worked out between Gail and Kurt.

Laurie had been the one who had actually dated Kurt when they were in high school. When they had all graduated, Laurie and Angela had gone to live in L.A. where Laurie attended U.C.L.A. while Angela had attended a smaller college and worked to help support them. Of course, Joe and Bettie had helped out greatly with their expenses, but Angela would only let them do so up to a point. She insisted on working to provide for their own day to day living expenses, and it had been Angela who had insisted that Laurie and she would repay every dime that Joe and Bettie had spent beyond Laurie’s tuition and other college fees.

Kurt had headed east to study architecture. The plan was that once he had his degree, he would return West to work at his Mother’s firm. As for Gail, She had gone first to a community college to study business, and then took some courses to enable her to get her real estate license. It turned out that Gail had a genuine knack for selling just about anything so she had decided that if she was going to be in sales, she might as well sell something other than lipstick and makeup especially when there was a lot more money to be made in selling property.

When Kurt had returned home from college, Angela and Laurie had made a special trip home so that they could celebrate Kurt’s homecoming along with Gail. It had been Angela who first noticed that there might be some real chemistry between Gail and Kurt at the time. Laurie had scoffed at the idea initially, until she remembered how they had gotten along at their high school prom years earlier. It wasn’t long before the two of them were dating regularly and within a few years they had married. When their son Marcus came along, Gail ended her career as a real estate agent. They certainly didn’t need the money, and Gail had remembered the struggle of her own childhood when her own mother had to work so many hours to support them.

Then without warning, Gail’s mother Marcella had a stroke and died suddenly. It had been five years ago, but Laurie remembered it as if it were yesterday. Gail was grief stricken and took to her bed unable to function at all, but between Laurie, Kurt and Bettie they had been able to help her pull through. From that point on, Bettie took her under her wing and it was as if Gail had become one of her own daughters. It was not unusual to see Kurt and Gail around the house on any given day. On weekends, Joe, Kurt, Dag’s husband Glenn and Frank would often get together to shoot pool, while the women would head out of the house for lunch, dinner, a movie, or shopping.

Laurie closed her eyes tighter still, forming a picture in her head of the four men gathered around the pool table that Christmas Eve. Her father had had a difficult shot and was having trouble lining it up. She had been standing off to the side observing the proceedings.

“Does anybody care to place a wager against me making this shot?” Joe had asked.

Frank had laughed. “We’re in trouble now. Every time you ask that, you end up running the table.”

“I’m certainly not going to bet against you, seeing as how you’re my partner,” Kurt had answered. “It just wouldn’t seem right somehow.”

“What about you, my favorite son in law?” Joe asked turning to Glenn.

“I’m your only son-in-law,” Glenn responded. “That’s why I’m your favorite.”

“Well, you won’t be my only son in law much longer. Patsy seems to be getting pretty serious about that new fellow she’s dating. Before you know it they’ll be getting married, and then you’ll have some competition for the title of favorite son-in-law.”

“That may be true,” Glenn Said, “But I’m still not betting against you making the shot.”

“What a bunch of cowards all of you are,” Joe replied in mock disgust. He was just about to line up his shot again when Laurie took a fifty dollar bill out of her pocket and slammed it down on the edge of the pool table.

“I’ll take that bet, dad” she had told them. Joe looked at her and grinned.

“Now you see, there. My baby girl has more guts than all of you combined. You’re all a bunch of sheep.”

“Yeah, well she may be gutsy, but she’s not too bright if she’s putting that kind of money up.” Kurt offered.

At that point Joe took a fifty dollar bill out of his wallet and laid it on top of Laurie’s fifty. “Quiet please, while I line this up,” he told them. Joe took his time studying the shot for what seemed like an eternity. When it came to shooting pool for money he had always been deadly serious. Finally he stood up.

“Five ball in the corner pocket,” he said pointing to the upper left hand corner of the table.

He began sliding the cue stick gently back and forth. Laurie watched him intently. She hated the thought of parting with the fifty bucks, but it was worth it to see Joe enjoying himself so thoroughly. But just as he was ready to finally take the shot, Joe turned his head ever so slightly, and winked at her. He snapped the cue stick back, and the cue ball was soon on its way around the table, bouncing off the four ball, banking off one side, and then rolling up toward the five ball which was just inches away from the pocket. The cue ball finally found its mark hitting the five ball and sending it on its way. Everybody watched as the ball rolled slower and slower until it reached the very edge of the pocket and was ready to drop. Except it didn’t drop. It just hung there on the edge as if it were waiting for a gust of wind to help it finish the journey. Joe buried his head in the table.

“I don’t believe it!” Frank yelled. “He missed!”

Glenn and Kurt looked at each other than looked at Joe. Laurie walked haughtily over to the two fifties, picked them up, and slid the folded money into her shirt pocket.

“Easy money,” she said as she stuck her nose up in the air as if to say the rest of them should bow in her presence.

As they stood there with their mouths open, she went over to Joe who was still laying across the table as if he were in total despair. She bent over and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks dad!” she whispered in his ear to make sure nobody else heard and then she walked proudly out of the room.

Laurie smiled thinking about the incident while at the same time a tear slid down her cheek. She quickly opened her eyes returning herself to the real world and the reality of the present.

“Dammit!” she said to herself biting her lip and brushing the tear away.

Laurie looked around at the movie posters which lined the walls of the recreation room. She hated them, and she didn’t hate them. She didn’t hate them because they were her Father’s prize possession. She hated them because if he had never started the damn collection in the first place, then her father would never have been in L.A. and nothing would have turned out the way that it did. But most of all she hated them because they were a constant reminder of her own complicity in what had happened. But maybe that was the way it was meant to be. She needed to look at them, she needed to see them, and she needed them to remind her of her own stupid and silly selfishness that had been the real cause of the tragedy.

Laurie walked briskly out of the recreation room and into the study. She decided that since she was awake, she might as well feed her father’s tropical fish. Laurie knew that Bettie would take care of the fish during the day, but any excuse to do anything would keep her from having to go back to her bed.


The study remained completely unchanged and was exactly as Joe Baker had left it. There were several movie posters on the wall in here as well. There was the Bengals poster above the desk, and it had always seemed out of place in Devonshire, where from September until December the only thing you heard about any sports team was the undeniable greatness of the Oakland Raiders. And it matter not how good or how lousy they were. She had once asked her father how and why he had gone against the grain and become a Bengals fan.

"I always liked the underdog," he had said. "It was no use being a Rams fan, they ended up in St. Louis, the Raiders for a long time couldn't decide where they wanted to live, and my heart just isn't in San Francisco despite Tony Bennett, so I can't root for the 49ers. I just kind of latched onto the Bengals who for the better part of their existence have been a last place team. But one of these days there will be a reckoning and those Bengals are going to make me a boatload of money.”

But that day had never come and now it never would. Every year before the season started, Joe Baker would place a thousand dollar bet on them to not only be in the Super Bowl, but to win it. And every year he was disappointed and out another thousand dollars.

Laurie couldn't help but smile remembering the explanation. She bent down to pick up a book Suzie had left on the floor and placed it back on the bookshelf.

She stopped momentarily to wipe the sides of the fish tank with a sponge and to drop in some fish flakes. By the time she had finished, she had killed about twenty minutes all together. Not nearly enough time in her opinion, so she headed into the kitchen for some juice, hoping perhaps it would soothe her and help her to sleep without dreaming.

She quickly walked past the portrait of her father that hung in the living room. She didn’t dare to look at it. Every time she did, she felt as if his eyes were burning into her and accusing her. After all, if it hadn’t been for her.......but she let the thought trail off for the moment. She had spent enough seconds, minutes, hours, and days, cloaking herself in guilt. She had already spent most of the past hour doing just that very thing.

In the kitchen, Laurie opened the fridge and quickly grabbed the can of juice snapping it open. She took one quick sip and then sat down at the kitchen counter.

She drank it as slowly as possible, hoping it would help, but knowing deep down inside that it wouldn't. It was a repetition of the exact same thing she had done the night before, the night before that, and practically every night for the last six months.

She was on about her third sip of the juice when the lights in the kitchen came blazing on, causing her to almost drop the can. It was her mother, Bettie. Not the mother who had given birth to Laurie, but the mother who had adopted her and raised her from infancy making her the only mother she had really known.

Bettie sat down next to Laurie, hoping to engage her in a long conversation. Bettie knew Laurie had been ready to jump up and leave to escape questioning. Time and time again she had tried to get Laurie to talk about what had happened that dreadful night, hoping that somehow it would help her come to terms with it. But no amount of coaxing had any effect, and any effort to try to bring it out of her was quickly rebuffed.

Bettie decided to change the subject. “What time do you have to be at the hospital,” she asked her.

“Not until noon. I have a surgery scheduled at four, and that will give me time to check on my other patients.” She answered.

“Well, at least you can sleep in some today,” Bettie replied. “I still think you should have stayed in Los Angeles instead of coming back here to Devonshire. I’m still perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and Dag and Glenn are always close by.”

Laurie let out a deep breath. “I know that, mother,” Laurie said, quickly feeling on edge again.


She got up to deposit the can in the trash and turned to face Bettie.

“I’m sure you can take care of yourself," she said finally. But after what happened I told you I wanted to be closer to my family.”

Bettie wasn’t buying it. Perhaps if Laurie, Angela, and her granddaughter Susan had lived on the East Coast she could have seen the logic in the move. But L.A. was a short two hour drive away, and was certainly not the end of the earth. But trying to figure out what was going on in Laurie’s head, something she had once been able to do intuitively had become an impossible task.

They stood there awkwardly for a moment with nothing to say to each other. It made Bettie want to cry, as she never thought the day would arrive when Laurie could no longer confide in her. She reached over to give Laurie a quick hug and a kiss, which Laurie returned. Laurie already regretted having been so short with her mother, but it was just something else to add to her long list of regrets.

“Well, try to get some rest dear, I’m going back to bed. Don’t stay up too much longer.” Bettie turned and headed back to her room. Laurie watched until she had disappeared into the darkness, quickly turned out the light and returned to her own room.


Angela was still sleeping quietly, so Laurie climbed back into the bed as gently as she possibly could, not wanting to disturb her. Once in the bed, she lay there looking at the ceiling, forcing herself to stay awake as long as possible. But it wasn’t long before exhaustion overtook her and she drifted off to sleep. And although she had no perception of time in this state, an hour later the nightmare returned, and it began as it always did. It was not just a nightmare, it was a continual replay of what had happened that night six months ago, as if she had recorded it on TIVO and when playing it back it became eternally stuck in the playback mode.

Life couldn’t have been better for Laurie. She had fulfilled her lifelong ambition of becoming a surgeon, she was with the woman she had loved since her teenage years, and they had already started their family, and planned to add to it quickly as both of their biological clocks were ticking away the years.

On this particular evening, Laurie had just arrived home late from the hospital and was beginning to rush to join Angela at the Back Alley Night Club. Angela and Laurie’s daughter Susan, who was named after Laurie’s birth mother, was spending the night with a neighbor. They had made plans to join some friends at the club because one of them, Margie, was having a birthday. Laurie had just begun running her bath water when the doorbell rang.


"Now who could that be," and Laurie thought for a moment that she might not answer it. Instead she simply sighed, then ran out to open the door hoping to get rid of the salesman from down the street or the Jehovah Witnesses from up the street. But when she opened the door there stood Joe Baker, with an enoromous grin on his face. “Surprise!” he said holding out his arms.


She quickly wrapped her arms around him. “Dad! What brings you here! It’s so good to see you! Why didn’t you tell us you were coming? Where’s mom? Is she here with you?” Laurie asked the questions so fast it was as if they were coming out of a machine gun instead of her mouth.

“Whoa, slow down, baby girl!” He said laughing while squeezing Laurie even tighter. Laurie always got a kick out of him calling her baby girl although she wasn’t the youngest child or girl in the family. “One question at a time. I had a line on some rare movie posters that I might be able to pick up cheap here in L.A. and I had to act on it quickly. I thought I would surprise you. I can leave if you want me to,” he laughed.

“No of course not!” Laurie replied. "I've never been happier that you started collecting those old posters. What about Mom?" She asked looking around him as if Bettie might be standing outside somewhere.

“I wanted her to come with me but your Grandpa took ill again and she stayed behind to help nurse him back to health. Frank just hasn't been the same since Arcadia passed away. I told him he should move in with me and your mother, but he's a stubborn old goat,"

Joe began surveying the interior of the house. He had been in it before, but it had never been completely finished on those occasions. Angela seemed always to be tweaking it here and there with new paint, new carpeting, new paintings or even new wood flooring. But on Laurie’s and Angela’s last visit to Devonshire, Angela had admitted that she ran out of things to tweak. "This really is a magnificent house, Laurie. Angela has done an excellent job decorating it."

“Yes, it is beautiful,” Laurie said as she looked around and admired the work herself. Angela had really been fussy about the details, but one couldn’t complain about the results. “Angela had a lot of fun doing it. From the minute we walked into this house, she began planning on what she was going to do with it. Angela's turned into a regular homebody. I thought she’d never finish though.”

“Where’s my beautiful granddaughter,” Joe asked looking around. “I want a hug from her!”

“Suzie’s spending the night with a friend. She’ll be disappointed she wasn’t here when you arrived!”

Joe frowned. “Well, darn. I was really looking forward to seeing her. That’s okay; it’ll give me time to rest up, catch my breath, and get a good night’s sleep. You and I can catch up”

"Well, dad, I'm getting ready to meet Angela downtown. One of our friends is having a birthday and we're suppose to celebrate with her. I would get out of it if I could. Angela left a couple of hours ago. I had to work late or I would be there already.”

“I guess this is not my lucky night,” Joe sighed. “Here I was hoping to spend a quiet evening with the two most beautiful women in the world, and now I’ll be spending it alone!”

“Dad, you think all of your daughters are the most beautiful women in the world,” Laurie chuckled. “But you won’t be spending the night here alone. You’re coming with me.”

“Come with you where exactly?” Joe asked her.

“It’s called the Back Alley. It’s where we go with our friends to hang out and unwind sometimes. You’ll love it!”

“Is it a gay bar?”

“Yes it is,” Laurie answered, not sure why he had asked.

“Wouldn’t I be kind of out of place?”

She shook her head and laughed. “Don’t be silly dad. A lot of our gay friends bring their heterosexual friends there. We don’t discriminate against someone just because they're straight.”

Joe couldn't help but laugh even though Laurie’s joke had made his question look a bit foolish.

“I’m sure you don’t sweetie. But just the same, I’m really tired and I'm not as young as I used to be. I think I’ll just stay here and rest up and get some sleep. You run along without me and we can talk when you get home. I’ll just sack out in front of the TV until then.”

It was Laurie’s turn to make a face. “Oh Dad, don’t be such an old fuddy duddy. You're not that old yet. You’ll have fun! If you don’t you can leave early and come back here. I’ll even bring you home, cross my heart, hope to die.” Laurie quickly criss crossed her chest with her finger.

“Well, Laurie, I am old, and sometimes I am a fuddy duddy. I think you start learning to be a fuddy duddy about the time you hit fifty,” he laughed. “But really, my nightclubbing days were left behind years ago at about the time I met your mother.”

Laurie had no intention of giving up. She knew he could be talked into it if she put a little more effort into it. “Please Dad!” she said in her sweetest childlike voice. “You just have to go! Angela will never forgive you and I want you to meet some of our crowd! You’ve never ever met any of our friends here. And you’ll hurt my feelings and make me cry!”

Joe was hesitant. The long drive from Devonshire to L.A. had been tiring enough, but then it took another two hours of driving in the heavy city traffic to locate the home of the poster seller. “Maybe next time, baby girl. It’s been an incredibly long and tiring day for your old man.”

But Laurie knew exactly what would get him to change his mind. She had a certain face that she had used even as a child that would simply melt Joe’s heart. She only used it in times of desperate necessity because over using it would have lessened its impact. She made the face which partially consisted of curling her lips and making very sad eyes that look like they were on the verge of tears, and hanging her head.

“No Laurie, the pouty face doesn’t work on me any more so give it up. And besides it’s not very becoming of someone your age and your profession” He told her sternly. But Joe already felt like he was going to loose the argument. And when Laurie doubled her efforts by letting a tear well up in her eye the game was over. She had skunked him ten to zip.


He sighed. “Okay, you win. I’ll go on the condition that we get back here early. I’m libel to fall asleep on a bar stool if we don’t.

"Great! I knew you would! You'll have a blast. I just have to hop in the tub and change. I had a late surgery so I'm running behind. Angela left two hours ago. Come on into the bedroom and sit. We can talk and catch up. I can hear you from the tub."

Joe did as he was told and followed her into the bedroom. Laurie quickly grabbed her outfit and scampered into the bathroom.

"How's the rest of the family, dad?"

"Well, we don't hear from the twins as often as we should but with Patsy working in Paris and LeAnn in New York, I’m sure they are very busy. But you, Dag and Little Frank were the same way when you were young and starting out. Dag will finally get her Masters degree in June. She says she might transfer to the high school then. Little Frank is getting ready to move into his new home. He's quite busy at the public defenders office. I'm quite proud of him really. He could have worked for just about any law firm but thought that the public defenders office would be more rewarding. He told me he does hope to have his own practice eventually, but even then he'll do a lot of pro bono work. As for Keith, he’s still in Class A ball but he thinks that they are going to promote him to Double A ball next year."

"I'm glad to hear that," Laurie hollered back at him. "At least if he geets in AA he might play some teams close by once in a while. By the way, Kurt and Gail are coming down next week. She says she has some important news for us. I bet she's pregnant again."

"I wouldn't be surprised, Laurie. They're just like part of the family. As a matter of fact, Gail comes over and often goes shopping with Bettie. I think Bettie is like a second mother to her. Besides that, when they go shopping, Kurt will come over and watch some football or baseball with me and shoot some pool. I told him he doesn't have to hang around with an old fart like me."

Laurie Laughed as she climbed out of the tub and began quickly drying herself. "You're not an old fart, dad. And what did Kurt say when you told him that?"

"He told me he was going to keep coming over for just that reason, so that when he becomes an old fart, he'll know just how to act." Joe laughed remembering the incident.

"How do I look?" she asked Joe as she emerged from the bathroom.

"Gorgeous, as usual. I told you, you're my prettiest daughter!"

Laurie laughed.

"Well, for an old fart you're still the best dad in the world," Laurie said planting a kiss on his cheek. "Here's your reward."

"Hmm.....now, there's a reward I wouldn't trade for all the money in the world!"

"Shall we get going?" Laurie asked him. "This will give me a chance to take you for a ride in my new car."

"Do you mean that big sports car in the driveway? On second thought, maybe I will stay here after all."

"Oh no you don't," she said grabbing him by the arm and pulling him towards the door. "It’s way too late for you to back out now."

She continued pulling him until they were out by the car, Joe faking reluctance the entire way.

“What do you really think?” she asked once they were outside.

“I think that’s too much car for anyone, let alone my baby girl! I’ll get in, but only if you promise to obey the speed limits.”

“Cross my heart, hope to die.” Laurie quickly climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. Joe nervously sat in the passenger seat and closed his eyes while grabbing the dash.

“What are you closing your eyes for?” Laurie asked.

“For the same reason that I always closed them when I was teaching you how to drive. It’s not a pretty sight."

“Dad! It wasn’t that bad. I've never had one speeding ticket.”

"Well, that's true," Joe replied cautiously.

"Besides," Laurie said as she backed out of the driveway, "In this thing I can easily out run any cop car in the city."

"That's encouraging," Joe replied. But he was laughing when he said it.

"See, that wasn't so bad," Laurie said when they had arrived at the bar.

"Nah, but I think my heart skipped a few beats."

When they entered the bar, Angela was sitting at a table with three other women. There were a couple of guys dancing to the juke box, and other patrons were scattered at the tables through out. Angela saw Joe with Laurie and she quickly jumped up from her chair and raced over to them.

She greeted Laurie with a hug and a long passionate kiss.

“I thought you would never get here,” she told her.

"My surgery went longer than expected. And as you can see, I found this stray vagabond lurking about."

“Dad! It's great to see you! You’re the last person I expected to see walking through the door. Well, mom would be the last person, you’d be next to the last.”

She wrapped her arms around Joe giving him a hug, and he did likewise.

“Well, this is the last place I expected to be going to so that makes us even. Laurie talked me into it. I haven’t been in a bar in years."

“Shall we sit at the bar,” he told her pointing towards the bar stools. They walked over to the bar and sat down. Jerome, the bartender came over to serve them. He was as friendly as he always was, but Jerome was a hopeless romantic and a big flirt, although most of the time it was all done in jest.

“And who might this good looking guy be, Laurie? Where have you been hiding him?” Jerome looked over at Joe admiringly as if he was sizing him up. "And you know I just love older men!"

Laurie laughed. “This is my father, Jerome. And I will agree with you that he is quite good looking.”

“Oh! Sorry about that,” Jerome said. “I guess I should ask questions first, flirt later.”

Joe held his hand out to Jerome who took it and shook it warmly. “Don’t worry about it Jerome, I consider it a very high compliment.”

“Then the first round of drinks is on me! What will you have? I already know what these two want.”

“I’ll just have a coke,” Joe told him. “I’m not much of a drinker.

“Come on, Dad! Live a little bit,” Angela told him. "Laurie won't be drinking at all. It's her turn to be the designated driver."

Joe chuckled. “I don't want to get my daughter-in-law mad at me, so I guess one wouldn't hurt.”

"I've got just the thing for you," Jerome told him. "It's a special secret drink that I invented and only I have the recipe for."

"What's in it?" Joe asked.

"Now if I told you that, it wouldn't be a secret would it, Joe," Jerome replied.

"Trust me, Dad," Laurie whispered in his ear. "It's fantastic. You'll love it."

Jerome finished mixing the drink, and Joe took a sip.

"Hey, this is good!"

"And for you, Laurie, the designated driver, what will you have?"

"Just a non-alcoholic beer for me," she told him.

"Can't go wrong there." Jerome reached under the counter for the beer.

About this time another bar patron, a young and attractive blonde haired girl walked over to them.

"Angela! Since it's my birthday, you just have to dance with me!" she told her. "Don't worry; I know you're spoken for. I won't get fresh."

Laurie laughed. "I'm not worried, Margie. Dad, this is the birthday girl I was telling you about, Margie Foster."

"I'm pleased to meet you," Joe said starting to get up.

"Please, don't get up!" Margie said walking over to him and shaking his hand. "I can see where Laurie gets her good looks from!" Joe shook her hand then Margie turned back to Angela. "Come on Angela!"

Angela looked at Laurie.

“That’s okay, Angela. You go ahead. We can dance later. I want to talk to dad.”

Angela sighed, jumped off of the bar stool and walked over to the juke box to begin dancing.

“So, how’s your practice going, Laurie?” Joe asked as he took another sip on his secret drink. “Or do I even need to ask judging from that car you just bought. And here I thought you were turning into a family girl!”

“I am Dad. We don’t go out very often. We still have the van. As for my practice, it couldn’t be going better. And it’s more than rewarding. Just this evening this young boy came in with a serious head injury. He'd been shot in a drive by shooting. It could have easily killed him. I mean, some of the doctors take it all in stride when they save a life. For me it’s different, every time it happens it makes me feel like my life is so worthwhile, and that’s better than any amount of money I might make. Then again......”

She grew silent for a minute.

“Then again, what?” Joe asked urging her on.

She took a sip from her drink. “Then again there are the ones you can’t save. It makes me feel so helpless. No matter how good I become or how much I learn, there’s always those that can’t be helped. I’ve seen more than my share of tragedies in the past few years. I’m not supposed to get emotionally involved with the patients, but I can’t always help myself.”

“You can’t save the whole world, Laurie. Nobody can. You know I’ve told you.....”

“Yes, Dad,” Laurie interrupted. She knew what he was going to say. She had heard it over and over again from both him and her mother. “You’re going to say that sometimes things happen in this world that we have no control over, that there’s not always a reason or explanation for it. If we search for answers that aren’t there we’ll go crazy trying to find them. And if the reason is there, we may not see it at first but it will all become clear later on. Believe me, dad. I understand all of that. But it doesn’t always make it any easier.”

“And your father is right, Laurie,” Jerome interjected. He had been standing behind the bar listening. “When Tony died from aids, I searched for the reasons for a long time. We had always been so careful, then for him get it from a blood transfusion after a car accident...well....there just didn’t seem to be any reason for it. Finally I knew it was time to put it behind me and get on with my life.”

"At least I'm glad it's not just about the money," Joe told Laurie.

"No, dad. That's why I do work at the free clinic. There are a lot of people I've been able to help that couldn't afford it otherwise." Laurie took a sip of her drink and then laughed. “Besides, I don’t know how to play golf so what else would I do on my days off?”


Joe chuckled then the three of them grew silent. Angela and Margie were still on the dance floor along with several other couples. It was at about this time that the man entered the bar. Laurie had seen him enter out of the corner of her eye. There was enough light in the bar that she knew right away he wasn’t one of the regulars, or at least none of the regulars that she knew. But there was nothing unusual about that. As the man entered she noticed that he looked slowly around the bar as if he was looking for someone. Eventually he came over and sat on an empty barstool.


She heard Jerome ask him what he would have to drink then turned back towards Joe pulling him off of the chair.

“Dance with me, Dad,” Laurie asked standing up and holding out her hand. “It’s been ages since we’ve danced.”

“I’d love to dance with you, Laurie.” Joe took her hand, ignoring the new patron at the bar, and led Laurie to the dance floor. Angela and Margie looked as if they were finished, until Joe and Laurie arrived on the scene.

Joe was about to get into his fast dance mode, when the jukebox switched to a ballad. He took Laurie into his arms and they began to dance.

“I’m terribly jealous, Dad,” Angela said while winking at them.

Joe hadn’t always been the best of dancers, but after years of dancing not only with Bettie but with all of his daughters he had become quite adept at it. Laurie always had a feeling of being safe and protected when they danced, or whenever Joe was around for that matter. But never more so than when she was in his arms.

“I love you, Dad,” she told him for no reason in particular.

“I love you too, Laurie,” he said softly. “I’m so terribly proud of you. You’re everything a parent could dream and hope their child will become.”

It was about halfway through the song that she noticed Joe seemed not to be dancing with the smoothness that he usually did. She looked up at him and saw that he was looking over at the bar. Laurie couldn’t see what he was looking at, as her back was towards Jerome and anybody else who might be sitting at the bar.

“Is there something wrong, Dad?” she asked. He seemed extraordinarily preoccupied.

“I don’t know, Laurie. It’s just that somehow that fellow that just came in seems out of place. I’m usually a good reader of people and he’s making me feel a bit uneasy.”

“I’m sure it’s okay dad. You’re just being over protective as usual. There’s never been any trouble in here. He’s probably looking for a relative.”

She turned her head far enough to glance over at the bar, and did so just in time to see the man’s hand come out of his jacket. There was the shining glint of metal, a simultaneous blast of light, explosion and a puff of smoke came emanating from the gun chamber. Jerome's mouth had opened as if to say, "Oh No," but the words never came out. Instead blood spurted from his throat, sprayed onto the wall in back of him and then Jerome fell backwards slumping to the floor.

In the next fraction of a second, before Laurie could even begin to comprehend exactly what was going on, Joe grabbed her by the arm and threw her violently to the floor. Laurie hit the floor so hard that it knocked the wind out of her. Despite the sudden mass confusion, it seemed as if everything was moving in slow motion, as if she had just been dropped into the famous slow motion scene in The Untouchables. And then there was another explosion. Laurie somehow managed to get up on her hands and knees. She could see Angela start to grab Margie by the back of her shirt to pull her to the floor but before she could a mass of blood squirted out of the front of Margie’s shirt and she fell to the floor in a heap. She turned her head to look for Joe. She saw him moving toward the bald headed guy he had been so suspicious of, but now the bald headed guy’s arm was extending and there was the unmistakable gleaming chrome in his hand. As she watched Joe approach the bald headed guy, she had this fleeting thought in her dream as to what the hell did her father think he was doing playing hero at his age when there was another loud cracking sound and a flash of light emanated from the object in bald headed guy’s hand.

And it was at this point that she would always awaken, as if some defensive mechanism kicked in to keep her from reliving the even more horrible events that followed.

When she awakened this time, Angela was no longer lying next to her. A quick glance of the clock told her it was ten o’clock. Laurie would have to hurry if she was going to make it to the hospital by noon. The truth was, it wasn’t absolutely necessary for her to be there that early. She could easily make her rounds in an hour, but the hospital had over the months become an escape. She quickly showered and dressed and headed down the stairs.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, her daughter Suzie was waiting for her and jumping up and down as if she were going to burst.

“Mommy, mommy, mommy, mama Angela is going to take me to see Santa Claus today,” she told Laurie while at the same time wrapping her arms around her. When Susan was born, Laurie and Angela had decided that Angela would be Mama Angela, and Laurie would be Mommy Laurie.

“That’s nice,” she told Suzie while patting her more or on the head.

“I wish you didn’t have to work today then you could go see Santa too,” exclaimed Suzie. She unwrapped her arms from around Laurie, and started to dash up the stairs.


While all this was going on Angela had entered the room also. She walked over to Laurie and greeted her with a quick kiss.

“Don’t you think she’s getting a little old for all of this Santa Claus nonsense,” Laurie asked.

“Geez, Laurie. She’s only five. Let her enjoy her childhood while she can.”

“I just don’t want her to grow up thinking life is one big fairy tale.” Laurie complained.

Angela looked at Laurie as if she were not sure what to say. Their relationship had become terribly strained over the months. It wasn’t that the two of them argued incessantly, but Laurie seemed to be growing more distant from her and their daughter by the day. Angela was willing to make allowances because of what had happened, but it was something they had both gone through. Granted, it would be harder for Laurie to overcome it, but in the six months since it had happened they had never confided their feelings and thoughts about it in all that time, although Angela had tried time and time again.



“I’m sure she’ll find out about life just the same as we did, Laurie. But I believed in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, and I’m none the worse for it. And I’m sure you believed in those things as a child also and it doesn’t seem to have ruined your life.”

“Don’t be so sure of that,” Laurie replied nastily. “Anyway, I have to hurry, I’m running late.” She still had plenty of time, but was in no mood for small talk.

Laurie walked past Angela who simply sighed and headed up the steps. She went to the kitchen where Bettie was loading up the dishwasher, grabbed a juice out of the refrigerator and quickly drank it.

“Do you have time for breakfast, Laurie? I’ll fix you something if you do,” Bettie asked. She already knew what the answer would be but it didn’t hurt to make the offer.

“No, mom. I’ll grab lunch at the hospital. I’ve got a full schedule today and I’m already running late.”

“Just make sure you eat something. Will you be home for dinner at least?”

“No, mother. I have a surgery at four that will take a few hours. And as usual, I’m sure they’ll bring somebody up from the emergency room also.”

And Bettie had known the answer to that question also. It was a rare occasion when Laurie joined the rest of them for dinner. “Well, I’ll leave you a plate to warm up for when you do get home,” she told her. But she knew the plate would go untouched if she did. She already knew word for word what Laurie was going to say next.

“Don’t bother, mom. I’ll grab something from the cafeteria.” Laurie finshed drinking her juice, threw the container in the trash compactor, then quickly kissed Bettie on the cheek. “I might be late so don’t wait up on me,” she told her as she headed for the door.

Bettie walked to the front of the house and watched until Laurie had driven down the street and out of sight. She was still standing there when Angela came outside.

Neither one of them spoke for a while.

“Things are getting quite tense between the two of you, aren’t they,” Bettie said quietly, not turning around to face Angela.

“Yes, they are. I’m trying to be patient and understanding, Mom, but I’m just about at the end of my rope. I don’t know how long I can go on like this. Laurie seems to think she's the only one in this family who has suffered a loss.”

Bettie turned to face her. “I know this has been hard on you also dear. Just try to hang in there a while. I’m sure Laurie will eventually be back to being herself again.”


“I’m not so sure,” replied Angela. “If it were just me it was affecting, I wouldn’t care. I’ve dealt with worse things in my life. But it’s affecting Suzie. She doesn’t understand why Laurie doesn’t have time for her anymore, or why she’s so short with her sometimes. She knows it’s because of the “bad thing that happened to grandpa” but that’s about it.

“Has she talked to you about that night at all, since it happened? Are we missing a piece of the puzzle?”

“If there is, I don’t know what it is,” Angela replied shaking her head. “I’ve told you everything that happened. It was a terrible thing for everyone involved.”

“Do you think that she may be blaming herself for what happened?” Bettie asked as they walked inside. At this point, as far as Bettie was concerned, anything was possible.

Angela closed her eyes to replay the events in her mind once again as she had so often in the days since it had happened..

She had been on the dance floor with Margie. Unlike Laurie, she had not noticed the stranger entering the bar. Margie and she were just about to leave the floor when the slow dance started and Joe and Laurie had come to join them. They had decided to dance the slow dance together also.

Angela had been looking at Joe, thinking that he wasn’t a bad dancer at all, when she heard the first shot, not really knowing what it was. Everything else was mostly a blur of events that happened in a matter of seconds and so fast that she had to slow it down in her head to piece it all together. She had looked over at the bar, but Jerome was no longer standing there and all she could see was a deep dark reddish liquid dripping aimlessly down the wall where he had been standing. People stood up and began screaming. She saw a bald headed man walking towards them.

It was then that she saw Joe throw Laurie to the floor, just as another shot rang out and ricocheted off the concrete walls. Both she and Margie crouched over, not sure what was going on or what to do next.

“Get on the floor, dammit” Joe had yelled at them. But it was too late. Angela had just reached out and was going to pull the crouching Margie to the floor when another shot rang out. Blood spurted out of the back of Margie’s shirt and splattered to the floor in front of her at the same time. Margie didn’t scream, but simply said, “Oooomph” as if she had been punched in the stomach and then she crumpled to the floor in a heap. Angela quickly lay down on top of her, covering the helpless and critically wounded Margie from anymore gun fire.

Angela looked over just as another shot rang out and just in time to see her father-in-law go completely limp and fall backward to the floor as a horrendous mist of red sprayed from his chest. If Joe had been twenty years younger or perhaps even ten, he may have reached the gunman before the shot and subdued him. Others had quickly ducked under tables. Margie was still breathing but she was drenched in blood, which continued to spout like a geyser from the hole ripped in the back of her shirt. Laurie had managed to get up on her hands and knees, and when she saw her dad fall she could only scream, “DADDY!”

Laurie started to crawl towards his lifeless body and Angela watched in horror as the gunman once again took aim, this time directly at Laurie. But before he could pull the trigger, someone, Angela didn’t know who, tackled him from behind pulling him to the floor where several other patrons quickly climbed on top of him, wrestling away the gun and subduing the then unknown assailant. She turned quickly back to Margie, who was still laying face down. Angela ripped off her own sweater and did her best to wipe away the blood while at the same time trying to control the bleeding. The blood had so covered Margie’s shirt, you could no longer see the picture of George Bush on the back, although you could still see the words Stupid is Forever.

Laurie had reached Joe. His eyes were open but they were as lifeless as if they had been made of glass. There was no doubt that he had died instantly as there was an enormous gaping bullet wound in the exact location of where his heart had been. No amount of medical training, nothing Laurie had learned from her years of studying every inch of the human anatomy could save him. But she was going to try. She began performing mouth to mouth, as if somehow sheer will could bring him back to life if she breathed enough for him.

“God dammit, somebody call an ambulance,” she screamed through her tears. She was going to pound Joe’s chest, but there was nothing but a gaping hole there so she breathed into his mouth but this time blood simply sprayed from the wound. He was not dead. He could not be dead. She would not allow him to be dead. And then she took his head in her arms, and cradled him as her tears fell freely mingling with the blood. “Oh dear, God. Don’t let my daddy die. Please!” She sobbed.

“Dammit where’s the ambulance?” Laurie screamed again.

Angela could hear the sirens approaching in the background. Another of the bar patrons who had survived had come to help her with Margie. He motioned for Angela to help Laurie. She quickly ran over to where Laurie was cradling the fatally wounded Joe and tried to pull her gently away.

“NO! I WON’T LEAVE HIM!” She had screamed at Angela.

“Laurie, you can’t help Dad,” she said softly.

“Don’t you say that! Damn you to hell for saying that!” Laurie told her.

Seconds later the door to the bar opened and four police officers rushed in. They quickly rushed over to where four of the guys were still struggling with the assailant. The officers quickly handcuffed him ordering him to stay on the floor. At about the same time, the ambulances pulled up and the paramedics entered quickly. Two of them rushed over to where Margie was, somebody yelled for another to come behind the bar where Jerome still laid. The other ran over to where Laurie and Angela knelt on the floor next to Joe.

“It’s our father,” Angela told him softly. The medic seemed to understand.

He put his hand gently on Laurie’s shoulder. “Miss, I have to help your father now. Will you let me help him?”

She looked up at him, and then looked back at Joe. “I’m a doctor,” she said. “Don’t you know that? I can help him.”

“Please, Laurie. Let him take care of Dad,” Angela again pleaded.

For the first time Laurie looked directly at Angela, and saw the tears streaming down her face. She looked down at Joe once again, looked at Angela again and then the medic. Her own face was caked with Joe’s blood and her own tears. She looked down at the lifeless body, only this time with her free hand she gently closed his eyes, kissed him on the forehead, whispered, “I love you, dad” then gently laid his head down on the floor. She stood up, and reached out her hand to Angela helping her into a standing position. And then she took Angela into her arms and held her tightly, as tightly as she had every held her as Angela’s tears soaked her bloodstained blouse.

The man who had done the shooting was Richard James Gayhart, and he was now serving two consecutive life sentences without parole. It was small consolation to Jerome's Family, Margie, and the Bakers. Jerome had lived for another four hours before finally succumbing to his wounds. Margie would live, but she would never walk again as the bullet had severed her spinal chord.

Gayhart’s story was all too common, more common than many cared to know of or think about. He had gone in search of a gay bar, any gay bar, simply because he wanted to kill homosexuals, who he said were an “abomination of the worst kind” and should be sent “straight to hell.”

Angela violently shook her head and opened her eyes as if it would somehow take away the terrible memory.

“I don’t know why Laurie would blame herself for what happened,” Angela said when she finally spoke. “How could anybody have predicted such a horrible thing? There wasn’t any reason for it to happen, there never is. It was traumatic for all of us but instead of reaching out Laurie seems to be holding her feelings in and withdrawing emotionally from everything. It’ll just take her a while longer to deal with it. She needs help, help that I can’t give her, and help that she won’t seek out.”

Bettie sighed. “It’s impossible for me to help her. She absolutely refuses to talk about it and if I try to get her to she just become angrier”


They had reached the kitchen and Bettie began preparing a pot of coffee. When she had finished they sat down at the table.

“How are you holding up, mom?”

“I miss Joe. I miss him terribly. You have to remember that besides all these years we were married, I had known him all my life. We were in a way, always family. I sometimes wake up at night and reach for him, before I realize he’s not there. I’ve cried at night in private for a long time, until I had no more tears to shed. Sometimes I'll even begin fixing breakfast for him before I realize......But Joe wouldn’t want us to keep mourning him. He would have wanted us to get on with our lives.”

“Easier said than done,” Angela said quietly.

“I know, dear.” Bettie replied sympathetically. “But we’re getting there. That’s why I’ve asked Dag and Glenn to come over and help decorate the house. I think it’ll do us all some good if we start thinking about the holidays.”

“Yeah, I think Suzie will get a kick out of that. She’s really looking forward to seeing Santa Claus today. Laurie thinks we should be telling her the truth about Santa.”

“What truth is that?” Bettie asked.

“You know, about him not being real.”

Bettie made a face. “She’s only five. She’ll find out soon enough.”

As if on cue, Suzie entered the kitchen.

“Can we go now? Can we go, mama?” Suzie asked excitedly.

“Sure, sweetie,” Angela replied getting up from the table. Bettie stood up also.

“Come here and give, Grandma a hug,” Bettie said holding out her arms. Suzie ran over and wrapped her arms around Bettie.


“You can go too, grandma! You can go with us to see Santa!”

“That’s a good idea, Suzie” Angela chimed in. “Why don’t you go with us, mom? We can see Santa, do some shopping, and have lunch. You need to be getting out some yourself.”

“Please Grandma. Please go with us.” Suzie coaxed as she tugged at Bettie’s sleeve.

Bettie chuckled. “Okay, you’ve talked me into it. It’ll be fun.”

“Yay!” yelled Suzie, and she ran off towards the front door. Bettie smiled, as both she and Angela followed behind Suzie.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

By the time Laurie returned to the house at ten o’clock that evening, it was mostly dark, except for a single light in the living room her mother had left on to light her way. She was glad everybody had gone to bed. Both her mom and Angela would play twenty questions asking about her day, and Angela would once again be a little bit upset because she had stayed at the hospital so long again. The truth was that the surgery she had performed had been over hours ago. She had just dawdled in the cafeteria, checking on her patient in recovery four or five times when once would have been sufficient. She was just being conscientious she had told herself, but Laurie knew that was a lie. It had become a habit to delay going home as long as she possibly could. She was now viewing coming home to Devonshire as a mistake. She had done so to be there for Bettie, to help her through a tough time. But every time she saw her mother, all she felt was guilt over the part she had played in her father’s death, and what her mother had lost because of it.

In the kitchen, she quickly poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at the table, in the dark. She thought about watching television, but with Christmas being just a few days away, the last thing Laurie wanted to watch was a bunch of Christmas themed shows or commercials coaxing her to get in the Christmas spirit. It would be better if they didn’t have to celebrate Christmas at all. It was another constant reminder of her father. It had been his favorite time of the year.

Laurie wasn’t sure how long she had sat there sipping on her coffee when Angela came walking quietly in. She didn’t bother to turn on the light just as her mother hadn’t the night before.

“I thought you would be asleep,” Laurie told her as she watched Angela pour her self a cup of coffee.

She didn’t answer right away but waited until Angela was seated at the counter.

“I only was able to convince Suzie to go to sleep a little while ago. She was still excited about having seen Santa Claus and all the Christmas presents we bought.”

“Well, at least it will be a Merry Christmas for her. She’s too young to fully realize how much things have changed.”


“Why do things have to change? Your mother is here. The rest of your family will be here Christmas Day. Laurie, your father would have wanted us to be celebrating Christmas, not continue to mourn him. And for that matter, your mother went with us and had a terrific time. I think even she is getting into the Christmas spirit.”

“Well, I’m glad of that,” Laurie answered. “Or maybe she’s just covering up her real feelings.”

Angela remembered what Bettie had told her early that day about crying alone in her room sometimes. Yet, she was sure that Bettie hadn’t been covering up anything. She had truly enjoyed the shopping trip with her and Suzie. Angela didn’t bother replying to Laurie.

“So, what did Suzie ask Santa to bring her?” Laurie asked.


Angela was quiet for a long time, not sure if she should even tell Laurie what had happened. “Well, it was a difficult moment for all of us. She asked Santa to let her grandpa come home from heaven for Christmas.”

“Great, just great,” Laurie said angrily. “I told you we should tell her the truth about Santa. Now she wants the impossible! And what exactly did Santa tell her!”

“Don’t raise your voice, Laurie. He told her there were just some things even Santa couldn’t do. It’s okay.”


“Well, I think after this year we should start being honest with her. She’s way too old for such nonsense.”

Angela decided not to argue the point as she had done earlier. Especially since she didn’t tell Laurie that Suzie hadn’t given up.

Angela got up to pour herself some more coffee. Her cup was still half full, but she wanted to avoid telling Laurie the rest of the story.

“But you will try, won’t you Santa?” Suzie had pressed Santa. “Even if you can’t you just have to try.”

The department store Santa had looked at Suzie not knowing what to say. “We’ll see what we can do,” was all he had told her. “But I can’t promise you Suzie. So don’t be disappointed if Santa can’t bring him home.”

“I won’t, Santa!” she had said climbing down off his lap. “Thank you Santa, thank you.” Although he had told Suzie he couldn’t promise anything, she had still taken his word as gold.

Angela returned reluctantly to the counter and decided to change the subject. “Do you have to work tomorrow?” she asked.

“No," Laurie answered. Then quickly added, "But I may have to go into the hospital to check on some patients.”

“Glenn and Dag are coming over with their kids to decorate the house for Christmas and put up a tree. With you working all the time, Mom was afraid that you and I wouldn’t have the time to do it, and she can’t do it alone. I’m sure they are looking forward to you being here also.”

“Do you really think we should be putting up Christmas decorations after everything that has happened? What’s the point? I mean sometimes you and mom act like everything’s the same. Well it isn’t, and it will never be the same again.”

Angela took a deep breath, trying to control her anger. Somehow she managed to speak softly. “Look, Laurie, I’ll say this again. I know you’re hurting. We all are. But you can’t mourn your father forever. He wouldn’t have wanted that. He would have wanted us to celebrate just as if he were here. You know how much he loved the holidays.”


“It’s just too soon, Angela. I think we should have more respect, that’s all.”

“I can’t think of any better way to show our respects for your father than doing what your mom and I know he would want us to do, and that’s to keep on living. I think you know that too Laurie, and the sooner you start to come to terms with it the better for all of us, especially Suzie. I’m going to bed. You can stay up and do whatever it is you’re going to do.”

Without saying another word, and not giving a chance for Laurie to respond, Angela left the kitchen and headed upstairs. She wanted to cry, but she knew she couldn’t. It would serve no purpose. The truth was she wanted their life back the way it was. She wanted to be back in their home in Los Angeles, lying in their bed, lying in each others arms. She wanted her weekends back, when along with their daughter Suzie they would spend many hours at the beach, the movies, the zoo, Disneyland, and many other places. But most of all Angela wanted them to have another child, and then one after that just as they had planned. She loved Laurie, loved her with all of her heart, but if things didn’t change soon…..

“If things didn’t change soon, then what?” Angela thought to herself. “Would she be forced to leave, along with Suzie? Would she have the courage to do so, even though she loved Laurie with every ounce of her being? Would such a move shock Laurie enough to break down the wall Laurie had built around herself?”

Whatever the questions were, Angela didn’t have the answers. And they didn’t need to be answered now anyway. She quickly put on a nightgown, climbed under the covers, and fell into a deep sleep.

In the kitchen, Laurie continued to sip on her coffee. The fact was Angela would never and could never understand what she was going through. Neither could her mother or anyone else. How could they? They didn’t understand. Joe should never have been there that night. He didn’t want to be there, and only Laurie’s childish nagging and pouting had convinced him to go totally against his will. If it hadn’t been for that, her father would still be alive. In her mind, she was as guilty as the man who had pulled the trigger.

The idea of decking the halls with boughs of holly made her stomach churn. She had no operations scheduled, and Angela knew that. Laurie would have to find some other reason to escape the festivities as much as she possibly could. Wearily she put her cup in the dishwasher and crept upstairs to confront her nightmare once again.

(To Be Continued)
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