Laurie & Dag: Part IX

(Author's Notes: Hello, and for those of you who have been reading Laurie and Dag, I know it's been a while since the last installment. It won't be near as long for the next and final installment. At the time that I had finished uploading Part Eight, I knew it would be a while before I could upload the first half of the conclusion. But finally I was able to start work on it.

Here basically is what it takes to get one of these uploaded.

The first step is to take the original text, and transfer it to Word for re-editing. This is not as easy as it would seem because the amount of text you can transfer at a time is limited. This is due to the original interface of The Sims 2 game.

After I get it transferred I begin to read, and as I read I do my best to fix previous errors in continuity that I have missed. It is also at this time that I re-write weak sections, and sometimes add more to it. So far the most I have added to the story was when Bettie left the hospital to visit Kurt's home. That scene was not in the original text, but I felt it was needed in a big way to understands Kurt's motives later in the story. That's just an example.

After finally rewriting the text, I then begin going through the pictures and re-editing them, fixing them when I think it is necessary. Just about every picture needs something done to it, because for some reason many seem to have become corrupt and lost a certain amount of contrast and brightness. Also, in the original Sims interface, they all had to be the same size. By editing them I am able to focus the attention in some of the pictures more on the characters and less on their surroundings.

After I finish that task, I transfer the text to blogger. I then begin uploading each picture individually and placing it alongside the appropriate text. As there are usually a hundred or more pictures for each part, this is a very time consuming process and can take two or three days to accomplish. As I upload and place each picture, I do my best to read the surrounding text, and often will rewrite small sections once again.

After all the pictures have been upload, I will on occasion write some explanatory stuff like this to place at the beginning. I finally publish it on Blogger. After doing that I have to check again and see if any pictures need moved, as there almost always is one or two for one reason or another. Finally, after that I have to change the corresponding links on this blog and my other blog Clyde's All Purpose Corner. Then and only then is it finished.

So what happened with this part of Laurie and Dag is that I was uploading the pictures and matching them to the corresponding text. I was about eighty per cent finished when through either a blogger glitch or something else I had may have done, a good many of the pictures had disappeared. To make matters worse, much of the text became jumbled, paragraph markers were gone, and whole sections of the story were in places they shouldn't have been. In other words, I had one big mess.

Unfortunately, since it was almost like starting over again, it took me a while to find the time to redo it but here it is. It also taught me to try and remember to save my work as a draft more often. So thank you for your patience, and I'll try to be much quicker on the finale.

The reason that The Conclusion is split into two parts is that I originally wrote it as one. Because of it's length however, I couldn't upload it to The Sims original site as one part so it became necessary to split it in half. It is the same reason I am doing it here. To upload it as one part make editing it very difficult as you upload and place more and more pictures. So that's the main reason for that.)

Recap:

In the last episode, Glenn became serious about his relationship with Dina. Ronnie and Dina's first meeting left something to be desired and frustrated Glenn. Dag's relationship with Reg continued, although her thoughts were about Glenn.

Both Ada and Dag became angry when Glenn tried to skip out on Ronnie's birthday to be with Dina. Glenn ended up taking Ronnie to Dina's house on his birthday.

Laurie received a frantic phone call from Gail. Gail pleaded with Laurie to help her get an abortion, and although hesitant at first Laurie agreed to. Kurt forced Chuck to pay his share of the abortion, and Gail became depressed about her predicament.

Glenn, Dina and Ronnie went to meet Dag when the school had parent/teachers conferences. Dag and Glenn share a special moment in front of Dina. Later at the arcade, Ronnie introduces Glenn and Dina to his friend Cherry. When Dina remarks about Ronnie's crush he feels as though Glenn has betrayed him. Dina asks Glenn to send Ronnie to his brother for a while so the two of them can start their marriage off on the right foot. While Glenn and Dina were involved with each other at Dina's home, Ronnie sneaks out and leaves. When Glenn finally noticed him missing, he called the police.

In this episode:

Glenn and Dag have a major falling out. Laurie helps Gail after her abortion. A secret is revealed to Dag. Laurie receives an unexpected surprise. Angela Jordin makes a shocking discovery.

~~~46~~~

~~~Narration by Dag~~~

After Glenn had left the school with Dina and Ronnie, I felt a little bit guilty about having been so catty. The funniest thing of the whole meeting was that Ronnie was right. Looking at her platinum hair did remind me of Cruella DeVille. Yet, for all I knew she could probably make Ronnie a very good mother if that was what Glenn so desired.

Yet there was that one brief moment, after Glenn had read Ronnie’s little essay, that I had noticed things about him that I hadn’t before. He was certainly handsome in a rugged sort of way. Yet that night that he kissed me he showed how warm and gentle he could be. When he had read Ronnie’s essays his eyes had kind of lit up. At that moment, I suddenly wished we had been alone together again, as we had been for those few moments on New Year’s Eve.

I was at the school for another hour, before the last parent and student left and was exhausted. Reggie came over to my room and asked if I wanted to go get a bite to eat but I declined. Instead I went home, took a long shower, and climbed into bed. I was sleeping soundly and peacefully when I heard a knock at the door, thought it was probably someone at the wrong apartment, and debated whether to get up to answer it. I buried my head under my pillow hoping it would stop, but it continued and only got exceedingly louder. All I could do was sigh and throw on my robe.

I went to the door and peeked out. There was a man in a police uniform and standing next to him was Ronnie. I quickly opened the door.

Ronnie had tears in his eyes. “Ronnie! What’s going on, where’s your father?”

“He’s….he’s…at…Dina’s house,” he said.

“Then you do know this boy?” the police officer said.

“Yes, yes, he’s my neighbor. They live right across the hall.”

“Do you know how to contact his parents?” he asked.

“Yes, come on in.” I was now wide awake. The policeman and Ronnie entered my apartment.

“Where did you find him at?” I asked.

“Well, he made it downtown okay, but a motorist couldn’t figure out what a child of his age was doing walking around town alone this time of night. So he stopped, made sure he was all right and called us.”

I had about a hundred questions but instead I decided I had better hurry and call Glenn. He would be worried sick.

Thankfully, I had his cell phone number, which I quickly dialed.

“Hello!” Glenn answered. And just the way he had said that one word was enough to let me know he was in a panic.

“Glenn, this is Dag! Ronnie’s here at my door with a police officer.”

“The Police! Where did they find him? There’s a police officer here now and they’re getting ready to go out and look for him! How did he get all the way into town?” His voice had turned to anger.

“I don’t know Glenn, I haven’t had a chance to find out. Just come on home. I’ll take care of him until you get here!”

I turned back to the officer. “His father’s on the way here.”

The officer turned to Ronnie. “Ronnie, you could have gotten into a lot of trouble running off like that and worrying your father. There’s a lot of people out there who aren’t as nice as the gentleman who called us. It could have just as easily have been someone who would have wanted to hurt you.”

“I’m sorry,” Ronnie said through his tears. “I won’t do it again, I promise.”

“I guess it’ll be okay for me to leave,” he said. “Sorry to bother you miss.”

I had never been angry with Ronny before but I was now.

“Ronnie! What could you have been thinking of? The officer is right! Somebody could have kidnapped you and we’d have never seen you again.”

“I’m sorry, Dag, I won’t do it again.”

“Why, Ronnie? Why did you run off? Glenn must have been half sick with worry!”

“No he isn’t. He didn’t even see me leave. He was with Dina! They were on the couch smooching! Dag, Dad’s going to marry Dina! I don’t like Dina!”

I picked him up and carried him over to the couch.

“Ronnie, your dad is right. You cannot dislike Dina just because of her hair!”

“It’s not just her hair! Ever since Dad’s been dating her, he hardly ever takes me anywhere. Even on my birthday we went to her house and didn’t even go see mom. And he’s never home! And she’s like a gypsy, Dag. She can see things!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Ronnie,” I scolded him. “She’s not a gypsy.”

“But Dad hasn’t been spending time with me anymore! You know that Dag. And if he marries Dina, he’ll never want to be with me again. It’s not like it was when mom was here! We used to do things together. It was always the three of us.”

Ronnie was right. I had seen it all along. Glenn had begun ignoring Ronnie quite a bit since Dina had entered his life. I didn’t expect Glenn to have to cater to Ronnie every second of the day, but lately, it seemed as if Dina had completely overtaken his life at a time when Ronnie needed him most. Ronnie continued to cry and I comforted him until he fell asleep in my arms.

Glenn hadn’t arrived yet, so I carried Ronnie in and laid him on my bed.

I sat nervously waiting on the couch for Glenn to show up. I didn’t have long to wait. He didn’t even bother to knock but came running into my apartment.

“Where is he?” he yelled.

“Shh…he’s asleep Glenn, you’ll awaken him. Let’s go over to your apartment so you have a chance to calm down.” I pushed him toward the door and we went out into the hallway. I closed the door behind us.

“Dag, what is he trying to do? Why did he come to you?” Glenn was almost in tears.

“He said you were going to marry Dina. And he wanted to do something about it.”

“He wanted to what?” Glenn yelled and yelled loudly. “That’s ridiculous Dag, that meathead kid”

“Don’t be too rough on him. He’s all right, isn’t that the main thing?” I told him. I quickly explained to him how Ronnie had ended up at my apartment with a policeman bringing him to my door. “He told them to bring him here. He was looking for me.”

That only helped to make Glenn angrier than he already was. “That’s exactly what I mean! Why is he looking for you?”

“Glenn, I don’t want you yelling. You’ll wake him up and he’s had a bad time!”

“HE’S HAD A BAD TIME!? HE’S HAD A BAD TIME! Do you have any idea what I’ve been through tonight?”

“Yes, I know, Glenn. You’ve been through a lot also.” I was doing my best to keep my cool, hoping that it would help calm him down. It wasn’t working.

“Well thank you for those SMALL CRUMBS,” He said sarcastically, yelling the small crumbs part at the top of his voice.

“Glenn, you’re not going to disturb him until you calm down!” It wasn’t that I thought Ronnie shouldn’t be punished. I did, but not until Glenn was thinking with a clear head.

“Disturb him?” he yelled again. “I’m going to do a helluva lot more than that!” he yelled at me.

“Don’t you touch him!” I yelled back at him. Now I was losing my patience.

It was quite apparent how loud the two of us had become when one of the neighbors yelled from the upstairs balcony. “Will you two shut up? Some of us are trying to get some sleep.”

“There now,” I yelled at him. “Do you see what you’ve done?”

I pushed him toward his apartment door. I got him headed in the right direction but it wasn't easy. Glenn kept wanting to turn back around and argue some more. Finally when I got him to the door, he fumbled through his keys, unlocked it and we went inside.

“Alright. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to let him run loose? Do anything he likes, just so he crawls back and rests in your comforting arms?”

“That’s a terrible thing to say!” I told him.

“If he’s going to come back to anybody let him come back to me,” Glenn told me.

“It was you he was running away from,”

“From me? What have I done to that boy? It’s an offense to humanity what I’ve done to him!”

Our argument was interrupted by the ringing of the phone and Glenn went to answer it.

“Hello…..Dina, listen I got here and it became sort of involved. Can I call you back?” Glenn hung up the phone and turned back to me.

“All right, go ahead and say it. My partner in my criminal offense.”

“I never mentioned the woman,” I reminded him.

“You and Ronnie must have had quite a conversation. It’s no wonder there are any pieces of Dina left to pick up.”

“I don’t have to stand for this from you or anybody,” I yelled at him.

He pointed his finger at me. “Look, as a matter of record, she has not done one single thing to make this boy dislike her. All this nonsense about white hair and Cruella. Not one single thing and you make her out to be Dracula.”

“I couldn’t care less about her,” I yelled back at him. “It’s Ronnie I’m worried about.”

“Would you please let me worry about Ronnie for a change. He is my son isn’t he? Everybody knocking him and bouncing him back and forth to get to me”

Now I was even angrier. My friendship with Ronnie never had a thing to do with getting to him. “To get to you! That is without a doubt the most egotistical, sickening…….the irresistible Don Juan, lines of women climbing over children to swoon at your feet. No trick too devious, no child too small. Maybe if you spent more time with your son instead of going out and pretending to be some Casanova, you might just begin to understand how much he misses his mother and how much he does need you.”

From the anger in his face, I could tell my words had hit home. And he wasted no time in firing back at me.

“Ohhhhh!” he said sarcastically. “I can certainly see how you pushed your Professor Andy into another woman’s bed to get laid! And if your schoolteacher is smart enough, he’ll run for his freaking life!”

I didn’t even think. I didn’t even hesitate. I walked over and as hard as I could I slapped him causing Glenn to step backward. He turned away from me.

“If you think I’m going to fall apart and say I’m sorry, you’re out of luck.” I told him vehemently.

Glenn was quiet for a very long time before he turned back around. When he began to speak, he spoke softly and quietly for the first time. The fight had gone out of him as it had me.

“All right. I deserved it. I’m a louse. Look, what is there about you that I always…….you told me one time that I was afraid that any woman who would walk through that door might want to make it a permanent visit. Well, you were right. You see, I always was afraid of getting involved, of being disloyal. In a lot of ways, you seemed so much like Joyce……Dina made me forget about Joyce, and maybe that wasn’t a good thing either. But haven’t you been doing the same thing? In a different sort of way”

“What do you mean,” I asked him.

“Isn’t the real reason you are going out with Reggie is because he’s safe and comfortable? Isn’t it because you are afraid of getting involved? Isn’t it because you’re afraid of another failure? Isn’t that the truth?”

His words stung and they hurt. Not because they were mean. But because they were the truth. I was beginning to cry, and I didn’t want him to see me cry, so I ran out of his apartment and back over to mine.

I was wiping away my tears when Ronnie came walking slowly out of the bedroom.

“It’s me isn’t it,” he said quietly. “I heard you talking loud. Do you want to spank me or something?” he asked.

“It isn’t you, Ronnie.”

“You mean Dad made you cry? Boy, he sure is a dope sometimes.”

“He’s not a dope,” I told him firmly. “You mustn’t talk that way. Your father was very worried about you and I don’t blame him.”

“But I told you….”

“Never mind what you told me, Ronnie. What you did was wrong and I’m ashamed of you. That’s strictly your father’s decision and you have no right to interfere. I think you should go over there and tell him you’re sorry”

“You want him to marry, Dina?”

“If that’s what he wants to do and he loves her, yes.”

“All right then,” he said as he walked slowly towards the door.

And then, I knew what I had to do whether I wanted to or not. Glenn was right about one thing. Ronnie had to be able to come to him. I swallowed hard. “And Ronnie….I don’t think you should come over here. At least for a while.”

He lowered his head and walked out of the apartment as a tear began to slide slowly down his cheek, leaving me to tears of my own.

~~~47~~~

~~~Written by Glenn Hamilton~~~

After Dag had rushed out of the apartment I went into the bathroom to wash my face off with cold water. It was still flushed. I had told Dag I was a louse, and I certainly felt like one. Even though I knew what I had said about her was the true, the things she had said about me were just as true, and even more painful to face. Worse than that, she had tried to tell me the same things in a much subtler way in the classroom, and I had ignored it. I had also been ignoring Ronnie for my fling with Dina. I had made excuse after excuse for myself where there really was none. Ronnie, had used Dina’s hair color only as a way of stating his feelings, and the reason he felt that way is because I had made no effort whatsoever to bring them together. Other than the first time they had met at the restaurant, the night of Ronnie’s birthday party, and this evening when Dina had more or less invited herself along, they had spent no time with each other, and Dina had kept me from spending the time with Ronnie that was needed.

It was no wonder then that he had looked to Dag for understanding and comfort. He had not had any from me.

I walked back out into the living room, just as Ronnie entered the apartment.

“Dad, I’m sorry.” He said beginning to lightly sob. “Are you going to spank me?”

“No,” I said softly.

“It was bad what I done. Don’t you want to yell at me even?”

I shook my head and momentarily looked away. How do you tell a seven year old you’re sorry for being such a jerk. I thought back to when I had told him that as long as we told each other what was on our mind, we would be okay. Ronnie had kept his part of the bargain, I had not.

“I promise, dad, from now on I’ll like Dina. You’ll see, I’ll like her a lot. I’ll buy her a present and everything.”

“Ronnie, Do you know what you put me through tonight?”

“Yeah,” he nodded his head.

“I wonder. You know Ronnie, you are the most important thing in the world to me. If anything should ever happen to you, if I didn’t know where you were for a day, or a week, I don’t know what I’d do.”

“I guess I didn’t think.” He said.

“I guess you didn’t.”

“But I won’t do it again, dad. I won’t ever leave you again. Even when I grow up I won’t leave you. I’ll stay right here if you want me to.”

I nodded. “Go on into your room, Ronnie, and get ready for bed. I'll be in to tuck you in in a minute."

I told him that just as the phone rang and I waited until he was in his room to answer it because I was sure it would be Dina calling back.

“Hello, Dina, I was going to call you,” I told her.

“What happened to Ronnie?” she asked.

“He’s home now. He’s in his room,” I told her.

“Is he all right?” she asked.

“Yeah, he’s fine. Don’t worry about him.” I knew what was coming next and what my answer to her would be.

“Good,” she replied. “Then we’ll meet tomorrow for lunch?”

I took a breath. “Look, you see I think it would be a good idea if I took some time off from work, and spent it with Ronnie. You see, he’s still very fragile right now, and I’ve been kind of overlooking it. So I think this would be a good idea right now.”

“I see,” she replied.

“You understand, then.” I told her. I hoped she would know exactly what I meant, that there was no longer a thought of the two of us having a future together and that there would be no more luncheons, dinners, or late evening carousing.

“Yes, of course. I understand, Glenn. We’ll make it some other time then.” But the sound of her voice told me that she had understood my meaning. There would be no other time.

“Goodnight Dina,”

“Goodnight, Glenn.” She said softly and hung up the phone, as did I. I walked slowly into Ronnie’s bedroom. I would be there with him until he fell asleep.

~~~48~~~

~~~Narration by Laurie~~~

I spent the rest of spring break with Gail, having gone home only once for a change of clothing, and a quick explanation to Mom. On the ride home from the clinic, Gail had been quiet, looking silently out the window as if she were ashamed to face either Kurt or I. When we arrived home, she went up to bed. I sat with her until she fell asleep, and Kurt hung around downstairs.

“Is she going to be okay?” he asked.

“I think so,” I told him, but I wasn’t so sure. “I think she’s feeling a bit of shame over what happened, not just the abortion, but the fact that none of this would have happened if she hadn’t quit taking the pill or if she hadn’t been such an easy mark for Chuck. It will take a very long time for her to heal. Not physically, but emotionally.”

“If there is anything she needs Laurie, or anything you need, just give me a call,” he had told me. "I'll stop in Saturday and see how she's doing"

“I will Kurt. And thanks again for……”

He laughed. “For being a good guy.”

“Well, you are,” I told him.

I walked him to the door and watched silently until he walked out out of sight.

Gail spent most of the next couple of days in bed. It wasn’t that she needed to physically, but she no longer had any desire to get up and do anything. I hung around in her room trying my best to cheer her up with little effect.

On Friday I picked up some darts and began throwing them at her dartboard. Most of the time I was missing the target.


"You're not very good at that," Gail told me.

"Nope, I never have been. Do you have an old picture of Chuck that I can tack up there. I think that'll improve my score."

For the first time that week she actually smiled.

By Saturday, with her mom returning from Vegas the next day, I talked her into getting up by telling her that if she continued to lie in bed, her mom would begin to suspect something. She simply nodded and went in to take a shower.

I went downstairs to fix us a pancake breakfast. When she came down, she looked like a different Gail then the one I had been with for the past week. She had for the first time put some makeup on. She began nibbling at the pancakes.

"Looks like we're both out of a prom date," I told her trying to make conversation.

"I suppose so," she answered. "I guess a few weeks ago the prom and graduation were the most important things I had on my mind. Now the prom seems so trivial. I probably won't even go!"

"Oh no you don't!," I told her. "I'm going, date or no date. And I'm not going be left sitting there twiddling my thumbs. You'll go if I have to tie you up and drag you there."


"Well, you're not the best looking date I've ever had, but I suppose you'll have to do," she told me. And this time she took a full bite of her pancakes. I was pleased.

"That may be true," I told her. "But I'll certainly be the smartest date you ever had."

She laughed again. "I won't argue with that, Laurie!"

Just as he said he would, Kurt soon arrived and we decided to take a walk through the neighborhood.

We were all pretty quiet as we walked away from the house. A feeling of sadness had come over me. In just a few short weeks we would be graduating, and our lives would change forever. Kurt and Gail were quiet also, and I couldn't help but wonder what their thoughts were. At times, I would catch Gail looking at Kurt, almost admiringly and I knew she was thinking why couldn't Chuck have been half the person Kurt was. It was Gail who finally broke the silence when she stopped and turned to us.

"Where do you think the three of us will be, ten, twenty or even thirty years from now," she asked. "We will all be going our separate ways, doing separate things, and living separate lives. I would hate it if ten years from now I didn't know where either one of you were or that we weren't a part of each other's lives."

Now I was getting depressed. Kurt saved the day.


"Let's make a pact, right here and now," he said. "That no matter where we are, or what our lives are like we'll always be friends, and that we'll write each other and call each other often."

I smiled. I knew that pacts like these were somehow quickly forgotten as years passed, but somehow this was different. The trials of the past year as bad as they had sometimes been, had in a way, helped to form a bond between the three of us.

"Sounds like a plan!" I told Kurt. And Gail seemed happy. I think she needed it more than either one of us. Her future was as uncertain as mine was now. We made our solemn vow to be friends always.

When we returned home, Kurt had to leave. Gail and I sat in the living room watching TV. She had grown quiet again, and I was afraid she was sinking back into her depression. When she finally spoke it almost made me jump.

“You know Laurie, I really shouldn’t have been so stupid.” She told me. “I should have realized how Chuck was a long time ago. You tried to tell me, mom tried to tell me, heck even your mom mentioned it a few times. Why was I so blind?”

I shrugged. “It could happen to anybody,” I told her. “I guess there are a lot of reasons people fall in love. Sometimes love blinds a person to someone’s faults. Look at Dag and Andy. We all saw him for what he was. She didn’t see it until he cheated on her.”

She got up off of the couch and sat on the floor with me.

“I suppose so. At least Dag got out of the relationship in tact.”


“I don’t know about that, Gail. I think Dag is really interested in her neighbor, but her relationship with Andy is keeping her from acting on it. I think she’s afraid of falling in love again. So I wouldn’t say she got out of that relationship unscathed. And I know it had to hurt her more than she lets on around us.”

“I guess your first big breakup is the hardest,” she said. “Look at what happened to you when you broke up with Kurt. But both of you seem okay about it now.”

“Honest, Gail. I wish I could talk about that. But I can’t. Not yet. Maybe one of these days.”

“I know Laurie. I didn’t mean that I wanted you to tell me about it. But I wonder what it would have looked like, Laurie if it had become a baby. Sometimes I think about that. It’s not that I regret doing it. I know it was the right choice for me. But I keep thinking about the future, and how often I’ll stop and think about how it might have looked if I had let it grown into a baby.”

“Gail, that’s probably a normal way to feel. I imagine there will be times you’ll question whether what you did was the right thing. Kurt thinks you did. I didn’t think so at first, but now I know you did. You were right, you weren’t ready to take care of a child, and your mother has earned her right to live her life unburdened, something she wouldn’t have been able to do because she would have insisted on keeping it. You know that and I know that.”

She looked at me. “Laurie, I feel like I’ve aged ten years in the past month.”

Well, Gail, sometimes I feel the same way. I think that’s a sign that we are both grown up.”

She mulled it over. “You know, I hope you’re right. I hope I have finally grown up. I’ll be okay now.”

“I know you will be, Gail”

On Sunday, Marcella returned home. It had been the first real vacation she had had in ages, and she couldn’t stop talking about it. Gail asked her a thousand questions, and the fact that Marcella, for the first time in her life, could enjoy herself so thoroughly, pleased her no end. She did mention Chuck though, and asked if he had been over.

“No mom,” Gail told her. “Chuck and I broke up.”

“I’m sorry, Gail. I know you cared a great deal about him,” Marcella told her.

“But mom, you never did like him. I thought you would be pleased.”

“I know, Gail. But all I’ve ever really wanted out of life is for you to be happy. I’ve never wanted to see you hurt. You’re my baby girl.”

“Mom, I’m not a baby anymore.”

“That may be true,” Marcella told her. “But you’ll always be my baby.”

It was time for me to leave. Gail would be okay. As I left, Marcella thanked me for coming over and keeping Gail company, that she knew that the breakup between Gail and Chuck had probably been difficult, and was thankful that Gail had such a good friend. She gave me a hug and I left.

I could tell that the first few days back at school were difficult for Gail, but I knew exactly how she felt, having experienced the same thing when I returned from my illness. Thanks to Kurt, Chuck did every thing he could to avoid Gail, and she was glad of that. She told me she could no longer stand the sight of him. But in a few days, things returned to normal. Gail suddenly seemed to take her school work more seriously, even to the point of studying with me in the library. The Prom, Finals, and Graduation were fast approaching.

Then one afternoon when we were in Elizabeth Schaeffer’s classroom and just as school was about to end there came an announcement over the loudspeaker from Principal Harding.

“As you know, every year at this time it is my pleasure to announce the senior class valedictorian. This is an exceptional honor for any student in any high school. There were several fine candidates for the honor this year based on many criteria. The Senior valedictorian who will speak at commencement this year is Laurie Baker. Be sure to offer your congratulations to her.”


A chill suddenly ran up not only my spine, but throughout my whole body. I knew it had been a possibility, but it was not something that I thought I would achieve or had gone out of my way to try to acquire. I looked around.

The whole class was staring at me. Then Gail, stood up, and she applauded. “Congratulations, Laurie,” she yelled. And then everybody in the room stood up, surrounded me, and broke into applause.

“Thank you,” was all I could tell them. “Thanks everybody.” I was totally embarrassed.

On my way out of journalism class, Elizabeth Schaeffer stopped me.

“Laurie, I can’t tell you how happy this makes me. I can’t think of any student who is more deserving,” she told me.

"Thanks, Elizabeth. Having you tell me that means more to me than you'll ever know."

"Do you have any idea what your speech is going to be about," she asked.

I laughed. "I don't have a clue. I really hadn't even thought about ever being valedictorian."

"I'm sure you'll think of something, Laurie. You always seem to manage somehow. Your article that you did with Angela and the one you did with Kurt proves that."


I suppose so." But I couldn't help but think how much I wished Angela was there to share the moment with me. I started to walk away then turned back to her.

"I'm really going to miss you, Elizabeth," I told her.

"I'm going to miss you too, Laurie." She hugged me and I returned the hug. When we finally broke apart, she quickly wiped away a tear as did I.

"Now go on home," she said quickly. "Before I start blubbering. I'm sure you're parents will be very pleased and very proud of you!" I smiled at her and walked out of the room.


When I got home, mom and dad were sitting in the living room. Keith was busy banging on his Xylophone. The other kids were up in their rooms doing homework already.

“You’re running a little late today,” Mom said. “Problems at school?”

“No, mom. No problems. I had a lot of people stopping me in the hallway. They wanted to congratulate me.”

“Congratulate you? What for?” Dad asked.

“I was named Class Valedictorian,” I told him.

He jumped up off the couch, as did mom. Mom literally screamed. Dad rushed over to hug me. “I can’t believe it! It looks like all these years of hard work have paid off Laurie. This is quite an honor”

I thought he was going to squeeze me to death before he let go. Then it was mom’s turn. “I’m so proud of you, Laurie. I can’t wait to tell, Dag. She’ll be so excited. I think it’ll be our proudest moment seeing you up there in front of all of those people giving a speech.”

“Yes, but I don’t have any idea what to give a speech about,” I told her. “Not a clue.”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something. I’m going to go call your sister, unless you want to?”

I laughed. “No mom, you can call her. I’ve had enough congratulations for one day.


Mom ran to the telephone, while I bent down to Keith.

"Your big sister is going to give a speech in front of a lot of people, Keith! What do you think of that? Isn't she the stuff!" Keith clapped as if he knew what I was talking about. "I thought you would be pleased," I told him.

Over the next few days, I thought long and hard about what to write. But nothing would come to mind. I had exactly three weeks to come up with an idea, but the harder I thought the more I drew blanks. So after three days of coming up empty, I decided not to think about it for a couple of days and to try to empty my mind out. But that very same night of the day that I had made that decision, as I lay down in my bed to go to sleep, I began to think about my life. I thought about my birth mother Susan and how she had bravely sacrificed her own life for mine. I thought about my father who had raised me, and Bettie, the only mother I had ever really known who had accepted me as if I were her own. I thought about Kurt, who had stood by me despite what I had done to him. I thought of Elizabeth Schaeffer, who had taken a stance in my behalf and had paid for it dearly. I thought about how she so badly wanted to live her life the way she wanted to.

And I thought about other things. I thought how Kurt had become friends with Chuck because he had thought it was necessary to fit in, and how much he now regretted that. I thought about Gail, and how she had tried so hard to be the woman Chuck wanted her to be, and the disaster it had finally led to. But most of all I thought about Angela and I, and how if we could have been honest with each other and proclaimed our love for each other without fear, without thinking it might be wrong, that things would have turned out so much differently. And when I finished thinking about all those things, I climbed out of bed.


The clock at the bottom of the computer screen said three a.m. But I didn't care. I began to type, almost feverishly. Time flew by, and the sun came up but I ignored it as I continued to work. But finally I finished, and as I did I looked back at the computer screen which now said 8 a.m. I saved my work and climbed into bed, thankful that it was a Saturday.

~~~49~~~

~~~Narration by Angela Jordan~~~

For what seemed to me to be the the first time a long time, mom had chosen me over my father. That being said, it seemed she still had a great deal of problems with me being a lesbian and it was going to be a long arduous task to get her to accept that totally irreversible fact of nature.

“I just don’t understand why you would want to be a lesbian,” she would tell me over and over again.

And each time I would answer her the same way, “Mom, people do not choose to be a lesbian, homosexual, bisexual, gay, queer or whatever you want to call it. That is what they are, that is what they were meant to be. Nobody in their right mind would choose to be that way and feel like they are forced to live in the shadows and be discriminated against."

And then she would say, “Oh, I see.” But she didn’t see anything at all. I would have done just as well to talk to a brick wall.

“But Angela,” she would tell me. “Maybe if
you went to get some counseling, or to a psychiatrist, it could be that you have some resentment of your father that makes you think you are a lesbian.” That almost would have made me laugh, if she hadn’t been so serious about it.

“Yes, mom, I do resent my father. I resent my father for taking me away from my friend when he didn’t have to; I resent my father for the terrible things he said to me that night we came home. Before that I had accepted the fact that we would always be moving and I begrudgingly accepted his iron fisted rules for both you and I. I am not gay because I resent what my father did and said to me. And mom, I am not a slut, and I’m not a whore.”

“I know you aren’t Angela, and I understand.” But the truth was she didn’t really understand at all. When Dad had moved out, he called and asked mom to bring him some of his clothes and that was that. Or so I thought. The first week, that he was gone, he would call to yell at mom, and if she wasn’t around he would call to yell at me although he had toned down his language quite a bit. But I got fed up with his phone calls and had our number changed and unlisted. That didn't go over too well with Mom at all as she asked who did I think I was to make such a decision?

“If he wants to talk to you that’s fine,” I told her adamently. “But I don’t want him calling and hassling me. If you want to talk to him, then you call him. Don’t give him the new phone number or next time I’ll just get it disconnected.”

I have to give him credit for one thing. He didn’t let us starve and did start sending mom a small check to help us get buy. Of course, the courts would have eventually made him pay up anyway if Mom divorced him so it wasn’t entirely from the goodness of his heart. It wasn’t enough to keep the two of us from having to cut expenses however. I no longer had broadband on the computer, and was stuck with a discount internet dial-up service that included a new email account. My first instinct was to write Laurie an email with my new account address, until I remembered what she had done. But still, despite what Dad had said, I had the nagging feeling there was more to the story than what he had told us.

Mom got a part time job in a restaurant to help out with expenses. I got a job after school, cleaning some downtown offices. I figured it was the least I could do to help out. Besides, it wasn’t as if I had a whole lot of friends to hang out with. I had decided to go to a community college after high school, hopefully besides somewhere in South Carolina. I began saving every cent I could working towards that goal, even if it meant I would have to wait an extra year to be able to do it. Mom made a few friends at work that she would go out with some times. Not guy friends, mind you. Despite everything she was still in love with my father. And neither of them had made a move to file for a divorce.

One evening she came home talking about one of those new friends.

“And Sylvia has a son about your age. She thinks you two would make a nice couple. She wants to fix you up on a date.” I sighed long and loud.

“Mother, wait here. Don’t move.”

I ran into the bedroom, clicked on the computer, went to the website I was looking for, found the page and quickly printed it out which took some time because it was at least twenty or thirty pages and used whatever ink I had left in my printer. And with the cost of printer ink being what it was, it would be a while before it would be replenished.

I went back to the living room and handed it to her. She read the top of it: “My Child is Gay, What do I do now?” “What do you want me to do with this?” she asked.

“Read it, study it, learn it,” I told her. “And if that doesn’t work, go get some counseling.”

“I don’t need any counseling, Angela. I’m not the one who is gay.”

“There’s a local chapter of PFLAG here I told her. Look it up and seek it out. PFLAG stands for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They have on line information also. If you love me, you’ll begin understanding and accepting who I am. Or at the very least try to. Now, please, don’t set me up with any guys, and don’t ever in your life ask me again why I choose to be a lesbian. Not ever, and I hope I have finally made myself very clear on that score.”

I went into my bedroom and slammed the door She never again tried to convince me I was something I was not, nor did she ever again riddle my ears with her silly uninformed questions.

I wasn’t sure whether she had read the articles but I did see them in her bedroom drawer once when I was cleaning. I did not know if she had taken my advice about counseling either. What I did know was that she began staying late after work several nights a week. She would always tell me she had decided to take in a movie or go out for a drink with one of her friends from work. About half the time she would come home, I knew she was telling the truth. The rest of the time I knew she wasn’t. She would always act a little bit nervous about it. But what my mother did with her free time was her business, just as what I did in my free time was mine. Still I saw no need for her to be so secretive about what she was doing.

Then one night, out of the blue, several months after I had given her the PFLAG information, she sat down with me on the couch as I was watching TV. She turned it off. “I need to talk to you, Angela. It’s really important.”

“What is it, mom?” I asked.

“I want you to know, I’ve been going to those meetings you told me about. I guess I wasn’t very smart about things, you know about the fact that you were a lesbian. It’s just that when you’re brought up all your life to believe a certain thing, and in a certain way, it sticks with you. I’m beginning to understand now, and I just want to tell you I’m sorry.” I wanted to hug her as tight as humanly possible.

“You could have told me, it would have made me feel good that you were just trying to
understand.” “I couldn’t for the same reason that I didn’t understand what it meant to be gay. I thought going to those meetings should be something to be ashamed of, as if admitting I should hide you from the rest of the world. I know it was wrong but what I found out was that there are a lot of parents out there who thought the same things that I did and they were just as wrong as I was.”

Finally I stood up and I did gave her that hug. “I love you, mom.” I told her. “I love you too, Angela.”

Mom continued not only going to the PFLAG meetings but eventually began doing volunteer work for them and also for the Family Planning Association. She had never done any kind of volunteer work before, and to say how proud I was of her was an understatement. Yet, I still had the feeling she was keeping something from me.

In May, just two weeks before graduation, I found out what it was. I had worked late that evening, as the office building I was cleaning needed some special work done, which included windows and blinds. It took me quite a while, and by the time I had finished, I was too hungry to wait until I got home to get something to eat. There was a nice little hamburger joint on the way home, and I had always been meaning to stop in to eat. I headed in that direction and as I approached it, I was hungrier than ever. I didn't look inside before going in. There was no need to. A few seconds later I wish I had.

As soon as I entered the restaurant I saw them. At one of the tables sat my mom, and my father. And my father saw me standing there then quickly hung his head as if he had been caught stealing from the Commander-in-cheif himself. Mom looked around to see what it was that had caused him to halt the conversation and hang his head. When she saw me standing there she quickly jumped up from the table.

I heard her say, "Angela," but I didn't say a word. I simply turned and ran out of the restaurant, my hunger having completely dissolved into an empty churning feeling in the pit of my stomach. I heard mom call my name again, asking me to come back. I didn't turn around but continued to run down the street towards our home. I was angry. Had everything she told me been a lie? Was she now once again crawling back to my father, so that he could reenter my life and tell me what a louse I was?

I didn’t have long to wait for my answer. Because a few minutes later, mom came walking in. “How could you?” I screamed at her. “After the things he said to me? Are you going back to him?”

“I don’t know yet, Angela. But there are some things you just don’t understand.”

“I understand plenty,” I told her. “Everything you’ve done, everything you’ve said to me over these past months has been a lie.” “Angela, hold it right there. I have not lied to you, not once. I still feel the same way as I did when I told you I accepted who you are. This has nothing to do with that.”

“What does it have to do with then?” I asked her defiantly. “You know how he feels about me, can you just accept that?”

“No, Angela. I can’t accept that and I won’t. And your father knows that. It’s time you understood a few things. It’s not like you’re still a child any more. Now sit down!"

I stayed standing. "Angela, I'm still your mother, now I'm ordering you to sit on that couch if you know what's good for you!" I looked at her and knew she meant it. I decided not to test her and slumped down onto the sofa. When I did, she sat next to me and her voice calmed considerably.

“Angela, when I married your father it was supposed to be for better or worse. Yet, I didn’t know that being a military wife would be as difficult as it was. Your father was just starting out when you were born and he was always being shipped out overseas or somewhere. We couldn’t afford for you and I to go with him and be with him. As a result I ended up becoming very lonely, even though I had you to look after. During one of these times when your father was gone, I met another young soldier from the base. He was a friend of your fathers, and Phil asked him to look in on us once in a while when he was gone. You were still just a toddler then. When this young man started coming over I enjoyed his company, as I had no friends and no one to talk to. He made me laugh, could cheer me up all the time, and he would often stay late and we would talk way into the night. One thing led to another and I ended up having an affair with him. We were both feeling guilty about it and decided to break it off, but we didn’t do so in time because we spent one last night together. It was one night we shouldn’t have though, because your father flew home to surprise me, and we were found out. He threatened to put me out on the street, and to take you away from me. I begged and pleaded for his forgiveness."

"In the end, he did forgive me, but I had to swear I would be completely faithful and that when he was far enough along in rank that we could afford it, I would go with him to wherever he might be. That is the promise I had made to him, and it is a promise I always meant to keep.”

I didn’t know whether to be completely angry for her indiscretion, or for the fact that she had dragged me all over the country never once bothering with an explanation. Then again, it had to have been a tough secret to live with all of her life, wondering if I would one day find out that she had not been the perfect wife and mother after all.

“What happened to the fellow that you were having an affair with?” I asked her quietly.

“Well, that was the one concession I had to get from Phil. I would go where he wanted, but he had to promise not to do anything to harm that soldier either physically or career wise. The soldier transferred to another base, and I never heard what became of him. He never called or wrote, and if he had I wouldn’t have written him back.”

“I understand why you made the promise, mother, but what does that have to do with this, Now that you’ve broken free of his grip? And besides that, he hates me. How can you be with him knowing that?”

“Your father doesn’t hate you, Angela”

“You could have fooled me,” I said sarcastically.

“Angela, the only life your father knows is the military. His father was in the service as was his grandfather, and his great grandfather. I guess you could say it’s a family tradition.”

“I know that, but what does that have to do with anything.”

Mom sighed. “Now you’re the one who’s not thinking Angela. Your father was brought up with a certain mind set about homosexuality, just as I was, only his view is far more extreme. He was always told that gay men for example, were a bunch of pansies and sissies by his parents. The church he went to as a child preached that homosexuals were perverts and deviants spawned by Satan. He hated the don’t ask don’t tell policy, and thought they should have stuck with an out right ban. We’re talking about years and years of being taught over and over again to fear and hate something, something of which Phil really knew nothing about, just as I didn’t. But despite everything, Phil loves me and he does love you. I honestly believe that even if I hadn’t made that promise to him, he would have eventually forgiven me.”

“But it doesn’t change the fact that he hates what I am. He’ll never be able to live with that. Not in a million years. How can I forget the way he spoke to me and the way he looked at me that night as if I was something filthy and disgusting and to be thrown out with the trash? I can’t mother and I won’t.”

“I don’t know if he will or not Angela. He’s trying, he’s trying real hard. He wants to come back home and for us to be a family. You’re only looking at the bad things he has done and I can’t blame you for that. But you know it wasn’t all bad Angela. We had some good times as a family and he does miss us. For the past three weeks he’s been going to PFLAG meetings with me. He even said that as soon as his current enlistment is up, he’s going to leave the service so that we can finally settle down and have a home. And Angela, he’s just beginning to understand. I don’t know whether he will be able to come to terms with it or accept it completely, but I’ve already told him, that we can’t be together as a family if he can’t. He’s agreed to that. He does love you, and he does miss you even if he hasn’t always been able to show you the way that he should.”

“So he’s not moving back in?”

“No, Angela. Not until I know he’s ready and that it’s not a temporary act just to get in our good graces. I think eventually he will come around, because he’s outside right now, and he has something he wants to tell you. I don’t know what it is but he says it is probably the most difficult thing he has ever had to do in his life.”

“I don’t want to see him,” I told her angrily. "I'm not ready."

“Angela,” she told me softly. “Do this for me. Just this once. I’ve never asked anything of you before, but I’m asking you to do this. Your father needs to do this.”

“Okay,” I told her. “I’ll do it for your sake, but not for his.”

She got up, went to the door and motioned for him to come in. He walked slowly into the house. “Hello, Angela,” he said. I simply nodded. I thought he had aged quite a bit in just a few months. The restaurant had been dimly lit, so I hadn’t noticed it in our brief encounter there. I tried not looking at him and looked down at the floor instead.

“Angela, I’m not going to ask you to forgive me for the things I said, and the things I’ve done. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I know it’s going to take a long time for you to even consider letting me back into your life. I do love you Angela. I’ve never shown it much, but the way I was raised, men were never supposed to show any outward affection. I had no right to say the things to you that I did, and I’ll never forgive myself for using them on my own flesh and blood. But there’s another reason why I don’t think you’ll ever be able to forgive me.”

“Why is that?” I finally asked and looked up at him. I thought he seemed sincere but how could one tell?

“That night that you came home in with your mother and I told you about Laurie's letter, I lied to you. Laurie didn’t write telling me about you. She wrote you a letter. I was opening the mail, and I thought it was just another bill. I didn’t see the front of the envelope when I opened it, and that’s how I found out about it. When you and your mother came in, I hid the letter, quickly. Maybe if I hadn’t been so shocked and surprised I wouldn’t have acted the way I did.”

I jumped off of the couch as if I had been shot out of an Abrams tank. “How could you!” I screamed at him. “Don’t you know how much Laurie meant to me? Didn’t you even care? I loved her dad, and you destroyed it! You’re right, I’ll never forgive you. Never! I hate you!”

“I’m sorry Angela. There’s no excuse in the world for what I did,” he said softly. “But I do want you to know that I am sorry, and I’ll always regret it. I can’t make it up to you, but I can try to make it right.”

He walked away from me and into the kitchen. He went over to the refrigerator and pulled it away from the wall. I watched as he bent over and reached behind it, and when his hand came out he had an envelope in. The envelope was covered with dust accumulated over the months and he blew it off.

He walked over to me. “Angela, if I wasn’t sincere about the things I said, I wouldn’t be giving you this now. When you and your mother came in that night, I had just finished reading the letter and only had time to throw it behind the fridge when you came in. I can only hope in time that you will forgive me for the awful things I’ve done and said. I’m sorry, Angela.”

He handed me the letter and walked out of the house, his head held down. Mom followed him out, leaving me alone. The envelope of course was opened. It had Laurie’s return address on it but it was clearly addressed to Angela Jordan. I held it in my lap for the longest time staring at it, afraid to open it, afraid of what it might say. My body was trembling and my hands were shaking so much that when I finally did work up the nerve I could barely remove the letter. I let the envelope fall to the floor and began to read.

My Dearest Angela,

I am a Lesbian. Those are four simple words that I thought I would never be able to say, nor to write. I am a Lesbian. Even now it feels strange and awkward to write it. It is the truth that I have spent most of my life denying as so many others before me have done. I have always believed that to be a lesbian, one had to live not only in shame, but in fear, fear that it might not only be true, but that if it would be discovered and that I would be ridiculed, scorned, hated, and forever forced to live as an outcast of society.

When I read your letter that was filled with so much love, warmth, caring, and understanding, I was a coward of the worst kind. Instead of cherishing and accepting your love as I should have, I rejected it. I rejected it because I was not strong enough to accept what was real, what was right, and even more importantly, what was in my own heart. My only thoughts were for myself and my own self preservation.

“I could not possibly be gay.” I have told myself that a million times over the years. I was as normal as everyone else I knew. Well, I was right in one respect. I am normal. What I realize now is that being myself, being gay, does not make me any different than anybody else who inhabits our planet. Even now I do not write those words “I am a Lesbian” with great joy, because I am still afraid of what the future holds for me. But what I am afraid of more than anything is that by waiting so long to come to terms with who I am, I may have lost one person who has meant so much to me. I am afraid that I have lost you forever, my love.

I only have myself to blame for this. If I could have found the courage to have written you just one sentence, or made one simple phone call, then perhaps it would have been different. Saying I’m sorry is not enough for the pain and the hurt that I know I have caused you by my silence, but I do beg for your forgiveness and understanding.

By now, you may have moved on with your life. Perhaps you have even found someone to share that life with. But it is important for you to know that just as you wrote to me that I will always have a special place in your heart, my memories of you will always light my way.

I love you, Angela, not only for the love you have given me, but because you have given me something even greater. You have helped to give me the strength and the courage, not only to face an uncertain future, but you have in some ways helped me accept my true identity. And as it turns out, that may be the greatest gift any person could ever give someone.

All my love,
Forever and always, Laurie

And when I finished reading, I dropped the letter from my hand and it came silently to rest along side the envelope.

~~~50~~~ ~~~Narration by Dag~~~

Although I had become angry with Glenn over some of the things he said, my anger quickly dissipated. He had been wrong about my motives in regards to Ronnie, but he had been right about my relationship with Reg.

I had denied any thought of Glenn as a romantic interest because we had gotten off to such a rocky start. In essence, I had made up my mind that we could never become involved because we had too many differences, differences that could only lead to trouble.

After Andy, I had begun to feel that in order for me to have a relationship with anybody, that certain someone would have to be totally perfect, someone who would bend over backwards to get along with me. But the truth was that I had never really been attracted to such a person. I didn’t want a perfect man, nor did I just want to settle on somebody because they were a safer option. Poor Reg. I probably knew my relationship was going to go nowhere from the start. He was nice, but he was too nice. I didn’t really want someone who would cater to my every need, or treat me as if I was royalty. It was nice to be treated that way occasionally, but it could also become boring and boring was not what I really wanted.

In the days that followed our big blow-up, I saw little of Glenn or Ronnie, although I still saw Ronnie during school hours. It used to be that Glenn would on occasion walk him to my classroom and chat with me for a few minutes if he arrived early enough. Now, he just dropped him off in front of the school, and was there to pick him up immediately afterwards. Glenn seemed to be around the apartment building a lot more, and at times I would look out the window wistfully looking at him and Ronnie going for a swim, wishing I could join them.

One afternoon, Ada stopped by my apartment. She told me that she would be out of town for a few weeks visiting relatives. Glenn had taken a vacation to spend more time with Ronnie, so she was going to go visit a sister.

“I hope you have a good time,” I told her. “I’m glad Glenn is spending some time with Ronnie.”

“So am I. I think it’s best that they have this time alone together…..it’s just that….” She didn’t finish.

“It’s just what Ada?”

“It’s just that somehow I think you should be part of it. I know you care about Ronnie as if he was your own, and you can deny it all you want to but you are in love with Glenn. And I think he feels the same way."

I didn’t answer her right away. “Well, it’s probably best I didn’t butt in anymore. Glenn was terribly upset that night when Ronnie ran away.”

“Yes, and he told me about some of the things he said to you, about Ronnie running to you instead of to him. I reminded him that he had given Ronnie no choice.”

“And what did he say?” “He didn’t say much of anything which means he knows I’m right. I wish you two could just start over from the beginning. If you two weren't such a couple of old.......”

I laughed. "I know, Ada, we're a couple of mules."

"That too," she responded. “I don’t think Glenn and I will be seeing much of each other anymore. We both had some rather harsh and cruel things to say to each other.”

I didn’t want Ada to begin thinking she could play the part of the matchmaker again. Any chance of a romance between Glenn and myself had flown the proverbial coop. "Maybe things will change by the time I return." she said before she left.

After she had gone Reg called wanting to know if I wanted to go out to dinner and a movie. I told him it was too late for both, but I hadn’t had dinner yet. I told him I would be ready in an hour.

At dinner, Reggie was his usual pleasant self. He was telling me about some incident that had happened in his classroom that day, but my mind was a million miles away.

“Are you okay, Dag?” He finally asked.

“Huh?” I asked him. “Oh, sorry Reg. You were telling me about Barb.” He laughed. “I was telling you about Barb twenty minutes ago. I’m on Bobby now.”

“Well, I guess you caught me,” I told him. “I’m sorry.”

“There is something on your mind, isn’t there Dag?”

“Yes Reg, there is. Do you remember a couple of weeks ago when you were asking me if I could envision us making this a permanent relationship?”

“Yes, I do,” he answered softly. “And I said I would be honest with you, no matter how I saw it when I was sure.”

“Hmm… this doesn’t sound very promising,” He told me.

I reached under the table and took his hand. “Reg, I think you’re a wonderful person. I think whomever you choose to live your life with will be very lucky to have you but……”

“But….,” he interrupted.

“It isn’t me, Reg. I care a great deal about you, as a friend. But I don’t see it going beyond that.”

He took a deep breath. “That’s okay, Dag. To be honest with you, I never thought that you were beginning to feel the same way as I was. I think the problem is that I had some serious competition.”

“What do you mean?” I asked him. “I’m not seeing anyone else at the moment.”

He laughed. “Well, that may be true. But there is a certain little boy and his father whom you talk about often. And when you do, your eyes just light up like candles. I was standing at your doorway during Open house when he was there and saw how the two of you looking at each other. So whether you knew it or not, or whether he knows it or not, I did have competition.”

I smiled. “I think you’re imagi…..”

He didn’t let me finish. “Imagining things, Dag? I don’t think so. I just hope that you don’t wait too long to go after what I know you really want. And that probably goes for him also.”

“Will you land on your feet okay,” I asked him.

“Sure. There’s a lot to admire about you, Dag. In just this year you’ve become an exceptional teacher. A lot better than I was at this stage of the game. You have a special way with kids that some teachers can only dream about. But, I’ll be fine. What was it Bill Pullman told Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle? I’d rather you tell me this now than have me end up being the guy you settled for.”

“Well, I’m not going to rush up to the top of the Empire State Building to meet Glenn.”

He laughed then took a bite of his food. When he took me home, he stopped and gave me one last kiss. “Still friends I hope,” he said.

“Always,” I told him. And then I kissed him for the last time.

The next morning before school, I received a phone call from Laurie, asking me if she could come over for the weekend. It was one of those surprises that seemed to come at just the right time. She had stayed with me a few times for a night or two, but usually she just came over and hung out with me. Sometimes she would bring Gail with her. I always enjoyed their company. This time she was coming alone.

When mom had called me and told me that Laurie had been selected valedictorian, I think I was more pleased than if it had been me winning the award. Laurie had not only been blessed with a remarkable intellect, but she had put it to full use and had always studied and worked hard. She had never, as far as I could remember, achieved anything less than an A on any school assignment. And except for when she had gone nutso about Kurt and had caught pneumonia, she had rarely missed school.

So that Friday evening I had hurried home from school to shower and change before Laurie got there. I had just finished brushing my hair when I heard her enter. I had told her to let herself in.

“Hey sis!” she hollered.

“Hey Laurie!" I hollered as I rushed out to greet her. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to get over to the house, but congratulations.”

“Thanks,” she told me. “I brought some DVD’s for us to watch if you want.”

“Sounds great to me. Do you want to go out to get something to eat or do you want me to whip something up.”


“Why don’t we just have some hamburgers,” she told me. “It’ll be great.”

I hurriedly fixed the cheeseburgers and we sat down at the table. “Have you gotten your speech written, yet?” I asked her.

“Yes, I do. I’m still tinkering with it though. You know me, it has to be perfect. I hope it’s not too boring and doesn’t put anybody to sleep.”

“Do you want to practice it on me?”

She laughed. “Mom already asked me that. I told her no that I’d be okay. If she heard it before I give it, she’d be bored to tears.”

“I doubt that. You could probably give that speech a hundred times and Mom and Dad would still dote on you.”

She laughed, then took a bite of her sandwich. “You know Dag, we should do this more often. Maybe we can get together some during the summer. I received my letter of acceptance from the college, so by next fall we’ll be seeing even less of each other.”

“Sure, Laurie. It’s not like I’m going to be doing anything else. I won’t be seeing as much of Reg anymore.”

“Did you break up?” she asked.

“Well, the funny thing is we were never really going together officially. Let’s just say I knew the relationship wasn’t going anywhere, and I thought he wanted to get serious.”

She nodded, then hesitated. “And Glenn?”

“I don’t know, Laurie. We’ve had quite a bad rift and so I’m not sure anything will ever happen there either.”

“Well, from what you’ve told me, it’s not the first time you two have been down each other’s throat.”

“Not like this one, Laurie,” I told her. I quickly told her what had happened.

“Well, maybe things will work out,” she told me. “I really like Glenn and Ronnie but I can imagine Glenn would be unsure of himself in any relationship after losing his wife.”

I quickly changed the subject. I did not want to dwell on Glenn Hamilton all weekend. “What about you, Laurie, has there been anybody since Kurt?”

Laurie didn’t answer right away. And when she did she didn’t look up at her plate. I now knew for sure that her visit was more than just a regular week end get together.

“Well, that’s kind of complicated. I’ll talk to you about it later.” We finished eating, cleaned up the kitchen and went in to watch our first movie. All evening I had the feeling Laurie was wanting to tell me something, but didn’t know how to go about getting it out of her. As Ada had said once, she was on the verge.

After the movie was over and unable to stand the suspense I turned to her before the credits had even started rolling. “Okay, Laurie, spit it out,” I told her.

“I don’t know what you mean, sis.” She replied. But the look on her face told me that she did.

“I’m your sister. I grew up with you. I helped take care of you when you were a baby. I can read you like a book. This visit wasn’t just so we could relive old times. You’ve got something on your mind. What is it?”

“Am I that obvious?” she asked. I nodded affirmatively.

“Well, Dag, I never could fool you about some things.” She hesitated for a long time but I didn’t push her, allowing Laurie to tell me in her own way.

“Remember earlier when you asked me about Kurt?”

Again, I nodded. She took a deep breath and continued. “Well that night when I ran off to the cemetery it wasn’t just because Kurt and I broke up. We broke up, but it wasn’t because he cheated on me or anything like that. It was another reason. We had gone to his house to have sex.....”

“You didn’t get pregnant did you?” I asked quickly. She laughed.

“No, Dag. I didn’t get pregnant. If I was pregnant I’d be as big as a house right now.

What happened was that I couldn’t go through with it. And there was a very good reason why I couldn’t. What happened that night was that I broke down and told Kurt the truth about myself.”

Now I was confused. “The truth about what, Laurie?” I asked.

Again she took a deep breath. “That I was a lesbian.” She had said it so straightforward and ordinary that I started to laugh.

“That’s a good one Laurie. You really had me going for a moment! Who put you up to this?”

“I’m not joking, Dag.” I looked at her face. She was serious, as dead serious as I had ever seen her.

“You’re not joking! Oh my God, Laurie!” I stood up. I still couldn’t believe it. I looked at her. How could I not have known? Here I thought I had known Laurie better than anybody and as it turned out I didn’t know her as well as I thought I did. “I……I don’t know what to say. I never expected this. Does Mom and Dad know?”

“Yes they do, Dag. Mom kind of guessed it. Of course she’s been around me a lot more than you lately so that might explain it.”

“And they’re all right with this?” I asked.

“Well, mom was from the start. I think Dad had a little problem with it at first. He was trying too hard to be normal, but he’s back to being himself now. Didn’t you notice that he was acting strange that day in the hospital?”

I quickly thought back to that day we had visited, and she was right. Dad had been acting a little awkward. “I don’t know what to say, Laurie. I really don’t. I mean, a Lesbian? How do you know? Are you sure? I feel like such an idiot for not knowing!" The truth was I was at a total loss of words and had no clue as to what to say. Should I offer my congratulations or exactly what?

She sighed. “Yes, Dag. I’m sure. You’ve been to college surely you don’t need me to explain how I know.”

I sat back down next to her totally stunned and feeling a bit sheepish about my reaction. I had always dreamed of Laurie and I having a husband and kids and the two of us having family get togethers. Well, I guess we could still have that but it would be just a tad different from what I had pictured.

"Do you want me to leave?" she asked.

“No, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous. But it does come as a shock. I don’t know; I just never considered the possibility. Does anyone else know?”

“Just Kurt, and my counselor. It took me a while to come to terms with it at first, but I’ve been seeing this counselor. Her name is Abby and she’s helped me a great deal. And maybe one other person might know, but that’s someone I don’t feel like I’m free to talk about to anybody right now."

“Laurie, I don’t know what to say, I really don’t. I mean, you could have confided in me.”

“I was too scared to, Dag,” she said. “I was afraid to even admit it to myself. Do you remember when I was in my last year of Junior High, and the girl Nora committed suicide?”

I remembered the story well. It had been big news at the time in Devonshire. “Of course, I remember her. What does that have to do with this.”

Laurie swallowed hard, and then related to me what happened and what had driven the girl to take her own life. And as she told it tears fell from her eyes as they did mine. Laurie had been carrying a sense of guilt and shame because she felt she hadn’t done anything to stop it, or even to report it. It was a heavy burden for her to bear, but that more than anything helped me to understand what she had been going through, not just for months but for years.

Then there was the article she had written for the school newspaper. When I had read it, I was horrified at just how cruel the world could be. Now, it was more than that. I would have to fear what could happen to my sister.

“Laurie, promise me something,” I asked her. “Promise me that you will confide in me just as you always have. Nothing has changed Laurie, and I hope you always feel that I’m here for you and that you can trust me.”

She stood up from the couch and walked away momentarily before turning back to me. “Dag, there is something else. There is another reason that I felt I could keep this from you no longer. It’s something that I have to keep secret, even from Mom and Dad. At least for now.”

I couldn’t imagine what other secret Laurie could possibly have that would be any more surprising than what she had told me earlier in the evening.

“I won’t say a word, sis,” I told her reassuringly. She hesitated but returned to the couch. And then she told me the secret. And though it wasn’t as shocking as finding out that she was gay, it was a very close second.

“Laurie, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” I told her. I did my best to talk her out of her plan, but it didn’t take long for me to know that I was wasting my breath. Her mind was made up.

“Dag, it’s something I have to do for my own piece of mind,” she told me. “And I’m going to do it whether or not you support me.”

“Sure, Laurie, You know I’ll be here for you. And although I don’t agree with it, I can understand why you feel it is necessary.” We hugged each other, but I couldn’t help but be afraid for her.

We continued to talk the rest of the night. Laurie told me many things I hadn’t known, things she hadn’t even talked to mom about.

She told me about the first time it had crossed her mind that she might be gay, about how as she had grown into a teen she looked at woman differently and the guilt she felt over her hidden desires. We talked about growing up together. We talked about the pain she felt when she had learned that her mother had given up her life for her and about the horrifying experience at her grandparents home, and how it had really affected her.

Then we relived the days of our childhood. I told her how Dad had struggled the first time to give her a bath and to change her diaper and she laughed about that. She told me how she had sneaked out with Gail and had never been caught, making fun of me because I always got caught. By the time the sun came up in the morning, we would still be sitting there, my sis and me, sharing all of our thoughts, our hopes, and all of our dreams for the future.

To Be Concluded

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